


Excuses

by EveTheAverage



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Anorexia, Cutting, Depressed Ashton, Depressed Luke, Depression, Eating Disorders, F/F, Fluff, M/M, Minor Angst, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2016-06-01
Packaged: 2018-04-19 15:29:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 48,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4751501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EveTheAverage/pseuds/EveTheAverage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What are you doing?<br/>Words Luke Hemmings has come to hate. Everyone always asks him, as if he can't do anything by himself. But strangely, that question doesn't bother him much when asked by what has to be the worlds most perfect boy.<br/>Ashton Irwin.</p><p>Or the one where Ashton is a giggly, nosey mess and Luke is quiet and awkward, unless he's making excuses to his group therapy leader.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Face Girl

"So Luke, would you like to tell us why you are here?" the 'concerned' voice of my equally 'concerned' group therapy leader broke me out of my reverie.

"You see ma'am, my mother found my large shrine to the walnut god in the back of my closet, and it was this or solitary confinement in my basement," I answered. She looked as unimpressed as ever, scribbling something down in her clipboard. Probably another 'refuses to participate, individual therapy recommended.'

"Well if you have nothing to say..." she gave me one more opportunity to confess, but I could see her attention had already moved on. I zoned out again as she interrogated the boy next to me, Jason, about his social anxiety.

I looked over my surroundings for maybe the thirtieth time to take my mind off therapy. The fake wooden walls of the community center were mostly blocked by all sorts of posters, ranging from those inspirational posters that everybody hates (but secretly quotes to themself before they go to bed) to the posters with the ridiculously smiley kids holding a worm or a turtle or whatever. I wish I had a turtle. I'd probably name it Jorge or Jamal, definitely something with a-

My mind was pulled from its drifting when I caught sight of a girl staring at me from across the 'Circle of Truth', as Mrs. Hoadly, the leader, likes to call it. From the looks of it she'd been staring at me for a while. She's pretty enough, with bright hair curling crazily over her oddly pale skin, a couple of strands getting in her big blue eyes. Pretty, but I'm still thinking of a way to tell her that I don't exactly swing that way when she pulls a face at me.

That did not look like the action of a girl who is interested in you. But hey, I wouldn't exactly know.

She kept making faces at me, looking pointedly at Mrs. Hoadly before stretching her mouth and squinting her eyes. She suddenly snapped to attention as Mrs. Hoadly looks at her, throwing me a small smirk when the lady glances down at her clipboard. Ah yes, how I long to crack that clipboard over her head, though I fear her hyper-sprayed curls will snap before the board does.

"...you all next week, make good choices, and remember, no one is alone! Goodbye everyone!" Mrs. Hoadly's words were almost drowned out by the sound of teenagers pushing their chairs back and escaping the room. As I left the building, I kept an eye out for the girl who made faces at me earlier, but she seemed to have disappeared. That's probably a good thing, though. What would I have done, walked up to her and said "Hi, I know we've never met but I'm impressed by the way you can contort your mouth"? I'd probably find a way to mess that up, stumbling over my words, even if I had managed to find an acceptable thing to say.

So I turned around and made my way home, head down and singing along in my mind to whatever Green Day song played through my headphones.

-

When I got home, my mom didn't bother coming out of the kitchen, simply yelling to me that dinner would be ready in 10. I walked into my room, immediately flopping down on my bed. Today was Sunday, meaning tomorrow was Monday. Which meant school. 'Congrats, Luke, you passed the first grade!" I thought to myself. Music, or homework? Homework, music? What kind of question is that? The answer was obvious. I sat back on my bed and reached for my guitar. Thus is the life of a procrastinator.

At dinner, everyone was silent, focusing on eating their lukewarm meatloaf when my mom spoke.

"So Luke, I got a call from Cheryl today. She says you haven't been participating in therapy still." Sometimes I really hate when your mother is friends with your therapy leader.

"Sorry. I just don't want to," I replied quietly, knowing this will disappoint her.

"Luke, you can't just keep this all to yourself! You have to start talking to someone! Whats the point of even going if-"

"You're right. Whats the point? I guess I'll just not go."

"You know that's not what I meant. You have to let someone in."

"And I will on my own time, but let me tell you it sure as hell-"

"Language!"

"-won't be in group therapy!" At this point my brother Jack stepped in.

"Guys, guys, calm down! Everybody calm down! This is the third time you've had this argument. Breathe, okay?" He went on to add "Mom, I love you but let him be. He'll open up when he's ready. Luke, keep going to therapy, even if you don't want to. Maybe it'll help!" I tried not to take to heart that he hadn't said he loved me.

"Sorry mom. Thanks Jack."

"It's fine. We just want to see you happy, right Ben?" Ben looked up from his meatloaf, glanced at me shortly, and nodded, looking back down. I sighed. I didn't mean for Ben to never look at me again, but I guess I just always mess things up.

"I have homework to finish. May I please be excused." Without waiting for an answer I got up and left, taking my meatloaf upstairs with me, trying to ignore the way no one called me back.


	2. Shattered Glasses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know much about real anxiety attacks, so I kinda improvised. Sorry about that… Let me know if its really bad?

I woke up with a start. Why is it so dark why cant I see where am I what have I done now why cant I stop fucking things up why am I such a failure what's going on why won't anyone tell me whats going on...

In the midst of my rambling I figured out that I was having a panic attack. Okay Luke breathe. In, two, three, out, two, three. I breathed for a few minutes, bringing myself back down to earth, thankful that it wasn't as bad as it could have been. I looked over at my clock and realized that the reason I couldn't see was because it was 3:46 in the morning. I dreaded going back to sleep but I knew I had to. Two hours of sleep wasn't enough. Just because I didn't participate in school doesn't mean I have to be one of those kids who doesn't do anything AND sleeps through school.

I got up, knowing I won't be able to sleep soon, and went downstairs for a drink to calm myself. I walked quietly down the stairs, skipping the fifth and eighth steps, and walked vary carefully into the kitchen. This house was so creaky I almost give myself a heart attack every time I walk through it.

I reached into the cabinet and grabbed a cup. Leftover nerves from my panic attack have left my hands shaky, and the glass slipped through my fingers before I can steady it and shattered on the ground.

Now look what I've done. Can't even get over a stupid panic attack. Can't even grab a glass without breaking it.

The creaking of the fifth and eighth steps distracted me from my self-hatred long enough to grab a dust pan and frantically begin sweeping.

"What're you doing?" Ben. Of all the people I could have woken up, it had to be the one who won't look at me.

"I... water. Slipped. Sorry. So sorry..." I trailed off into a whisper as I continued trying to clean up my mess, getting more glass outside the pan with my jerky movements than I did inside. A pair of hands rested over mine, stopping me, taking over.

"It's okay... I'll take care of it. Go back to bed," he told me. I got up, doing as he says because he knows better, and left my brother to clean up the splintered glass. I stopped before I could fully leave the kitchen, though.

"Ben.. was what happened so bad that you hate me now?" I asked, worried of what the answer might be, but needing to know.

"No Luke, I could never hate you," came the instant reply.

"But you can't look at me." His next answer wasn't so immediate.

"Not yet."

-

I woke up again, this time to light and the sound of Bring Me The Horizon's "Drown". I stayed in bed, not wanting to get up, to face the world, to face Ben- all for obvious reasons.

But I soon made myself get up, knowing that if I didn't do it now bad things will happen. And not a moment too soon, I guessed, for as I opened the door to go to the bathroom I saw my mom walking up the stairs with her loudest pot.

"Oh good honey, you're awake! I was just about to wake your brothers, do you want to join?" All thoughts of last night's fight seemed to have been forgotten, as she looked to be her chipper self again. I shook my head no, not wanting to be smacked by an angry man-boy, and she continued on her way to their room as I continued on my way to the bathroom.

"Oh, and Luke?" mom called to me just before I enter the bathroom. "Nice boxers."

I looked down at myself and cursed, having forgotten that I sleep in the nude. My mortification increased when I realized that they were Family Guy boxers, though I felt a little better when I saw that nothing was too excited down there. God that would have sucked.

-

I only had a few minutes to spare, so I skipped doing any sort of hair thing and grabbed my skateboard. As I pushed my way down the street, I felt the tufts of hair peeking out from under my snapback flutter against the sides of my face, making me feel like I was flying. Flying away from here, flying away from my problems. Flying away from whatever good I've managed to fuck up until all that's left of me are rumors, stories told when someone asks why something went wrong. People will say "oh yes, that was that boy Luke. We don't like to speak of him, but we were all secretly glad when he left." And then nothing, no stories at all, no one to remember my name.

I was still thinking about it during first period math. "Luke? Can you answer the third problem please? Luke?" I looked up at the teacher and back down, not really sure how to tell her I didn't know how to do it.

My neighbor casually slipped me his homework, and I went up to the board and copied down number three. I sat back down and gave Michael back his homework, nodding at him in thanks.

Michael and I weren't really friends, we're those people who always pair up with each other to save themselves the pain of finding a partner but who never talk to each other outside of that. I didn't really talk to anyone, but neither did he it seemed, and that suited us just fine.

As the bell rang for second period the teacher announced "Remember, we will be having a new student in our class tomorrow, so please be on your best behavior when the time comes." New student? When did we hear that? Doesn't matter, I probably wasn't paying any attention anyways...

New student means new blood. New bully, new victim to take the focus off me for a while, new friend, doubtfully, but most likely a new thing to mess up. I have to remind myself to stay away from this new kid. Don't want to screw them up too.


	3. Bro Talk

"Hello everybody! It's Wednesday, so that means welcome back to the Circle of Truth! Now remember, everything said within the Circle of Truth must be true, so absolutely no talking unless it is your turn, no making fun of anybody, and no lies!" My head was hurting from the first sentence. How does one despicable woman manage to be so falsely cheery all the time?

For once Mrs. Hoadly didn't start near me, so I quickly look over at the one girl who made faces at me on Sunday. She was already staring back, making a startlingly weird face once she realized I was looking at her. She kept looking at Mrs. Hoadly before her face moved so I started listening in, noticing that her face corresponded to whatever the leader said.

"Leslie, the key to being more sure of yourself is to be comfortable in your own skin." Uber-confused face.

"Calm down now, you know the voices are just in your head." Monkey face.

"No Pat, you haven't lost anything! Sit down!" Constipation face. At that I had to crack a smile. I had never listened in to a therapy session, but now that I had I realized that Mrs. Hoadly's advice was total shit. You would have thought that they would hire someone competent for this. Guess not.

"Luke. Can you please tell us why you are here?" She sounded so fed up I almost gave in. Not. I haven't been participating so far, why should I start?

So, of course, I sat forward in earnest and said "I have this irrational fear of cat litter-" she cut me off.

"I've heard enough. Please think about maybe actually telling us why you are here next time?" Sassy. With that she ended the session and leaves. I guessed we were really bad today. I probably didn't help too much... The guilt shocked me. She's awful yet I feel guilty? Of course I do.

Walking down the hallway of the community center I tried to once again find the Face Girl, but like Sunday she seemed to have disappeared. I didn't know why I kept looking for this girl. I didn't even know her. I thought about that in the elevator and walking out of the lobby. When I exited the building I thought I saw a flash of red, but it was just a bandana, not Face Girl's reddish hair.

Walking home I prepared myself for another day of fights about therapy and putting off my homework. It was only Wednesday, so I still had half a week of school left.

Realizing the sinking sensation I had was my bladder filling up, not just thoughts of school, I rushed inside and darted into the bathroom. I finished my business and stood in front of the mirror after washing my hands.

No wonder I have no friends, I thought to myself. If I think I look this bad then others will think it's worse. I looked at my face, silently judging every aspect. My nose, my stupid blue eyes, that gross smattering of pimples I just couldn't get rid of...

"Hey Luke? What are you doing in there?" Someone asked. Sounded like Ben. That question again. It was making me sick.

"Using the bathroom. What else?" Bad question. Silence.

"Ben..."

"Luke-"

"No. I don't wanna talk about it."

"Jesus Christ, Luke! I get that you're messed up or whatever, but you have to talk about it! You can't just play it off like it never happened! How do you think it affected me? I had to go to counseling for it! I still have nightmares! I still wake up and see my baby brother passed out on the bathroom floor in a pool of his own blood, wrists slit! Do you even think of how it affected any of us? You were hospitalized for three weeks, Luke, that sort of thing doesn't just go away without changing everything!"

I didn't know what to say. Somehow during that the door had opened and I could see my brother. Chest heaving, looking straight at me. I could see my brother's eyes, and for the first time since the accident eight months ago he was looking back.

I didn't know what to say so I just stepped forward and gathered him in a hug. We clung to each other, tears streaming down our faces.

"I still don't know if I can just go back to normal yet Luke. I love you, I'm just not ready." I nodded and stepped back, muttering my apologies as I walked around him to get to my room.

He grabbed my arm. "You know I love you, right? I've never stopped. I still love you."

"Shut up and kiss me, you fool," I smirked, laughing at his words.

"Yeah haha, laugh all you want, but seriously. I love you, bro."

"Love you too, bro. Broski. Bropal friend."

"Luke?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut the hell up before I smack you."

And just like that, I knew we would be fine.


	4. New Boy

That morning when I woke up I knew it was gonna be a shitty day.

Everything happened the way it should, nothing out of the ordinary happened, I just woke up with a feeling of sadness and disappointment. I didn't want to go to school at all. I just wanted to huddle in my bed and hide from everything, hoping that when I came out of hiding everything wasn't ruined.

But no, my mom made me go to school today. I didn't want to disappoint her so there I was, trying to get through the day with this anxious feeling in my gut. I just knew something big was going to happen. 

I made it through my first four classes, but when lunch came around I decided that I couldn't stomach food right then, so I headed to the library. 

When I arrived I waved to the librarian, Mrs. Pince, grabbed a random book and sat in the corner.

I like being in the library, much as I hate reading. No one bothers you there, it's almost an unspoken rule to leave people be. Ah, peace and quiet at last. Maybe once I relax this suspenseful feeling will go away.

"What're ya doing." Oh you're kidding me. Not only did I seem to be unable to catch a break, but it was those words again. Surprised as I was that someone was talking to me, I couldn't help but roll my eyes to myself before looking over at whoever had spoken.

I immediately wished I hadn't. The guy intruding on my quiet reading time in the library was someone I definitely hadn't seen before. I would have remembered, his face being... unforgettable. He was lightly tanned, muscular arms sticking out of his Green Day muscle tee. He had curly, honey hair pushed back by a red bandana, framing his face, bandana somehow drawing attention to his plump lips of a matching color. His beautiful hazel eyes stared back at mine, looking a little dazed and uncomfortable, making me realize that

I was still staring. Staring at his lips, no less. I turned my head back to my book, casually wiping my face off to check for drool.

"Umm, what book are you reading," the boy asked again, a little hesitantly. Probably because last time he asked me a question I stared at him and then ignored him.

"Nothing interesting. Go hang out with someone else," I answered quietly, hating myself for telling him to leave yet hoping that he will. "Maybe them." I pointed to the group of people at the table in the middle of the room. They're the populars, they'd be good for him.

"Nah, I'd rather be with you. I've only been here half a day and I already know the other people are all loud and, let me just say, annoying. Plus you have good taste in music, judging from your shirt so..." He trailed off when I didn't look at him. I just wanted him to leave. I couldn't have another wild card in my life. I just wanted to be left alone to my boring, predictable, safe existence and not be pulled into one where I could potentially break everything. I couldn't have that. I didn't want to bring him down with me. He deserved more than that. More than me.

"Yeah I could say the same about you." I internally smacked myself for saying that, tacking on at the end, "but go away."

He looked at me for a moment, looking a little hurt, yet determined. It was the determination that scared me. "Alright," he said, as he got up and left. I really hated myself, but knew it was better for him, and for me. What I didn't expect was for him to come back 15 seconds later and sit right next to me.

"So what book are you reading?"

"What the hell? I told you to go away!" Now I was just upset.

"And I did, but I'm back now. So really, you should accept it," he answered with a little smirk on his face.

"You know, for a guy who looks like he should have graduated already, you're harder to shake than mono." It was difficult not to smile back at that smirk, but I managed pretty nicely.

"Not only do I look like it, I actually should have graduated last year." I was only a little surprised. He looked older, but something in the way he talks hints at an immature boy underneath.

"Why didn't you graduate?" He brushes this question off.

"No reason. Anyway, what's your name? You're pretty nice. I know that if someone had given ME the old go away for one second then continue bothering I would have snapped already." I was a little suspicious about his brushing off the question. It just sounded like something I would say when I was hiding. But maybe I'm exaggerating. I just met him, I can't really be sure...

"So it's true then, what they're saying in the halls. A new student has come to Westview High. I'm Wilson. Brian Wilson." Brian, the most popular guy in school, had made his way over to our corner -my corner- and stood towering over us. I snorted at his introduction. Very Bond of him. He glared at me.

"What's so funny, Puke Lemmings?"

"I'm Ashton, Ashton Irwin," He said quickly. Ashton. Perfect name for a perfect boy... No! Bad Luke! You need him gone!

"Well then, Ashton Irwin, soon you'll find that here at Westview High, some people are better than others. You don't want to go around making friends with the wrong sort. But no need to worry. I can help you there." He reached out his hand for Ashton to take. I mentally said goodbye. Turning down Brian Wilson was unheard of.

"I think I can tell the wrong sort for myself, thanks." 

The hand floating between them hovered for a few moments, then dropped to his side. Fists clenched, falsely polite voice said something, footsteps walked away, but I was still comprehending the fact that the boy next to me wasn't going with him.

"What the hell man! What were you thinking?" I turned on pretty boy -Ashton- as soon as my brain stopped spinning. 

"What I was thinking was that I had already met someone cool, weather they like me or not, and that -brain, was it? Funny name- was a douche."

"But you just turned down the chance to be popular. There's no chance for you now, you know that right? And to make it worse, you stayed with me! Jeez, do you have a social death wish? You do realize they hate me, right?" I could not believe this kid.

"Can't imagine why..." Came the muttered reply. 

"Excuse me? What the hell is that 'sposed to mean?" 

"No no, I didn't mean it like that, I literally meant that I don't understand why! You seem really cool and I don't know why they would hate you... Yeah I'll just stop talking now." Huh.

"Sorry, mate. Defense mechanism." I felt really bad now. Do I ever stop messing up or is perpetually screwing up a talent of mine? I don't know why I didn't just keep silent, like I normally do, but something about him made it easy to talk.

"It's alright man. Just go back to your book."

He stayed right there next to me until the end of lunch. I didn't complain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you got the references here… I love you.  
> Always.


	5. Meeting the Girl Of Faces

"Now, Luke, why are you here?" Mrs. Hoadly asked.

"My most treasured hobby is making sweet, sweet love to squirrels." I replied.

I was almost a little shocked when she didn't immediately write me off and move on, like usual, instead pressing further. "Luke, if you cannot tell us what's wrong, how do you expect to get better? That's what you're really here for, to get better." Before I could reply that no, I'm here because my mom is forcing me to, a new voice cut in.

"Scuse me Mrs. Hoadly, but maybe he just really likes squirrel dick up his ass." It was the girl with the face. The face girl. The female maker-of-faces. I was surprised to actually hear her speak, and so bluntly. Weren't women supposed to be delicate? Maybe it's a good thing I'm gay, I thought to myself.

"Now now, Miss Galente, this is about Luke. If Luke would like to speak then he may, but please keep any unnecessary comments to yourself." At this point I was about to rip the clipboard of judgement and pain from her hands and strangle her with the chain attaching the pen. "And may I remind you, Miss Galente and Mr. Hemmings that-"

Whatever she was about to say was cut off by the sound of several alarms going off at the same time, everyone's phone alerting them that group therapy was over. Who knew the sound of crickets would go so well with the Marimba and... Yep, the Psych theme song?

I walked out of the room like I do after every therapy, but this time I was joined by none other than Face Girl.

"Hey! I'm Angie! Who are you?" She literally bounced up to me. I just looked at her, not really comfortable with this clearly chirpy person, even if she'd been making constipated faces at me for the last week. "Oh right, sorry, did I come on too strong? I tend to do that. Do you not like people? Oh god, are you mute? I'm so sorry I'm just gonna go.. Wait I've heard you speak, you're clearly not mute. You don't look dumb either so... Hello? You look kinda shocked? You okay?" She said this all kinda fast, not letting me tell her that I was most definitely not mute before freaking out.

I stopped her from screaming for help as she freaked out about my 'panic attack'. "Sorry, I'm okay. I'm just.. Not uh- good? At people? Meeting people?" Smooth, Luke. I smacked myself, knowing she'll walk away for sure now. Maybe that was for the best?

"Alright that's ok, I'm shit at meeting people as well but I really wanted to meet you so I'll just word vomit at you and you can pick and choose the cool stuff, eh?" I nodded, because now she looked uncertain. At my nod she nodded as well, and began to speak as we navigated our way out of the building.

"Umm, hi, my name is Angelina Galente, I'm 17, I like.. Raccoons? And nerdy things? And pierogies, you know, those weird bohemian dumpling thingies that probably make you gain five pounds just looking at them but are more delicious than babies? I also am not a fan if eating babies, just to point that out, and I don't know if you've picked this up yet but my brain to mouth filter was irreparably damaged as a child- traumatic, I know, contain your tears- so I'm an open book. Ask me anything, really. I dare you."

All I could think of was that this girl was either A) coming on to me in which case I needed to stop that, B) not as chirpy as I thought (just really fucking weird) or C) a mixture of both. I was torn in between laughing at her description and wishing the elevator would go faster so I could get away. I also really wanted to ask...

"Yeah this might be personal but why are you here? At therapy?" I felt at ease with her surprisingly quickly, probably due to her impressive word vomit.

"Oh you know, I'm just your friendly neighborhood klepto-ana, nothing big." She must have seen the confusion on my face, because she explained. "I'm anorexic, a little klepto - no, I won't steal your wallet - and frankly, a little depressed. I'd ask you the same question but I doubt you'd answer." Just as I noticed how skinny her legs and arms were, she opened the door to the outside world, temporarily blinding me. When I could finally see, I saw Angie hugging the life out of another guy who was a little taller than her, forcing her to stretch on her tiptoes. She broke the hug and beckoned me over.

"Hey Luke meet Marisa! Marisa this is Luke, from therapy, Luke this is my girlfriend!"

Girl? I saw it then, saw past the short hair and masculine clothes. Definitely a girl. Which means...

"Thank god," I muttered, looking up and covering my face.

"Umm, excuse me? Mister string bean? Large man who is probably a foot taller than me- hold up, how tall are you?" Angie asked.

"I'm about 6'4"," I replied, still getting over my relief that Angie liked girls.

"Damn, exactly a foot taller than me. Marisa, hold me!" She sobbed dramatically into her GIRLfriends shoulder as said GIRLfriend looked at me oddly. I rushed to explain myself.

"Sorry I have nothing against gays, I just thought for some reason that she was hitting in me and I couldn't think how to tell her that I don't like boobs!"

"Oh goodie, you're gay, now I know you have no chance of stealing Marisa away from me!" Angie suddenly perked up.

"I don't know Angie," I heard her girlfriend speak for the first time. "He is pretty cute, and I do have a thing for taller people." I laughed with her at that, seeing as her girlfriend was like a tiny munchkin.

"You know, if you weren't the gayest human on the planet I would be so worried right now." Angie did not look amused. Somehow seeing her crossing her arms over her chest and wrinkling her nose made us laugh even harder.

"I must say, Ang, he has a really great nose and wow his shoulders-"

"Yep that's it bye Luke you two will never be seeing each other again." Angie said while trying to push her girlfriend away from me.

I had stopped laughing a bit ago, the compliments making me uncomfortable, but seeing this cute moment unfold made me smile.

"I'm kidding, cutie, you know I only like you, my gorgeous girl." The taller girl kissed her shorter girlfriend on the nose, following that sweet moment with a "Anyways, what is it I say about dicks?"

"Dicks are gross. Dicks have cooties. We do not like dicks. Sucks for you, Luke, seeing as that's all you like," Angie spoke robotically, breaking out into a smile at the end.

I realized as I laughed that I had smiled a lot more that day than I had in a while, and guessed that for once the smiles weren't sarcastic, but from this immediate sense of belonging I had talking with this couple who were so obviously in love.


	6. Not Perfect?

It was two days before I saw Ashton again.

After that day he turned down Brian Wilson to sit with me, he hadn't been back at school. I was a little worried, but since the guy had just moved here, I didn't think too much of it.

Friday morning I walked into first period math, and there Ashton was, in the seat next to mine.

"Hey there! Haven't seen you in a while! Sorry, but I didn't catch your name in the library, and I'm guessing it's not really Puke Lemmings, is it?" I'd forgotten just how friendly he really is.

"Yeah. Hey. It's Luke Hemmings, actually." I felt so awkward next to him. I didn't usually talk to people, and they never seemed to want to talk to me.

"Ah yes. Much better than Puke." He looked like he wanted to say more, but didn't know what to say, so I took a leap and actually asked a question.

"So you like Nirvana," I said, gesturing to his shirt.

"Nah, I hate 'em. I just thought this shirt was cool." He smiled after speaking. Hello dimples. Nice to see you too.

"Really? Never took you for that kind of person."

"Haha, very funny. I assume you listen to them too?" We talked music for the rest of the time before class began.

-

"Hey Luke! Mind if I sit here?" Ashton came up to me at lunch. I was sitting alone and I couldn't say no, so I gestured for him to sit. "Hey wait, I know you, you're in my Physics class!" He pointed to Michael, who sat two seats down from me, also alone.

"Yeah. Hi. It's nice to meet you. I like your shirt." Michael seemed really shy. I hadn't really talked to him much, despite him being my partner in math class a lot.

"Ah thanks! Lukey here was talking about how much he loved them earlier as well! Although he says he likes this band Blink-182 better." Lukey? What?

"You know Blink? Blink is sick! Hey Calum get over here!" Acting more outgoing, he waved to a boy walking past our table. "Cal, Luke knows Blink!"

"What is this Blink?" All three of us turn to Ashton, who looked confused.

"Sit down, son, I think we need to have a talk," Calum spoke sternly.

And somehow, just like that, I found myself talking, laughing, joking.

-

I once again saw Ashton, in music class. I walked in a minute before the bell and there he was, sitting with Michael and Calum. I knew that Michael played guitar and Calum played bass, but I was curious about what Ashton did.

"Hey guys." I sat down quietly next to Ashton. He himself looked quieter than usual.

"Hey Luke. We were just talking about-" He was cut off by the bell, and by our music teacher, Mr. Monohan, closing the door.

"Alright class, settle down. I know its the last period of the day but try to contain yourselves. Now, I hear we have a new student. How about you introduce yourself?"

"Hi, I'm Ashton-"

"Hi Ashton," Calum, Michael, and I all muttered under our breaths.

"I am 18, and I'm a drummer."

"Well Ashton, during the first few days of class we all perform for the class. Seeing as it's your first day, would you like to drum for us? Mr. Monohan asked.

"Sure..." He looked hesitant, but he still went to the corner of the room and sat at the drum set. He took a few swings at the drums, adjusted his chair, and began to play.

Oh sweet lemonade on a hot summers day. That boy's arms did things. Evil things. It must be a crime for someone to look that damn attractive. Just as I decided that boy must be an incubus, he stopped playing, glaring at the drums before looking up.

That glare was so surprising to see that it caught me really far off guard. Come to think of it, he had looked really off all class.

As he returned to his seat next to me, I whispered "Are you okay man? You look a little upset." Smooth, Luke. So smooth.

"Yeah, I'm fine thanks," came a gruff reply.

"Are you... Sure?"

"Yeah I'm okay, my mom just texted me during passing period and told me I had to do this thing over the weekend. I've been in this city for a week and she already is making me do this... Yeah that was a lot of useless rambling you probably don't care about. Sorry."

"Nah man it's fine." I felt that this wasn't the time to pry or joke around, so I stayed silent. I just hoped everything turned out fine for Ashton, whatever he had to do.

-

When I arrived at therapy on Sunday the door to the room was locked, creating a huddle of teenagers outside. I stood at the back, waiting for Mrs. Hoadly to arrive.

The woman bustled through a few minutes later, and we all filed in and took a seat.

"Hello everybody, welcome back to The Circle of Truth! It's great to see such shining faces on such a lovely Sunday afternoon!" Looking around I could really see the shining faces. Great to be here too, Mrs. Hoadly.

"Well, let's jump right into it! Paige, tell us all again why you are here?" I looked to find Angie and soon found her seven seats away. We made faces at eachother until something out of the ordinary Mrs. Hoadly said hit me.

"Ah, looks like we have a new member! What is your name, love, and why are you here?"

"I'm Ashton Irwin and I used to self harm. I'm seven months clean, actually, but my overprotective mother still makes me go." Holy shit. Ashton. What? I stared at him, my brain still trying to get over the fact that the worlds most perfect boy was in fact... Not perfect?

Mrs. Hoadly looked surprised and, scarily, gleeful. "Well, thank you for your honesty. Would you like to tell us all about your self harm?" I wasn't sure if I could hear that. I still wasn't able to reconcile with the fact that Ashton wasn't the happy, amazingly perfect guy I thought he was. He had scars too, and I couldn't believe it.

"Yeah, you know, not really. I don't want to relive it, and I am getting over it, so I don't want to talk about it." Every word he spoke solidified the fact that Ashton was a self harmer. He was like me.

I was still thinking about it when I heard my name being called. "Luke. Would you like to tell us why you are here." I heard a rustle from two seat away, maybe a quiet, sharp intake of breath?

I wasn't really feeling up to saying much of anything, and I just wanted her to stop talking to me as soon as possible. "I have this knee-licking kink and all my previous partners-"

"That's enough. Kent, why are you here today?"

Angie and I looked at each other for a few minutes. She jerked her head in Ashton's general direction, and looked confused. I shook my head. I didn't want to talk about it. I kept my head down for the rest of the session.

Once the session ended I walked over to Angie, still keeping my head down. We walked in silence. In the elevator I realized with a start that Ashton was next to me, and he was staring at me.

"Hey Lukey. What's up?"

"Lukey? Oh that's precious," Angie said as I opened my mouth to speak. "I'm Angie, by the way. You're Ashton, right?"

"That would be me! It's nice to meet you Angie."

"Great to meet the boy who defied the biggest unspoken rule of therapy here."

"That would be...?"

"Never say anything to Toad-Face Hoadly. The only reason she knows anything about anyone is if the parents tell her!"

I stayed silent. Every so often Ashton would look at me like he wanted to say something, but Angie kept him entertained. She would address something to me to draw me into a conversation, but I just shrugged.

This time as we exited the building, I was prepared for the burst of light. What I was not prepared for was for Angie to push past me, knocking me into Ashton. I felt electricity rocket down my arms from my shoulders, where he held me, and I pulled away before my knees could get weak.

"Sorry," I muttered, and walked over to Angie before he could reply. Ashton walked after me, looking between Angie, who was currently occupied(with Marisa's face), and me, looking confused.

"Whoa, what? What's going on?"

"Dude, please tell me you have nothing against gays. Just tell me." I braced myself, not knowing how he would react.

"Gay? Ah no, mate, I thought she was your girlfriend! You two seemed really close!" At this I snorted, and Angie kindly broke away from her makeout session.

"Why is it that everyone thinks I'm straight? Even when I'm making out with a female? Is it that hard to grasp?" She gets up on the bench next to us. "Hello everyone! Hi, I'm Angie and I am a fully gay female!" She shouts. A lot of people look at her as she hops down. "But no, by the way, I am not his girlfriend. Lukey here has never really been one for girls, if ya know what I mean." She winked and grinned at Ashton.

What. The. Hell. Why would she say that. I couldn't look at Ashton. He didn't seem disgusted by Marisa and Angie, but this felt more real. I was so scared at how he might react that as soon as I glanced at his face I turned and ran.

"Hey Luke, wait! Wait! Slow down!" He grabbed my wrist and yanked me around, squeezing my old cuts. I winced out of habit, and he must have noticed what had happened because his eyes widened and he glanced down.

"Just go away. I don't want to talk to you." I was afraid. Of what he might say, of who he might tell, of making him mad.

"It's okay, it's all okay, you don't have to tell me anything. I'm in the same boat, remember?" He pulled up his sleeves, showing his scars. Unlike my deep, haphazard slashes, he had thin, neat, innumerable rows of white lines.

"You think you're in the same boat as me? I'm a closeted gay cutter who lives in a homophobic family who everyone hates!"

"You ever wonder why I moved here? You're not the only one who gets hate. As for the gay thing? Me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clarify: Luke hasn't come out to his family yet, but he won't because he's paranoid that they're homophobic. Luke's family is nice to him at this point, but he is scared that will change once he tells them he's gay. Does that make sense?


	7. Crush? Hell No.

From: (815) 857-3985

hey luke what was that all about??

From: Luke 

Who the hell is this?

From (815) 857-3985 

oh yeah sorry angie 

From: Luke

How did you even get my number you stalkerish munchkin? 

From: Angie

...you gave it to me.. remember? 

From: Angie

you will pay for that by the way. 

From: Luke

Anyways, what was what about? 

From: Angie

that whole thing with ashy-kins today? 

From: Angie

he lets me call him that now. unlike you, mr. nicknameless. 

From: Luke

It was nothing. I just know him. 

From: Angie

it didn't seem like nothing. he talked to us for a while after you left and he was freaking out about it. he's STILL freaking out about it. he's blowing up my phone. serves me right for saying id ask you about it. 

From: Luke

You have his number now? You work fast. And you wonder why people think you like boys. 

From: Angie

hush up, you're just jealous cause i get boys numbers.

From: Angie

by the way, i havent forgotten. WHAT HAPPENED? you two were talking about my supreme gaylord-ness and then you were yelling and you ran away. so what the hell happened? 

From: Luke

Nothing happened. And I'm pretty sure Marisa is supreme gaylord, honey. 

From: Angie

no. i refuse to accept it. on both accounts of gaylord-ness and on what happened.

From: Angie

luke, im serious. and I'm never serious. people dont run away for no reason. are you okay? 

From: Luke

Yeah, I'm fine. Really. He just got too close too fast. And I was still startled seeing him at therapy. 

From: Angie

i get that you dont have great people skills but if i know you you dont get startled very easily. i dont get why you would be startled to see him at a group therapy. 

From: Angie

oh. wait. 

From: Angie

lukey baby has a crush!!! omg this is big wait a second im calling you. eep! 

-Incoming call from Angie. Accept or decline?- 

Big question. 

Accept. 

"Luke oh my gosh you like him! You so like ashy-kins!" 

"No Angie. I barely even know him! I basically met him Friday!" 

"No, no, hear me out!! You were surprised he was at therapy because you can't believe that he's got a problem. You think he's problemless. Which means you think he's perfect. You like him!!" 

"Angie it doesn't work like that. Yeah, so what, he's cute-okay he's more than cute he's hot as hell-and he seems like a... Well balanced kid? But that doesn't mean I like him!" 

"Well balanced my ass. You like him. I know it! And I can kinda see why, I mean he's good looking-" 

"Excuse me? Should I be worried about this 'Ashy-kins'?" 

"Jesus no, Marisa! Remember? Dicks are gross. I'm taken, not blind. Besides, need I remind you that I am supreme gaylord?" 

"Seem to remember that being me." 

"Okay bye Marisa, love you, but we're talking about Luke and Ashy, not us okay? Okay." 

"I'll leave if you finish this pierogi." 

"Stop it Marisa please! Fine, Luke, I'll call back later. Just think about what I said, okay?" 

"Okay. Bye Angie." 

-Call Disconnected- 

From: Supreme Gaylord

remember. we are all here for you. i get that you dont trust easily, but at least trust ashton. hes been through some shit too. i get it if you dont have a crush on him or whatever, but at least stay open to it, ok? i think hed be good for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angie's number is totally not the number to a really good pizza place in the middle of nowhere. Not at all.
> 
> I can see these two guys sitting outside my house. They're waiting for my mom and I don't want to invite them in because *shiver* human interaction. Is it rude to just leave them there until my mom gets home?


	8. Chapter 8

The next few days I avoided Ashton like the plague. 

Every class I had with him, I either skipped or stayed in the corner. Any time I saw him in the halls, I ducked my head and moved to the edge. Lunches I spent in some dark, dank corner of the library between the rows of history textbooks and chemistry textbooks.

Wednesday I knew I was going to have to see him again, because of therapy. I wanted to skip it, but could I really? Mrs. Hoadly would tell my mother, of course, and her crestfallen face came to my mind. I couldn't do that to her. She was already so disappointed in me.

A butt planted itself next to me, twenty minutes before the bell was supposed to ring to signal the end of lunch. I looked up to see the very face I had been avoiding all week. 

"Look, I get that you don't want to talk about what happened, and I'm not gonna force you. Hell knows I understand what being outed is like. I just want to let you know that whatever happened is okay, and I'm never going to bring it up again unless you want me too. I just want to be friends with you, okay? I'm not going to do or say anything you are uncomfortable with. Can you stop avoiding me though? Can we go back to being friends like we were before sunday? I'll forget it if you do."

That was impressive. I nodded, and his face relaxed. He let out a big sigh and smiled at me.

"Awesome. So is this like your secret hideout or something? I can see why. No one but the most extreme of nerds must come here."

"Hey! Are you calling me a nerd? I'll have you know that I am sitting on a very comfortable C average in school." I smiled as I said this.

He giggled. He fucking giggled and then covered his mouth. I felt my heart spasm in my chest.

"Oh yeah, cause that's really something to be proud of. I'll have you know that I have all F's in my classes. Beat that, Puke Lemmings."

"You have all F's? What the hell?"

"Yeah I know. Because I came at the end of the school year, I technically haven't turned in most of my work and my credits haven't transferred yet. We're talking to the school about it though." He shrugged.

"Ah. I think I've got the picture now. You're the total nerd who comes to the textbook section. You're secretly horrified by your all F's."

"Damn, you got me!" He giggled again. My heart spasmed again.

This has to stop.

-

Ashton and I walked into music together, talking about leprechauns.

"I hate them! One year I tried to catch one and it left me cookies! Except I ate them and had an allergic reaction! The next year I tried and they gave me candy, which I then choked on! Yeah, you may laugh, but they have it out for me I swear!"

Before I could reply a happy voice butted in. "Hey guys! Who has what out for you Ashton?"

"Luke is putting it out for Ashton," Michael muttered under his breath. I elbowed him hard in the ribs. One thing I've learned about Michael is that he's really shy when you meet him, but once you get to know him he can be loud and sarcastic.

"What Ashton was saying, Calum, is that he choked on some candy the leprechauns gave him," I said.

"Did you suck it?"

"What?" Ashton looked confused.

"Did you suck it first? You should always suck it like a lollipop if you don't want to choke on it," Calum explained, totally oblivious. Ashton coughed as I grinned at Michael, who was also coughing to hold back his laughs. "What? What's so funny? I don't get it guys."

"No, Calum. I did not suck it."

"Excuse me, but can you stop talking about your sex lives please? Some of us are actually trying to pay attention." Ashton turned around and glared at the girl who yelled at us.

"Sorry, I wasn't aware that class had already started." She sniffed and turned away, just as Mr. Monohan walked in and shut the door.

"Alright class, today we will begin our end of the year project. For your project you will get into groups and write a song, which you will perform as your final. Understood? Yes? Alright, get in your groups!"

I looked at Calum and Michael, who were already looking at me and Ashton.

"Group?" Michael asked. We all nodded.

"Okay so first things first: sorry to ask but what do you guys play? I don't remember you ever telling me." Ashton pointed at us individually as we told him what we played. "Alright, sounds good, second order of business. Has anyone ever written a song before?" We all looked at each other. Calum and Michael both shook their heads, as did I. "Okay. Good thing I have."

"You write?" That's news to me.

"Yeah, sort of. It's really bad though, so you guys are definitely going to need to help."

We all arranged to meet at Ashton's house, because he obviously couldn't move his drum set as easily as we could move our guitars. I could tell Ashton was worried about showing us his song, which made me feel bad, seeing as I had also written a few. I just didn't want anyone else to know.

"Guys. Guess what," Calum asked us excitedly.

"You finally got laid," Michael deadpanned.

"What? No."

"You finally got a date."

"No! Wait, that's-"

"You are a drug addict."

"No Michael shut up!" Calum shook his head, excitement returning. "What I was going to say was that there's only two and a half more weeks till summer break!!!"

"Yeah, you didn't know that?" I looked at him, surprised.

"Of course I knew, I just didn't know If you know what I mean." We all shook our heads at Calum's stupidity.

"Yes, Calum, there are only two and a half weeks till summer. You're so smart." Ashton giggled after speaking. 

Is this gonna be a regular occurrence or...

Because my heart needs to know.

"Guysssssss we should hang out over the summerrrr."Michael stretched himself out, laying over our laps. "We can go to the beach and hang out and eat ice cream-"

"Careful Mikey your white girl is showing," Calum teased.

"Nah mate thats my gay." Ashton and I snapped our heads to Michael. He opened one eye. "What? Like you didn't know. Just like I didn't know that you two are also gay. Just like I didn't know that Calum here is asexual and biromantic as fuck."

"I haven't told anyone that, Michael! How would you know?" Calum looked shocked, but a little relieved that he didn't have to come out by himself.

"My gay-dar is totally off the charts." He took one look at our faces and clarified. "I'm just really observant. Calum, you have never shown an interest in sex and that one time I showed you a porno you had your eyes covered the whole time. And I'm pretty sure I knew you liked both genders before you did. Ashton, I haven't known you a long time but you've been here maybe a week, and not once have you looked at Big-Boobs Brittany who has had her eye on you since day one, much like all the other girls here."

"And me? How did you know I was gay?" I asked, terrified of what he might say. Was it obvious? Could my family tell? Could everyone else tell?

"Dude, you never once looked at the girls. It wasn't hard to figure out." He leaned in and whispered to me. "Plus, the look in your eyes when you see Ashton gives it all away. But don't worry, he's an oblivious little fuck."

-

Ashton and I walked into the therapy room together, sitting down next to Angie when we arrived.

"Hey guys! What-" She was cut off by Mrs. Hoadly striding into the room, slamming the door behind her. She sat down in her chair with a huff, uncapped her pen, and looked at the first person.

"Ashton. Would you care to tell us why you are here."

"Not particularly ma'am."

"You mentioned something the other day about-"

"I would rather not talk about it, thank you," he said firmly. Mrs Hoadly looked put out, and grumpily moved on to the next person.

"Damn. Ashton has a rude side!" Angie leaned over to me and whispered in my ear. "It's kinda hot, am I right?" So right.

"Angie. It's not happening. Stop trying to make it happen." She had spent three hours last night texting me about how cute/nice/funny Ashton was. "Besides, if you love him so much then why don't you date him?"

"I've told you-" I cut her off, my voice rising.

"Yeah, yeah, dicks are gross, we do not like dicks, whatever." I looked up, noticing how everyone was looking at me. A wave of embarrassment crashed over me, my face burning up.

"Luke? Are you quite alright?" Mrs. Hoadly looked concerned for once.

I looked around and stood up. "I need to use the bathroom." I left before she could even reply.

I walked out of the center. I was only ten minutes early, but my mom would notice if I came home even that much earlier. I saw Marisa and decided to talk to her. She saw me walking over and stood up.

"Hey Luke! Did you get out early? Where's Angie? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, everyone's fine, I just got upset about something and overreacted."

"Are you sure you're okay? Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't want to be rude, Marisa, but no, I don't want to talk about it." She looked really understanding, something I was thankful for. "Why do you wait for Angie here all the time? I get that you want to see her, but do you always pick her up from everything?"

She sat down, and I followed her example. "Funny story, that. See, Angie and I actually met in this therapy group. I was there for alcoholism, which I can proudly say I am over. She was in for her mild kleptomania, and as we got closer I found out how much this group really fucks her up. Her life is really hard, you know? It takes a lot for her to act this happy, and I guess I just want to be there for her." I sat there, in total awe of that speech.

"You really do care for her, don't you?"

She stared hard at me, as if she could convey how much she meant it with her stare alone. "I love her with everything in me."

We sat together for a few minutes, until the doors burst open and a ball of fiery hair hurtled towards us, followed by a worried Ashton.

"Hi Marisa oh my gosh Luke I'm so sorry I overstepped myself I didn't mean it you were right of course I'm just so sorry I really shouldn't have done that are you okay? I'm so sorry!" Tears brimmed in her huge blue eyes. (A/N used most typical line. Check that off to-do list.)

"No, Angie, you did nothing wrong. I just overreacted and shouldn't have."

"Thank you. Can we hug it out?" Without letting me answer she attacked me, hugging me tightly. I could feel all her bones, and her arms gripping me with surprising strength for someone with such little mass. It reminded me of what Marisa had just mentioned about her life being hard and all. I started getting really worried about her then. 

She let go and addressed me and Ashton, who had been watching the whole time. "So, what are you guys doing for the summer? Anything planned?"

"Not really. Probably just gonna hang out with friends, sleep, eat. How about you Luke?"

"I might just do the same thing. Nothing cool. Are you two doing anything fun?" I directed the question towards Angie and Marisa.

"We actually got permission to spend some time out in my families beach house! As long as we bring some people, my parents don't really want us to be alone. Can't imagine why..." She turned to her girlfriend. "Who should we invite?"

"I don't know, Carla, Devin and Harry?" Angie scrunched up her nose.

"No. They're too conservative, we would have to tone it WAY down in front of them. Cali and Karrie?"

"Do you really want to invite our ex's? Who happened to get together like we did?"

"Good point, didn't think of that. Too much lesbian, estrogen, and past feelings in one place. Plus I'm still totally sure Cali wants you back. So no. Who else do we know..." She slowly turns to us. "Hey guys... You wanna come to my families beach house? I know we haven't all known each other for very long at all, but I'd say that we're all good friends, and I mean, we therapy kids have to stick together. What do you say?"

I shared a look with Ashton. "I would love to, I just don't know what my mom will say. She'll probably say yes, but she might need confirmation that you exist."

"I'm sure I can go. I'm 18, so my parents really don't have that much of a say in it."

"Awesome!" Angie shared a look with Marisa. "I think we need a couple more... two boys and two girls, alone in a beach house together? Sure, we're all gay, but no one else knows that..."

Ashton and I looked at each other, seeming to have the same idea.(A/N another typical line! I'm on a roll!)

"Would you mind if we brought along a couple of people? I bet you would really like them."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one told me the hardest part of writing was making up chapter names.
> 
> Ive got this cliched/overused line thing down! Now I just have to figure out how to not have it down... 
> 
> Hope y'all liked it!
> 
> P.S. guysss this is so long for me! Be proud! *dances under the rainbows of happiness, the words 'LOOOOOVVEE MEEEE' being whispered quietly into onlookers ears*


	9. Sick Day

"Hey guys!" Sitting down at our lunch table Ashton and I greeted Calum and Michael. We were really psyched to tell them about the beach house, and we decided we wanted to do it together.

"So. You guys know how we were talking about summer plans yesterday?" I started.

"Yes..." Michael looked at us in suspicion.

"Well, Ashton and I have a trip planned-"

"Guyssss! You said we could hang out and go to the beach and get ice cream and all that shit that friends do!" Michael wined at us.

"Yeah, well we can still do that. No Michael, stop giving me that face. Listen! So we have these friends who are going to their parent's beach house and have invited us. Now we are inviting you guys!" Ashton smiled at each of them.

"Wait really? I've always wanted to live in a beach house! Oh my god this is great!" Calum jumped around in his seat.

"Yeah, well, don't get too excited about it. We all still have to ask our parents." I felt bad about raining on Calum's parade, but he soon perked back up.

"Whatever, I'm going to a beach house! We're going to a beach house, We're going to a beach house!!" Calum sang, turning to Michael who looked less than impressed.

"Excuse me, but who's going to a beach house?" Calum turned around and saw Lillian Greyson. Along with being the schools student body president, she was also the schools biggest slut. She had sleeping around to get to the top down to a science.

"We are, actually," Calum got out once he recovered from the shock of one of the school's most popular people talking to him, Calum Hood, loner extraordinaire.

"Well," she said, leaning forward so her already prominent cleavage was even more obvious. "Is it an open invitation?"

Calum looked down at her boobs and looked back up, looking uncomfortable. "It's not. Sorry," he replied, not looking sorry at all.

She arched her back a little more, practically smothering him. "Well is there any way I can get on the list?"

"No, there isn't. It's closed. Now I don't wish to be rude, but please go away." Ashton interjected, not fazed when Lillian huffed and stalked off.

Silence fell upon our table as we absorbed what just happened. "I cannot believe she had the balls to ask herself to come," Calum said. Ashton snorted.

"I can't believe she had the balls to try and seduce you to come."

"What?" Calum looked confused.

"The boobs, Calum honey. Try to understand sex things." Michael spoke to him as if speaking to a child.

"Hey! Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I don't get sex things!"

"No," I replied, "But you're really innocent."

"I am not! Here, I'll show you I get sex things!"

"Oh, this should be good," Michael muttered under his breath.

Calum turned to Ashton and said "Do you want an Australian kiss? It's like a French kiss, but down under."

Silence. "You only know that because of the Australia pun, don't you?"

"Shut up Michael! No one likes you anyway!"

-

"Alright class, I'm giving you time to work on your end of the year project. You should be beginning to work on your songs!" Mr. Monohan raised his voice over everyone talking. "You should aim to be done with it after the first week so that you have ample time to practice!"

Calum, Ashton, Michael, and I turned our chairs to face one another. "Ashton, did you bring your song with you?"

He looked nervous, but brought out a ratty notebook with a lot of post-it notes sticking out. He opened up to one and gave it to me. "Amnesia," I read aloud.

"The second verse is really bad, it's basically a placeholder until I find something good. The whole thing is really bad actually."

I scanned through the lines, nodding my head at some of them. "Ashton, this is really good. The second verse isn't, sorry, but everything else is so good!"

Calum grabbed the notebook from me and read the second verse aloud. "I feel like you never loved me, feel like you were never there/I can't believe you did that and now you're standing here/and when you look at me I think what have I done?" He looks up. "This is some pretty heavy emotions. But yeah, Luke was right, it's pretty bad and doesn't quite fit with the rest of the song."

I thought of something. As everyone else was talking about the verse, I shyly grabbed my spiral out of my bag and opened it. In the back there was a song I had never been able to finish. I looked it over again, adding some words here and there and taking some out. I took Ashton's notebook back from Calum and rewrote the entire thing, substituting my verse for Ashton's second verse and adding my bridge.

"Um, Ashton?" They all turned to me. I gave the spiral to him, saying "Is this okay? I hope you don't mind."

He read it over, humming along. He looked back up at me. "Luke, it's incredible." He passed it along to the other guys who agreed, but I was still looking at Ashton. He thought it was good?

"Alright so I'll come up with something to show you how I think the song goes, and maybe you guys can figure out your own separate parts? Then we can work on it together in a couple of days?"

"How about you just sing it for us and we'll record it?" Ashton looked uncomfortable.

"Come on man, I can't even read music! It'll be so much easier this way!" Michael said.

"Ashton," He turned to me. I smiled at him. "You'll do fine. You don't have to sing for the performance, just so we get an idea." He still looked unsure, but nodded slowly.

"Here," I said, "I'll record it and then send it to you all. I need to get your guy's numbers anyway." Everyone nodded. I knew having only one phone in Ashton's face would make him more comfortable.

I opened the voice recording app on my phone and pressed record, nodding to Ashton.

"I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted/I thought about our last kiss how it felt, the way it tasted..." I got lost in his voice. The quiver in his voice at the bridge, how he closed his eyes at the chorus. He sang so passionately, it reminded me of what Calum had said about strong emotions.

-

That night I stayed up late, just thinking. About Ashton, feelings, emotions, the past. Who could Ashton have written that song for? What happened to make him write a song like that? It made me realize how little I actually knew about him. He seemed like such a happy guy, but he does go to therapy. He did self harm. He wrote a song like Amnesia. There had to be more layers to this guy than I thought there were. I felt a need to find out everything about him, to know everything there is to know, to discover what makes Ashton Ashton. I wanted to know, but at the same time, I knew getting to know him would mean him getting to know me as well. Sure, he seems like a nice guy, but don't they all at first? Both of them did, and look where it got me. I couldn't risk it again. I was terrified of what I might do if it did happen again. I was still cutting, but that didn't mean I wanted to die. I might hate myself, but death? Never seemed like a good thing to do.

That got me to thinking about Angie, and what Marisa said about her life being hard. I remembered the feel of her bones when she hugged me. She always acts so happy and energetic, it's almost hard to imagine that she has problems too. I had been told about her anorexia, though. She never seemed to talk much about herself, never sharing how she feels or her opinions on anything. She stayed behind this happy shell, hiding away from the real world. She and Ashton seemed to have a lot of similarities, once you broke it down.

I drifted off to sleep, hearing the sounds of the storm through my window.

-

The next morning I woke up to the sun streaming across my face. I looked over at the clock and noticed it was 9:42. Why hadn't my mom woken me up for school? I sneezed. I went to wipe my nose and I saw a purple post-it note fall off my forehead.

Luke, it read, I tried to wake you up today and noticed your window was open. Silly boy! Don't you know storms cause sickness? You had a fever and wouldn't wake up when I shook you, so I just let you stay in bed! Happy day off! But I scheduled an appointment with Dr. Burke for three, we don't know what diseases you caught from that storm.

Three? Thats when I had practice at Ashton's house for music! Eh, I can probably get out of the doctors appointment.

I spent the rest of the day working on the guitar chords for Amnesia. Around noon I got a couple of texts from Calum, Michael, and Ashton, all wondering where I was.

From: Cal-Pal :)

Hey are you here today?

From: Cal-Pal :)

Are you okay?

From: Cal-Pal :)

Did you ditch?

From: Ashton

I didn't find you in the library are you at school?

From: Mikey

Hey loverboy your boyfriend is freaking out. Actually Cal is freaking out but still. Text back.

I sent everyone a group message.

From: Luke

Hey guys! Im sick, but I will still go to practice at Ashton's.

I also sent a message to just Michael.

From: Luke

I hate you. Shut up.

I pressed send and dropped my phone. A few seconds later my phone chimed, signaling an incoming message.

From: Mikey

You love me. Not as much as you love Ashton but still.

From: Luke

Fuck you

From: Mikey

*Ashton

From: Luke

What??

From: Mikey

Just noticed a typo. Don't mind me.

How did he expect me to respond to that? I threw my phone on the bed, running my fingers through my hair. Why was it that everyone seemed to think I liked Ashton? First Angie, now Michael. Who next? Was Ashton himself going to think I liked him?

What did I do to make people think that? Did I look at him too much? Michael said something about my heart eyes, maybe that's it. Maybe I should stop that, I thought. I didn't want Ashton to think anything, and then have him hate me. I was against him being my friend when I had first met him, but once we became friends and I started to get to know him, I would hate it anything came between our friendship. So I made the conscious decision to tone it down around Ashton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to say one thing... I made a character in the beginning of this chapter, Lillian, who is a bit of a slut. now, I don't like slut shaming, I think people who are confident enough should be able to act confidently, however I think people who sleep around to get their way are exempt from that. Sorry, its just my opinion.


	10. Band Practice

I walked over to Ashton's house with my guitar on my back. He had given me his address during class yesterday, so I knew where to go, glad he only lived a five minute walk from me.

When I arrived, I heard music already coming from the garage, the smooth bass mixing with guitar strums to make an almost recognizable melody. Almost, but not quite.

Instead of using the front door, I went over to the garage door and lifted it up. All three of the inhabitants jumped and turned to face me.

"Wha- Jesus Luke what the fuck." Calum rested his hand over his heart. "I could have died!"

"No baby don't dieee!!" Michael tackle hugged Calum. As they laughed and shoved each other, I looked at Ashton and said "You should really get a lock on this thing, or at least upgrade and get one that doesn't roll up. If I were a serial killer you would all be dead." He muttered something under his breath that I couldn't understand. It sounded like he had said 'If you were a serial killer, I'd let you kill me' but I probably misheard. He cleared his throat and turned to the other members of our group, who were laying on the ground giggling uncontrollably.

"Alright you two, stop dicking about. Let's practice, shall we?" They sprung up and we all grabbed our notebooks with our separate parts on them. I took out my guitar, Ashton sat at his drum kit, and the other two grabbed their instruments. "Lets take it slow at first, okay?" At our nods, Ashton began a count off.

It was bad. It wasn't really bad so much as messy, but none of us knew what to expect from each others parts and that threw everyone off.

"Okay, stop," Michael yelled as we struggled through the second chorus. "How about we go through what we have for each bit, and work on it piece by piece?"

Calum patted him on the back. "Good idea, Clifford." Michael looked proud, shrugging one shoulder as if to say, Yeah, I'm great, I know.

"Okay so I have an intro..."

A/N So here its gonna be a bit of a time skip, but I'm going to do a sort of montage-y sort of thing so important shit doesn't get left out...

"Guys. I think we got it. We actually got it." Calum slipped from his seat on his amp and hit the ground. Three days after our first practice and we had just gotten through playing the song correctly for the first time.

"Yes we did Calum. But I think it would be better a different way..." Calum groaned and threw his pick at Michael, hitting him in the knee.

"Shut up Mikey and let me be happy. I'm going to sleep. I think the neighbors would appreciate a little piece and quiet for once." He threw an arm over his eyes dramatically.

"Calum, I thought we'd never speak of that!" Michael seemed to realize Ashton and I were still there and he froze.

"What?" I asked slowly. 

"What?" Calum looked confused, not really sure what just happened. "I just said I wasn't going to play anymore..."

Michael unfroze and laughed awkwardly. "Yeah, I was just joking around, don't sweat it Calum."

Ashton and I looked at each other. To hell he was just joking around. Ashton let out a little uncomfortable giggle, and my heart goes wild against my ribs.

-

"Luke!" I whipped around, almost slipping in the wet shower. "I didn't know you could sing!"

"Ashton what the hell! What are you doing here?" I opened the shower curtain a crack and looked at him. His eyes were, thankfully, closed but he was grinning like a mad man.

"Sing with me! C'mon, we'll sing Titanium!" 

"No, Ashton, this won't be some Pitch Perfect shit. You can't just walk into peoples bathrooms while they're showering! Could you at least, like, throw me a towel?" 

He groped around behind him, only opening his eyes when his hand hit the sink, turning the faucet on. His eyes widened as he looked at me, staring at the little bit of skin he could see behind the curtain. I rose an eyebrow at him, trying to maintain my cool as he blushed and turned around, grabbed a towel, threw it at me, and ran out.

I turned the shower off and dried my body, thankful that I had thought to bring a change of clothes in the bathroom with me. I turned off the faucet that Ashton had thoughtfully let run and pulled on my clothes, grimacing at the feel of the damp t-shirt and pulling extra hard to get my pants up. I hated putting clothes of so soon after a shower, but with Ashton here I couldn't exactly chill naked in my room like I usually did. I mean I could, but... No.

I walked in my room to see Ashton sitting in the middle of the floor, looking at my All Time Low posters. He jumped up when he saw that I had entered, and said "So! When were you going to tell me you can sing?"

I turned away to throw my dirty clothes in the basket in my closet. "Everyone can sing."

"Yeah okay wise guy, when were you gonna tell me you can sing well?" I turned to face him.

"I wasn't. I don't sing." He didn't look impressed.

"Yes you can. You sing very well, I'm sure your shower head is just as impressed as I am. And guess what? So will our music class, because you are going to sing Amnesia."

-

One week until our Music final, two days after Ashton caught me singing in the shower, he brought it up at practice.

"OMG Luke you can sing? Sing for me Lukey sing for me!" Calum nearly burst my eardrums with his enthusiasm. 

"Don't call me Lukey. And calm your tits mate!" 

"Calm my- what? I don't have those! Luke sing for me!" I sighed and started an off-key rendition of Happy Birthday.

"No Lukey, sing for real!" Ashton giggled, and my heart performed its now familiar spasm.

"Wait so he can call you Lukey but I- Mmmph!" Calum glared at Michael who had covered his mouth. Ashton giggled again. Spasm.

I started singing a song I wrote a couple of months ago. "My boyfriend's bitching cause I always sleep in/He's always screaming when he's calling his friends/he's kinda hot though/Yeah he's kinda hot though." Ashton giggles yet again when I make faces at him while singing.

Spasm. Double spasm.

"Who wrote that? I like it." Uh oh. Major uh oh.

"Umm.. Jace Morgenstern. Yeah, Jace Morgenstern." Ashton looked at me funny.

"Isn't that that guy from that one book..." Shit. No wonder that popped into my head so quickly.

"No, wasn't that Jace Wayland?" Michael interjected. 

"Oh. Yeah." Ashton giggled his fucking giggle.

#spasm

(A/N in light of recent events I think that song was necessary.)

-

"Hey Ashy-kinz and Lukey-poo! Wait up!" Angie ran towards us, pulling Marisa behind her. "You said we'd be meeting these friends of yours that you're inviting to the beach house?"

"Yeah, we're gonna meet them at the Starbucks down the street." Angie smiled and nodded, and we all started walking towards the coffee shop. Halfway there Marisa noticed Angie was lagging behind so she scooped her up and carried her, accompanied by Angie's screams of "Put me down!" and "Oh my god I'm gonna die!"

Once Marisa put Angie down in the doorway, we entered Starbucks and waited in the surprisingly short line. When it was our turn, we all stepped up and placed our orders.

"Hi, can I have the Cool Lime Refresher please?" Angie asked, pairing it with a bright smile. ("Without the caffeine, please" Marisa butts in.)

"I would like a Dark Roast." Ashton.

I walked up and asked for a "hot chocolate, please."

"Hi can I have the S'mores Frappachino with a blend of coffee and cream, low-fat, an extra shot of the chocolate sauce, and with some cinnamon on top? Thank you!" We all turned to Marisa. "What, I like it made a very specific way," she defended.

Our drinks made and payed for, we made our way over to where Calum and Michael sat, coffees already half gone. 

"Hi! I'm Angie! You guys are coming with us to the beach house, right? Introduce yourselves, please!" Angie plopped right down across from Calum, Marisa sitting next to her. I sat down next to Michael, who sat next to Calum, and Ashton sat at the head.

Introductions were made, and Angie looked at her barely sipped Refresher with a frown.

"Okay, judgement day is here. You-" She points at Calum "sound really cool. And you-" She points at Michael "have cool hair. You both can come."

"Awesome, so all I had to do was sit here and look pretty and you would have let me go? Hey, wait! Why did you make me talk about the last time I had sex, as well as the circumstances and if I used contraception or not?" Michael pouted and looked rather put out.

"This is very import an information! Don't risk it, wrap your biscuit!" Angie looked around earnestly at all of us. "Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener! No glove, no love!" She slammed her fist down. "Guys stop laughing! It's important!"

-

"Luke, do you really think it's a good idea to leave for an extended trip? What about therapy, do you think it's wise to leave that?" My mom was proving hard to convince.

"Mom, I understand that you want me to go, but how many times do I have to say it? It's not as effective as you think it is!" I calmed myself down and recalled what Ashton told me to say the other day. ("It's tried and tested, it'll work I swear.") "Mom, maybe what I need is to be with my friends, away from anything that could stress me. This could help me more than therapy." She looked thoughtful for a second.

"That's another thing! These friends, you say you met them at therapy? How do I know they will be good influences on you? And you wont have any legal adults!"

"Actually, two friends are from school, and of course they will all be fine influences! Us therapy kids gotta stick together," I quoted Angie with a small grin.

"Well... What about the adults?"

"Ashton will be going, and he turned 18 a while ago mom. We'll be fine! All of us are lazy bums, it's not like we'll be going to parties right and left!" I tried to imagine us at a party. Marisa trying to contain a buzzed Angie, poor naive Calum talking to strangers who just want to get in his pants, Michael being the protective shit he is, and me just sitting in the corner, Ashton keeping me company like the gentleman that he is.

"Well... I don't like it, but I don't see any real reason that you can't go." I looked up at mom in shock. She actually agreed? She'd always been strict, not to mention recently she had been so sold on the idea that therapy would actually help me. "You leave the day after graduation, right? You have time, but start thinking bout packing."

Eh, I'll do it later. Like she said, I have time.

-

From: Luke

Hey guys so my mom said I can go!

From: Angie

Yeah buddy! I'm getting the party bus ready and everything! Do you think Michael can pole dance? He has the booty for it!

From: Marisa

Trying not to think of my girlfriend looking at some guys ass, but actually I think Luke would be better. He has the legs.

From: Angie

But Ashton, though? He has the most muscle, he could actually lift himself up.

From: Ashton

Hey guys is there any summer homework at our school?

From: Ashton

Oh man what have I stumbled into

From: Michael

I do know how to pole dance, thank you very much. And I'd say my booty looks fantastic while doing it!

From: Angie

Of course theres no summer homework dingus, you graduate!

From: Ashton

Oh. So used to it at my old school.

From: Angie

You had summer homework? Ugh, I hate the ruler of the world! He sits on his throne made of textbooks and orders his monkey minions to build his tower of universal domination while he laughs over his fat free Doritos that his momma packed him!

From: Calum

Angie what drugs are you on and how can I properly dispose of them

From: Angie

Why do people always think I'm on drugs?

From: Luke

Read your last text, Angie.

From: Angie

Ah. I see. I'll try to tone it down a bit for you guys.

From: Michael

Good. Attentionwhores are annoying.

From: Michael

NOT that I meant you were an attentionwhore!

From: Marisa

Word this carefully, Clifford.

From: Calum

You better not have meant me. Just because your family likes me better...

From: Michael

My family doesn't like you better. You chew gum really loudly.

From: Calum

Whoa. Tell me how you really feel, Mikey.

From: Angie

Does your family hate gum? Can I meet them? I'm terrified of gum! Long have I awaited the arrival of a gum-free environment!

From: Luke

God this conversation is a mess.

From: Angie

*Quietly jams to I'm A Mess by Ed Sheeran*

From: Angie

Eew, no, I take it back, I don't want to put my faith in his stomach! Thats like relying on his stomach juices! The stomach juices will not show me the way, I fear you oh acid of all acids!

From: Ashton

Someday we will find the drugs she has hidden in her side boob I swear.

-

"Michael, I don't want to just take all your solos! Take them back, if not all then at least some!" I was pleading with Michael. I felt so guilty about taking away his shot at singing, plus his voice was so good.

"No Luke, I don't want them! Now we're going on in ten minutes, so we can't switch now!"

"I just... I feel bad about this."

"Hey hey," Michael soothed. "You are a lot better than me, and your voice fits better. Mine always sounded too attitude-y for this song. I'm happy just singing harmonies and whatnot." Wow. The boy might go from shy to sarcastic fast enough to give you whiplash, but he did know how to make someone feel better.

After sitting through two more performances, one a poorly written song about parties and drugs and the other a well written, if dramatic, country song about a guy stealing his girlfriends truck, dog, and best friend, we were up.

We set up, adjusted amp settings and microphones, and then Ashton introduced us.

"Hey everybody, we will be performing a song called Amnesia. It was written by Luke Hemmings and I, and each member wrote their own section." He counted us off, and then the intro began.

Calum's voice rang out. "I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted/I thought about our last kiss how it felt, the way it tasted..." And suddenly I was singing the chorus, with Michael backing me up. For all the psyching myself out, it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Calum sang again, and then it was time. I sang the bridge, the part I wrote, and had no one else singing with me.

I had sung the first bit of the song, of course, but singing the part that I wrote was a whole new experience. I could see why Ashton didn't want to sing this, despite his voice being lovely. It was incredibly nerve-wracking, wondering how people were taking my lyrics, hoping that I sounded good, because any comment made on that, good or bad, would be amplified because I wrote it.

-

"Lukey-poo! I didn't know you sang! Or wrote, or played guitar!" Angie squealed. We had invited Marisa and Angie out for celebratory pizza due to our performance going so well.

"Don't call me Lukey," I muttered under my breath as Ashton responded to Angie.

"Yeah, he never told us either. Everything he did we basically had to drag out of him." Ashton giggled. Cue heart twitch. Ah, never fails.

There was a silence, filled only by the sound of chewing and Michael's pornographic moans.

"Mikey, why are people looking at you weird?" Calum whispered.

"Yeah mate, calm down, wouldn't want people to think you have a pizza kink," Marisa joked. Ashton and I watched as Calum puzzled it out, finally seeming to understand when his eyes widened and his mouth opened in a silent 'o'.

"I get it now..." He whispered. Angie looked at me quizzically.

"Is this kid for real?" I nodded. "What kind of teenage boy doesn't get sex?"

"The naive, sheltered, asexual kind." Her faced showed understanding, and she raised her Kiddie Cocktail in a toast.

"To graduating school, to friends, and, most importantly, to beaches!"


	11. Graduation

"Hello everybody and welcome back to the Circle of Truth! Now, I know some of you have summer plans, so we will be having an extended session today!"

Angie looked at me. "Is that even legal?" She whispered over all the groans of protest. I shrugged and shook my head.

Ashton leaned over and said "I'm actually pretty sure we are not obligated to stay any longer than a normal therapy session."

Mrs. Hoadly interrupted us. "Miss Galente, Mr. Hemmings, Mr. Irwin, do you have anything to share with the group?" Ashton sat up.

"Actually, we were just saying how we have prior commitments and we regret that we won't be able to stay the extra time," He said smoothly. His politeness amazed me, I definitely wouldn't have been able to keep my cool.

Mrs. Hoadly's nostrils flared. "Alright then, how about you three go first, so that we can be sure to reach you in time? Angie, what are you here for?"

Angie sat back and glared, saying nothing. She looked really angry, and I could tell Mrs. Hoadly saw it too because she moved on. "Ashton, can you tell me why you are here?"

"I mean I could... But I won't." Damn. Boy got balls. I shook my head, trying to get thoughts of Ashton's balls out of my head, just in time to hear Mrs. Hoadly ask me why I was here.

"Would you believe me if I told you I was pregnant?" She shook her head and moved on. So I guess that's a no...?

Ashton leaned over and whispered "I'd believe you."

"I swear if that's a bottom joke..." I whispered back. He just sat back and giggled quietly. I frowned, even as my heart tripped in my chest. As if I'd bottom...

Escaping therapy wasn't hard, all three of us just stood up, said goodbye to everyone, and walked out. I think a couple of people followed us out, but I didn't pay attention. I was internally freaking out about what I had just done. What would my mom say? I was going to get in so much trouble when I got home, she would yell at me so much. It wasn't even the yelling I didn't want, but what the yelling meant terrified me. Yelling meant I'd done something bad, something to disappoint her, something to make her upset, and I never wanted to upset my mother.

"Hey mate, are you okay?" Ashton's hand on my shoulder distracted me. My arm must have fallen asleep, because it was tingling uncontrollably. I looked up and nodded, staring into his hazel eyes. He turned away to open the door and I shook my head, breaking out of my reverie.

Why did I always go into a trance around Ashton, anyway? I mean yeah, he's attractive, even a blind man could see that, but that doesn't mean Angie and everyone else are all right. That doesn't mean I like him, does it? I didn't even want to think about it.

"So Luke, Ashton, you two are graduating tomorrow, right?" Marisa asked.

"Yeah! I'm really excited, but why the hell are they making us graduate on a Monday? In what world does that make sense?" Ashton had been asking everyone this. Apparently at his old school they graduated on a Friday. Makes more sense, I guess.

"It doesn't have to make sense in a normal world. Why can't it make dollars in a fucked up one?" Angie nodded and smiled as if she had said something profound. Marisa just looked at her with a 'What the fuck?' face, probably mirroring my facial expression.

"God you're so crazy. I love you, but you're so crazy." She leaned down and kissed her. Not breaking the kiss, Angie reached out and flapped her hand at Ashton and I, finding my chest and pushing me away.

"Isn't that what they call us when we go to therapy?" She replied between kisses. Marisa pulled away and looked down at her diminutive girlfriend.

"Someone knows how to kill the mood."

"But I have to give it to Angie, crazy was probably not the best word to use right after therapy." Ashton joked.

"Oh let Marisa be, its not like she did anything really bad," I said as I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her shoulders, hugging Marisa while smirking at Angie. She walked up to me and placed a tiny had on my back.

"I'm sorry to tell you this Luke, but you're gay. She's gay. It's not going to work. So stop touching my girlfriend." I laughed and let go, stretching up to my full height.

"Oh yeah? And what's a munchkin like yourself gonna do about it?" Her face turned bright red.

"Oh that's it. You're asking for it now." She rushed up to me, pushing her hands into my chest and throwing me off balance. She was surprisingly stronger than she looked. I recovered quickly and picked her up, holding her over my shoulder, shocked at how little she weighed. I looked around and made eye contact with all the people giving us judging stares. They probably thought I was kidnapping a small child. As I looked at them, one by one they all looked away. Angie thrashed again in my arms, but this time her foot clad in a steel toed combat boot kicked me right where my left thigh met my torso. I hissed in pain and dropped her, turning around and running my hands over my hair to calm myself. As I turned back around I caught Ashton's eye, who gave me a sad, knowing smile.

"Oh I'm so sorry Lukey, did I kick you in the balls? I'm sorry oh my god what do I do does he just heal? What even happens? God I should have payed more attention in health class, I know nothing about male genetalia! He's never gonna have kids now is he?" I stopped Angie's rambling.

"Honey, I was never gonna have kids anyway. Like you said, very gay." I was becoming more comfortable talking about my sexuality with my friends, probably because none of them identified at heterosexual.

"You're okay! I thought I'd really hurt you!" Angie looked so relieved.

As we left the community center, Ashton whispered in my ear. "How recent?"

"About a day?" I hesitated before answering, but the look he gave me was so understanding and earnest I found myself answering before I knew I was going to. Guess I can add 'No self control' on my list of faults.

"Are you okay?" He genuinely looked concerned. I nodded and we parted ways, not without saying goodbye and Ashton hugging me. He must have hugged me too tight because I felt a wave of prickles wash over me.

-

"Luke, what are you doing?? You're going to be late for graduation! Have you packed for your trip yet?"

I raised my head and yelled back "I'll be out in a second!" I heard her footsteps move away from the bathroom and I stood up from where I had been sitting, curled up against the bathtub and the wall. I grabbed my spare washcloth that I used for cases like these and began to clean my thighs. I hissed as the wet washcloth came in contact with the fresh cuts, seven on one thigh and six on the other. I dried them, pulled up my tight pants, and exited the bathroom.

"Luke, you haven't even started packing! What have you been doing for the last two weeks?" She turned around, her eyes softening when they saw me. I had tried my hardest to clean the tear tracks off my face, but I couldn't help my puffy eyes and I'm sure she could tell I had been crying. "Oh Luke, baby, it'll be okay. I know its hard..." She pulled me into her arms, whispering things I was too far gone to hear. I hugged her back emotionlessly, felling too empty inside to make a real effort.

She pulled back and, patting my cheek and smiling, said "How about you get dressed for graduation, and I'll make you some soup? Chicken noodle, your favorite." I nodded and sniffed. Chicken noodle had always been my favorite, ever since Mom would make it for me when I was upset as a kid. She smiled again and left the room, peeking back in to add "And I'll start to get some clothes out so you can pack, alright? Your friends won't mind leaving a day later, right?" With that she was gone, humming like she would when I was a kid.

I went through the motions of getting dressed in my nice clothes, feeling like my brain was out floating somewhere, leaving my body to fend for itself. I bumped into my dresser, hitting my thigh. I just looked down and moved on.

I walked downstairs to see my mom putting three bowls of chicken noodle soup on the table. Ben walked in and sat down in front of one of them, while Mom sat down in front of another, leaving the third one for me. I sat down and they both looked up, only then realizing I was there.

"Oh Luke... You look so handsome. So handsome..." She looked at me and teared up a bit, clearly seeing that her baby boy was now grown.

"Mom, please. I thought we talked about this." I smiled fakely and grabbed her hand.

She wiped her eyes and muttered "Yes yes, no stereotypical mother I got it..." I let go of her hand and started eating my soup mechanically. A foot nudged me under the table, and I had to look under to see that it was Ben's. He gave me an "Are you okay?" look and I nodded, going back to my soup. Halfway through our clock made a loud noise, signaling that it was 6:00 and making us all jump.

"Mom, why do we still have that bird clock? I'm tired of being woken up at four in the morning because you decided a normal clock wasn't good enough, we needed one that makes bird noises. Bird noises," Ben complained.

"Alright, you have to be at school at 6:15, right? Okay, lets get going!"

-

"Luke Hemmings," our principal called.

"Whooo! Yeah Lukey! I knew you could do it! Look Marisa, that's our little boy up there our little boy is graduating!" I looked out into the crowd to see Angie on her feet clapping, Marisa standing up next to her whooping loudly. I saw my mom two rows back looking at them weirdly, but I almost didn't care. I still felt empty, wondering detachedly if how the stage lights made me feel is how a deer in the headlights felt before it got hit.

I walked off stage and joined Michael in waiting for Calum and Ashton to get out. As Ashton walked out he saw my face for the first time today, and a worried look came over his face. As sweet as it was that he was worrying about me instead of celebrating like the rest of our class, I didn't want his graduation day to be ruined because I couldn't handle a few harsh words being spat at me by my classmates.

-Flashback-

I sat on the swings, just swinging and thinking to myself, when I heard-

"Hey, Puke! Yeah, that's right, I'm talking to you faggot!" It was Brian and what looked like a quarter of the football team. He stalked up to me and pushed me, making me fall backwards off the swing. "What the fuck is wrong with you? Fucking queer. You say you're straight, huh? Yeah well we can all feel your eyes burning into our asses when we change! You're sick! A sick, twisted little faggot."

More words were said, but I was already done listening. They thought they could tell me anything new? They thought they could tell me to kill myself, like I hadn't already been thinking of that? I would have laughed, but I was too sad. They weren't exactly clueing me in on anything, just validating what I already knew.

Last slurs were shot, a few more insults, and they all left, a loud "Fag!" hanging in the air behind them. I picked myself up and dusted off, glad they hadn't left any marks. Physically, no. Mentally? Yes, but my mind was already one big mass of scar tissue, so what's a few more?

-End Flashback-

I smiled at Ashton to ease his mind, not wanting to ruin more than I had to. Call it Damage Control, I guess.

Angie bounced up to me, and I guessed that meant the ceremony was over.

"Congratulations guys! I'm so happy for you! And Luke! I'm so proud of you, little Lukey!" She hugged me, and I began to feel again. I could feel my mind return to my body, and while I wasn't one hundred percent yet, I felt more alive than I had a few seconds previous.

"Little Lukey? What's that all about, Mom? Have you forgotten who the little one here is?" Angie pouted and punched me just before we heard another voice.

"I'd hoped that once you graduated, you wouldn't be so quick to replace me, but I guess I'm not needed here." My mom sniffed and turned away, so I quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her in for a hug.

"I'll never replace you mom," I promised. She pulled away and looked at me, drinking me in, as if she was afraid she would never see me again. Then she turned to look at everyone.

"Ah, are these your friends? Luke, were you ever going to introduce us?" I muttered a quiet no, apoligising quickly when she hit the back of my head lightly.

"Mom, this is Ashton, Calum, Michael," I said, pointing to them each in turn, "and these two are Marisa and Angie." My mom looked Angie up and down, probably not missing the way her wrist bones popped out, or how her skinny jeans exposed her thigh gap.

"I suppose you are the one who invited Luke to her beach house?"

"Yes ma'am, that would be me!" I was surprised she managed to be normal meeting my mom, but then she followed it up with "I'm glad to meet the woman who gave birth to my little Lukey here!" My mom looked her up and down again, then giving me a look that clearly said I like this girl.

"Well, I don't know how little he is now, but you should have seen him when he was a baby!" I groan, knowing that with the two of them, before long the baby pictures would come out.

Angie took one look at me and said "As much as I'd love to see naked baby pictures of your son, and believe me, I would, I think maybe we should get going to the beach house. I'm sure we're all feeling tired."

"I don't want to butt in and change plans, but maybe it would be easier if you all left in the morning? Give everyone an extra night?" Angie gave me a knowing look after listening to my mother.

"You forgot to pack, didn't you? Alright, let's set out first thing tomorrow. Did you hear that guys?" She smacked Calum's arm, bringing their attention from their conversation on video games to hear this. "We're gonna leave first thing tomorrow! Can we all meet here at ten?" We all agreed, except Michael who whined, but agreed as well once he looked at Calum's puppy eyes. "Awesome! See you guys tomorrow then! Bye!" And with that, Angie skipped off into the sunset with her princess by her side, leaving the rest of us feeling sufficiently dismissed.


	12. The Highway

Driving down the highway with Angie in the passenger seat was... An experience. She had control of the music and the windows, and coupled with her childishness it was really fucking annoying.

"Angie, I liked that song! Go back!"

"No Marisa, it was getting old!"

"It was on for two seconds!"

"OUCH! Angie you just closed the window on my hand!"

"Man up Calum, it was just a tap."

"Um, Angie? Could you turn the heat off?"

"Anything for you, Mikey."

Eventually Marisa had to put the top down, making the windows stay down too. "We're getting low on gas. Anyone see a sign for a gas station?"

We pulled in and everyone filed out for a bathroom break. "Luke! Make sure Angie doesn't buy anything with sugar, okay?" Michael requested.

"Oh, like I would actually eat it," Angie quipped, skipping off to the bathroom.

I walked back out to the car after finishing my business, Angie catching up to me when we got there.

"Hey, Luke, can you help me with something?"

-

Back on the road, all was peaceful. We were all quietly jamming out to either the song on the radio or whatever was playing through their earbuds. Marisa and Ashton had switched driving, and she was napping in the back. Suddenly, Ashton pulled over, cutting through two lanes to park on the shoulder.

"Where's Angie?"

"What did you just say?" Marisa startled awake.

"I don't know, I was just thinking about how nice and quiet it was and how I was dreading driving because I thought Angie would be switching the radio every two seconds and I was really glad she was asleep-"

"Get on with it Ashton what did you say about my girlfriend?" Marisa looked angry.

"Whoa don't yell at him like that he's just nervous!" I was quick to defend Ashton.

"I was just saying that I looked back and couldn't see her sleeping! Did anyone check for her when we left the gas station?" Ashton finished quietly.

"You mean half an hour ago? Holy shit my poor baby... Turn the fuck around Irwin and go get her!" She turned from concerned, fretting girlfriend to angry bear in a second.

"Okay okay chill, try calling her while someone finds out how to get there."

Ashton took the next exit off the highway and we made our way back to the gas station we stopped at. 

After half an hour of tense silence after Marisa frantically calling the missing girl, to no response, we arrived at the gas station. Throwing the car in park, we all ran out to the store, Marisa shoving us aside to get there first.

"Angie!" She yelled the second she opened the door. Ignoring all the stares she was getting from the customers she looked down every isle and stalked up to the cashier behind the counter. "Have you seen her? Where is she?"

"Okay Marisa let me talk to him." Calum pushed her down and turned to the intimidated cashier. "Sorry to bother you, but have you seen a girl recently, with reddish blonde hair and about this tall?" He held his hand out at about belly height, Marisa grabbing it to raise it several inches.

"She's not that short, dingus!"

"I might have seen her. Im not sure though. We get a lot of people here. Any other... defining features?" The guy behind the counter looked nervously at Marisa, then back at Calum.

"Yeah, she was wearing..." He turned to Marisa. "Actually, you should tell him."

"She is wearing a ratty maroon cross country hoodie, leggings with shorts, and beat up boots. Her hair was in a weird looking braid, she was probably really loud-" She's suddenly cut off by Michael.

"Um, guys? That picture wasn't there before, and when we were here the counter didn't have Slim Jim's..." We all slowly turned to Michael, who shrunk a little bit under our stares. "What? I just noticed..."

"What are you saying?" Marisa's voice was stone cold.

"I think we're at the wrong gas station." With a scary growl Marisa slammed her hands down on the counter.

"Where are the three closest gas stations? Tell me!" She yelled at the cashier. He scrambled to remember and tried to look them up to remember the addresses.

"Excuse me? But here are the closest ones." A guy about our age walked up to her and handed her a sheet of paper.

"Thanks." She looked over the sheet, then looked at him and nodded.

"Anytime cutie. And I mean anytime. My number's on the back. Call me up when you find your missing friend, huh?" He winked at a surprised Marisa.

"Actually it's my GIRLFRIEND we're trying to find." His faced turned sour.

"Why are all the cute ones fags? Ugh." All of us turned to him incredulously.

"You little shit-" We all pushed her out of the station. "What was that? I had him!"

"We should be focusing on finding Angie." Calum calmed her down.

We ran back to the car, entering the address of the first gas station into the GPS.

Driving there, Michael tried to calm Marisa down.

"He's not worth it."

"Not only did he insult me, he insulted her. He deserves to go down!"

"He's an asshole. You're probably not the only one who hates him. Someone else will do it."

"Guys we're here." This time everyone let Marisa out first as we rushed into the station.

"Have you seen her? I'm looking for a girl," She yelled to the bored looking cashier. It was the same one that we saw the first time around, and Michael nodded at me to show we were in the right place.

"So are we all, boy."

"Girl, I'm a girl," Marisa hissed out through her teeth.

"Actually, she is looking for a girl who looks like this?" Ashton took over this time and showed the guy a picture on his phone.

"Oh yeah, she came in here about half an hour ago, asked to use my phone. She bought a cheeseburger with bacon and left. I think she came back in a few minutes ago and used the bathroom. She might be still in there, I haven't seen her come back out." Marisa and the others rushed to the bathroom while I stayed back.

"She told you to say that, didn't she? I know for a fact she isn't in that bathroom." The guy winked at me, telling me all I needed to know. I walked to my friends, who were all barracaded at the door.

"Angie! Ang, baby are you in there?" Marisa was pounding on the door.

"Does she have bulimic tendencies?" Calum asked.

"Wait, what?" Marisa looked at him, fear and confusion in her eyes.

"The guy said she bought a cheeseburger with bacon. Could she be-"

"No. Angie wouldn't purge. She wouldn't even eat that." Realization must have struck her, because she stopped pounding at the door and turned the knob. As if she knew what was in there, she opened the door and turned to us to show the empty bathroom. "She doesn't even like gas station food."

She stalked out of the station, throwing dirty looks at the guy behind the counter, who winked at me as I left. Marisa continued to walk with purpose to our car, where she threw the door open and saw-

"Hey guys!" Angie smiled at us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A totally inconsequential chapter, just the way I like 'em...
> 
> How are you guys!? I'm great, no longer sleep deprived! I hope you guys are all feeling great, and if not that you all will feel better soon!
> 
> Is it weird to be so happy cause I feel like I'm on drugs.. that Chinese food I ate was really shady... Thanks for reading!!


	13. The Beach House

"Marisa, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to make anybody too scared, I just didn't want this to be a boring car ride!" Angie pleaded with Marisa, who had sat there ignoring her for the last fifteen minutes after discovering that Angie had been in the car the whole time, hiding under the back seat. She finally gave up, and put her headphones in.

From: Marisa

Luke, I know you had something to do with this, so I expect your help.

From: Luke

Yeah, what do you need?

From: Marisa

You remember that creepy asshole back at the first station who gave me his number then proceeded to insult both me and Angie?

From: Luke

Yes...

From: Marisa

So, I'm gonna need you to pretend to be him and send me all kinds of weird flirty messages.

From: Luke

Won't she know it's from me?

From: Marisa

I'll change the contact name, just we need to make it look like I'm texting him and I need to for a while.

From: Luke

So, you want to make her jealous. Got it. Start?

From: Marisa.

Hey cutie, it's Marisa from the gas station :)

And so we texted back and forth for the rest of the car ride, a car ride full of awkward silence and longing glances from Angie, quickly turning to curious ones.

Marisa continued to ignore Angie after we got there. We pulled in the driveway, all of us ogling at the huge beach house.

"Ugh, I've always hated this house. Such a waste of money, no one even goes here anymore." Angie wrinkled her nose and looked at Marisa, who was on her phone texting.

"Yeah well, waste of money it may be, but I'm loving it!" Calum took his seatbelt off and ran into the house, grabbing the key from Ashton.

"Oh no he's not, he's gonna grab the best room!" Michael muttered, unbuckling and taking off into the house as well.

After deciding that unpacking could wait, the rest of us walked - calmly, I might add - into the house for a tour.

As I passed the bedrooms, I heard through an open door "No Calum it's mine" and "Mikey please!". I looked in the room and saw Michael and Calum wrestling on the bed.

"Guys, just share the damn room! We're all gonna have to share anyway, there aren't enough guest bedrooms." Angie had mentioned earlier that she wasn't entirely comfortable with anyone in her room, and the rest of her family expressed the same wish.

"I guess that leaves you and me to share then huh?" I turn around to see Ashton smiling uncertainly at me. I smile and point to a room I liked down the hall.

"That one?" He nodded and we got our stuff from the car.

It was too late to go down to the beach, so we decided to just make dinner and play a few games inside.

"So what did I miss while I was hiding under the back seat?" Angie's words rang into the awkward silence. Marisa didn't look up from her phone, so Calum answered.

"Not much, you just missed Michael being brilliant, Marisa being a mother bear," Angie shot Marisa a warm sort of look. "And you missed some guy being creepy and giving Marisa his phone number." Her face grew darker.

"Dick-face. What has the world come to if some guy just walks up to a girl and gives them their numb..." She seemed to realize something. "Marisa. Who are you texting."

"What? Oh, no one." She looked up, then back down at her phone. Angie's face just crumpled, that being all the confirmation she needed.

Angie's POV

I got up and left the table. Was what I did really bad enough that she wouldn't love me anymore? I knew I was a handful but I thought she didn't mind.

I felt sick. I had only eaten two bites of my spaghetti, but I could feel it coming up. I tried not to run to the bathroom, but once I left the kitchen I had to.

The second I reached the bathroom I fell to my knees in front of the toilet bowl and heaved. I threw up what little had been in my stomach, and felt some bile come up as well.

When I had finished, I didn't have the energy to move, so I kind of collapsed in front of the toilet and lied there shivering. I had promised Marisa I wouldn't go back to bulimia, even if I couldn't help my anorexia.

But it didn't matter now, did it? It's not like she would care, she doesn't even care about me. How long had this been going on? When did she fall out of love with me? What did I do, when did I get to be too much for her? When was she going to break it off, or was she just waiting until our vacation was over? Did she realize in the car, and feel bad? What did I do?

Why didn't she love me?

With that thought on repeat in my mind, I washed my mouth and brushed my teeth with my finger and the spare toothpaste in the medicine cabinet. Mustering up what energy I had left, I went to Marisa and my room. Well, my room. I doubt she was going to want to sleep with me now. I looked around and all I could see was Marisa's things. I couldn't stay here either.

Marisa's POV

Angie got up and left, and I immediately felt guilty. I looked at Luke; had we gone too far?

"Oh, you fucked up now." Michael muttered. I looked at him and realized none of the others knew what was going on.

"No, see, Luke is pretending to be the creepy boy so that I can get back at Angie. I didn't imagine it would go this way..." I trailed off, wondering if it would be best to go after Angie now and explain, or wait until she had cooled off a bit. I had looked away from her before she left, so I didn't see her face, and now I wish I hadn't so I'd know what to do.

"Wait a couple of minutes, then go find her," Ashton advised. I nodded absentmindedly, and continued to eat my pasta.

-

I walked upstairs, looking in every room I passed for Angie. I looked in a bathroom with an open door and was hit with a bad smell. I checked the toilet. Nothing there, but that was definitely where the smell was coming from. Oh, my poor girl.

I checked our room next. She wasn't there either. Where else could she be? She had to be in a place no one would go, so...

I got it. I walked to the other side of the large house, to where the family's rooms are. I found the one that was painted black with silver and blue splotches and opened the door.

Angie lifted her head from her knees, knees that were red and beginning to bruise lightly. She was crying, and when she saw it was me she crawled over to me.

"Please Marisa, whatever I did I'll never do again, just tell me what it is! Anything I'm doing wrong, just love me again, please! I'll change anything, anything for you, you know that! Just love me please!" I interrupted her by scooping her up in my arms and sitting down with her. She was so tiny that with her curled up like she was, I could bend my legs and cradle her, boxing her in.

"Hey baby. Remember what I said to you? That first day I told you I loved you?" She sniffed and laughed in a self-deprecating way.

"Oh you mean the day I freaked out and told you you couldn't love me?" I squeezed her gently, nudging her ear with my nose. I continued to speak gently, softly, making her feel like it was just us.

"No, I mean the day I told you I love you. Remember what I said?"

"Yeah. You said you would never leave me."

"That's right. I'll never leave you. And I won't. Not now, not ever. Nothing you could ever do would scare me away, got it? You're endgame for me." She sniffed again, tears still streaking down her cheeks.

"How can you say that? Don't promise something you don't know you can deliver. You won't know that you can stay with me until it actually happens. What happens when I do something really bad, and you do leave? Please don't get my hopes up for nothing."

"No. Do you hear me? I love you. I love you. I love you, okay?" She nodded, my nose in her hair. "Endgame, remember?"

"Yeah. You're my endgame." She gave me a watery smile, and I remembered I had never actually told her about Luke texting me.

"And that guy who gave me his number? The others had to hold me back from punching him. He called us fags." She giggled.

"Aren't we though? We're cool fags. But then who were you texting?"

"I blackmailed Luke into it. I knew he helped you with your little disappearing act." She giggled again.

"How awkward was he at flirting?"

"So bad. Like, so bad. He's really gonna need our help if he's gonna snag Ashton."

"I don't know, have you seen him when he looks at Luke? Total heart eyes, I swear."

We sat for a few more minutes, just cuddling, before I remembered everyone else. "So I think the guys wanted to play some games tonight. Are you up for it?" She nodded and I got up.

"Hey Marisa?" I turned around to see Angie looking at me. She walked up to me and stood on my feet, standing on her tiptoes and pressing a tiny kiss to my nose. "I love you too."

-

Luke's POV

Marisa and Angie were back, cuter than ever. They were cuddling on the couch, with Angie in between Marisa's legs.

"So I was thinking we'd maybe play a question game? Like, a weird version? So we get to know everyone we're living with?" Calum looked uncertain, but I thought it was a good idea.

"It's kind of a lame game, but I think it's smart. What if we played Never Have I Ever? It's kind of the same thing?" Michael voiced his opinion. We all agreed, and grabbed glasses and filled them to the brim with our respective drinks. Most of us chose beer, even though some of us were technically underage, and Calum chose cranberry juice. Angie got a glass of water, because she was so small she would get drunk quickly, and according to her, and Marisa if her slow, solemn nod meant anything, "a drunk Angie is a scary Angie."

"Alright, never have I ever... kissed a girl." Michael went first. Both Angie and Marisa drank, along with Calum.

"Never have I ever dated someone." Calum's turn. Again both Angie and Marisa drank, joined by Ashton. I tried not to let the thought of Ashton with another guy bother me, but it did for some reason. Angie glared at Calum.

"I feel like these are all gonna be targeted at us. Yeah, target the lesbians, haven't had that happen before. Never have I ever kissed a guy." Marisa nudged her. "Okay, never have I ever kissed a guy because I wanted to." Everyone drank but me and Angie.

"Luke, you haven't had your first kiss?" I shook my head, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. "Whoa, Luke might actually win this thing."

"Never have I ever played an instrument." Everyone drank but Marisa, who had gone.

"Angie, what do you play?" Ashton looked at the girl who had, in fact, taken a small sip of water.

"I tried to play guitar for a while. I'm really bad at it."

It was my turn, so I said "Never have I ever thrown up," not realizing what that meant for a certain member of our group.

"Oh, that's low. I'm hurt, Lukey, really hurt." Everyone had taken a sip except for Michael and I. We all turned to Ashton expectantly.

"Umm.. Never have I ever.. Wanted to change anything about my partner." Angie and Marisa both took a sip. They turned to each other.

"What does that mean?" Angie looked scared.

"I just meant I wish I could change your perception of yourself. I wish you would see what we see. You're beautiful, and not just because you're tiny. I loved you when you were 100 lbs, I still love you now that you're 92 lbs. But I love even more when my girlfriend is alive and healthy." 92 lbs? How had she not been admitted? I didn't want to pry, I had already messed up.

"What did you want to change about me?" Angie curled up by herself, obviously scared of Marisa's reaction.

"It's not really you, it's just... Sometimes I want to be the big spoon, you know? I love cuddling with you, but that sometimes means I feel really claustrophobic."

"You? You're a big spoon?" Michael snorted.

"Hey! Maybe not in size... But in spirit, I am!"

The game continued for a few more rounds, before we ran out of questions to ask. I ended up winning. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing, though. Should I be happy because I won? Or sad because that means I have no life?


	14. First Day At The Beach

I woke up the next morning unable to breathe, with curly hair in my eyes. Ashton was laying on top of me and I startled when realizing that.

"Ashton, gettoffme," I mumbled, not yet awake enough to speak normally. Ashton just shifted and hugged me harder.

"Ashton. Ashton. Ashton!" I poked him until he stirred. I opened up one of his eyelids, which was a bad move. His eyes were rolled back, and all I could see was the white of his eye. Freaky as hell, that was.

"ASHTON!" I shook him awake.

"No sweetie come back to bed." His arms tightened, then relaxed.

"Ashton, I gotta pee!" Not true, I just needed my space.

"Uh-uh. No. Stay here Lukey. Stay with meee..." He said, drifting back to sleep.

"Ashton I swear to god if you don't move I will pee all over you and this bed, then make you clean it up." I shoved him again, and he opened his eyes.

"Eeew Lukey why you gotta be so gross?" He giggled again and started singing some Taylor Swift song. No. It is too early for this cutesy shit.

"Move Ashton!" He pouted and moved off me, and I made my escape to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet, feeling a little shaky. I decided to take a shower, soaking in the hot water. I needed to think, and I always did my best thinking when in the shower.

I wondered why I was shaking inside when I sat on the toilet. Could it be because I woke up so close to Ashton? I'd never had personal space problems before, but it's not like the ten minutes I'd been awake had been eventful.

Thinking it over, I decided I was going to be honest with myself. I was shaky because when I woke up next to him, I wanted to stay there. I was trusting him, and that scared me. Could the others be right? Could I have a crush? All this time I'd just denied it. I'd never actually considered it...

Holy shit. I had a crush on Ashton.

-

"Hey guys! Good morning! How did everyone sleep?" Calum hopped down the stairs. We all muttered "Great how're you" while Angie just turned her head, looked at Calum, then turned her head back.

"Where's Mikey?" I asked.

"Still sleeping. He told me yesterday he refuses to get up before 10:30," Calum answered.

"Alright, what shall we do today?" Everyone turned their heads to Angie.

"Can go.. Beach.. Sand.. Whale.." She muttered. Everyone looked at Marisa, confused.

"She said that we can go to the beach, play in the sand. I don't know what 'whale' meant.." She translated for us.

"Why is she so out of it?" Ashton asked. After my revelation in the shower I couldn't look at him, and just the sound of his voice made me shiver.

"Marisa... Bad... Guestststs..." Angie slurred, unable to pronounce the word guests.

"I told her that she has to wake up before her guests."

"Well, Mikey's not waking up soon, how about we let Angie sleep a bit more?" Calum suggested. She slid off her chair and crawled to the stairs, patting Calum's foot as she left. Marisa left and scooped Angie up, bringing her back to bed.

"Who made breakfast? It looks great!" Calum grabbed four pancakes and a load of sausage, covering the lot with syrup.

"I did, with help from my lovely assistant," Ashton replied.

"I didn't really help, I just sat there. And I'm not lovely," I said.

"You offered moral support, and that is very important. By the way, is there any butter that anyone saw?"

"Yeah, I'll write that down for you in my little notepad, seeing as you seem to think I'm your assistant."

"Have you ever noticed how assistant starts with ass? Bringing me back to my 'lovely' comment..." I blushed and got up. I grabbed the butter that I saw when 'helping' make breakfast, threw it down in front of him, and went upstairs to our room.

I closed the door and opened the window, letting the fresh wind in. The breeze moved all the curtains, drawing my attention to a curtain in the corner neither Ashton nor I had noticed.

I crossed the room, opening the heavy velvet curtain, revealing a staircase. I went up the stairs and found a room. Both the floor and the ceiling were sloped, and there was a bed in the corner. The room was decorated with Star Wars posters and skateboarding stickers, and looked to be the attic of the house. Only a corner of the huge room was furnished and painted, making it look like a set for a movie. The rest was covered in boxes, beams, and cobwebs, making it impossible to live in.

I turned and saw Angie standing on the staircase. "Looks like you found my brother's old room. He died when I was eight." She looked small, smaller than she usually did.

"How did he die?" I asked, feeling like it was something I should ask, yet simultaneously something I should not.

"Cancer. Osteosarcoma, right leg to be exact. The doctors misdiagnosed it and performed the wrong surgery." I crossed the room and hugged her. "Its okay, I'm okay." She pulled back and sniffed, wiping her eyes. She smiled at me. "Wanna go downstairs? I think we're going to the beach." I followed her down to Ashton's and my room.

-

"No, no no no, I can't find it, where are you come on..." I searched my bag, throwing clothes everywhere. "C'mon where are you.."

"Lukey? You alright in there?" Ashton poked his head in. No, you can't be in here, you're not allowed to see me like this... I turned around, trying to hide, grabbing a random sweater and wrapping it around myself.

"Umm. Have you seen my swim shirt Ashton?" I refused to turn around. I heard the door shut softly.

"Well if I could before, I certainly can't now," Ashton joked. "Nice... Briefs?" I turn my head to see him picking up a pair of bright yellow briefs from their place laying on a lamp.

"Hey, they were clean!" I scuttle over to him and grab my underwear. "I need my swim shirt, have you seen it?"

"No, I haven't... We need to leave Lukey, can you do without?" How could he ask that? No no no... He took one look at my face and went over to his bag. "Here, you can wear my shirt." He pulled out a long-sleeved maroon shirt and threw it at me.

I turned around and dropped the sweater I was still holding up to my torso. I pulled the shirt over my head, but it stopped on something. I poked my head out and saw Ashton's hand pulling my shirt up.

"Oh Lukey. My poor, poor Lukey." He walked around to the front of me, eyes scanning my stomach and chest. I knew I had scars all over my ribs, but was I really that hideous that he felt the need to ogle me like I was an animal in a zoo?

"Why do you do this to yourself? You're so... Oh baby." He hugged me, arms wrapping around me, squeezing me like he thought I'd disappear.

I tensed. Since my realization that morning, I had been rethinking and analyzing every move I made in Ashton's direction. I slowly hugged back, feeling bad that the hug clearly meant more to me than it did to him.

-

I lay on my blue towel under the umbrella Michael insisted we bring, listening to the sounds of the ocean and other people going about their lives around me. The conversations going on between my friends were particularly interesting.

"Angie, I know you have a one piece on underneath, so could you please remove your swim trunks and shirt? I need to put sunscreen on your back."

"Mikey, you're using a cheat code? I knew you couldn't have beat me!"

"Do you see that mass across the lake, Ashy-poo? I heard it's Sweden! What, Marisa? You can't see Sweden from California? See that Ashy? I'm dating a smarty-party."

The sound of a slap drew my attention, as well as everyone else's. We looked behind us and saw Calum holding his hand to his cheek, a tall brunette standing in front of him. "Bi-what? Asexual who? That's not even a real sexuality, so stop lying to yourself!" She stomped off, leaving Calum to walk back to his towel with tears in his eyes.

"Why don't people get it?" He whispered. Michael wrapped an arm around Calum's shoulders and hugged him. Michael turned and glared at the direction the girl went. As no one in our group was straight, we all were sending glares towards the girl.

Everyone was silent for a moment, until Angie tried to break the blanket of sadness that had covered us. "Ashy, let's go swimming!" Ashton, also feeling the tension, got up and walked over to me.

"You wanna join us Lukey?" He held his left hand out. He wasn't wearing any bracelets, so in the sun I could see his scars. Tearing my eyes away, I looked at his hand and noticed something. On his ring finger there was a small tan line, almost like a pale ring. Shaking the thought from my mind, I grabbed his hand and let him pull me up.

The three of us ran into the water. Ashton turned to me and said "watch out Lukey, I heard there's a hole right about-" and he disappeared under the water. A couple of seconds later when he didn't resurface, I started to panic. I thought I knew that trick! Something poked at my sides.

"Boo!" Ashton had snuck up behind me, and I squealed when he grabbed me. "Oh, is somebody ticklish?"

"Absolutely not. You just startled me." I tried to keep a straight face. He tried to poke my sides again, and I swerved my body away from his finger.

"Oh man, somebody is definitely ticklish." At that moment Angie crashed into us.

"Guys guys guys, can we go body surfing?" Ashton looked at me with a look that said this isn't over.

-

"So wait, you all met at therapy?" Calum asked. We had just finished dinner, and were sitting in the living room with some movie on for background noise.

"Yeah, sort of," I answered. "I met Angie at therapy first, then I met Ashton at school for the first time. Then he ended up going to therapy and he and Angie met. We met Marisa because she always picks Angie up from therapy, so we met her there too."

"Angie and I also met at therapy," Marisa chimed in.

"So you used to go to therapy but don't?"

"Yeah, after quite a bit of therapy and meeting the girl of your dreams," Angie punched her arm, then kissed her shoulder, "alcoholism is not the worst thing you could recover from."

"Makes sense." Calum fell silent, eyes drifting around, settling on Angie once or twice before moving on.

"Ask me. I know you want to, go ahead." Angie smiled at him.

"Cal is too polite. I'll ask. Hey, Angie, why you in the group?" Michael asked for him.

"Ooh Mikey, not knowing me three weeks and already asking the big questions. All right, I'm pretty open about it, I'll bite. I'm anorexic. Used to be bulimic, but this cutie here is helping me a lot through that." She bumped Marisa's shoulder with her own.

"Why are you anorexic?"

"Whoa buddy, back up there." Marisa suddenly spoke up, protective.

"Calm down babe, no need to go all 'I am girlfriend, hear me roar' on the poor boys ass." Angie was quick to sooth her girlfriend. "But Calum, I think that's more a story for another time. Let's just go to bed, shall we?"


	15. Beach Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter may start out a little slow, but gets so much better! It's also freakishly long(like my dick shhhh)(but really though over 4,000 words!!!) and every lashton lover out there might like me for the ending of this! Hint hint wink wink!!!

As we lay in bed, I was acutely aware of Ashton's body next to mine. Suddenly I heard him flip over to face my back.

"When we woke up this morning I was on top of you, right?" I turned over to face him. I nodded. "Were you uncomfortable? Cause I can sleep somewhere else, I'm a cuddler and it's just normal for me."

"No Ashton, it's totally okay. It wasn't a problem at all." He looked at me, still nervous.

"Are you sure? Because I'm sure Angie wouldn't mind if I slept on the couch or something-"

"Ashton," I cut him off. "It's okay. Cuddling is okay." He nodded, then flipped back over. A few minutes later I heard him whisper again.

"Lukey? If it's not much trouble, could you, uh, would you mind-" I wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him to me. "Thanks Lukey. I just sleep better this way."

No more words were spoken, and we drifted off to sleep, Ashton in my arms.

-

I woke up slowly the next morning, and saw a flicker of hazel when I opened my eyes. I blinked a few times, and realized that I was looking right into Ashton's face. Somehow during the night we had remained cuddling, Ashton turning around so we both were face to face, my arms around his waist and his hands on my chest.

Ashton's breathing was light and fast, and he was blushing lightly, so I figured the flash of hazel I had seen was his eyes and he was pretending to sleep.

"Ashton... Ashton... I know you're awake..." His blush reached the tips of his ears, but surprisingly he kept a straight face.

"Alright Ash, I guess you're not awake, I'm sure you won't mind if I eat one of your M&M cookies."

Ashton rolled us over, laying his head on my chest, eyes still closed. He smiled. "You called me Ash."

I actually hadn't noticed that. "Do you mind?"

He shook his head and finally opened his eyes. I propped my head up more, staring at him just as he stared at me, an early morning haze still blanketing my mind, making me calm as I looked into his eyes..

He seemed to realize what we were doing at the same time I did, and he looked over at the expensive digital clock next to the bed. "Jeez, it's only 8:15. Why are we awake so early?"

"I don't know, but I vote we go back to bed." He nodded and giggled as I rolled us both onto our sides.

-

"Quick Marisa! Take it!" I drifted awake to the sound of a camera shutter going off.

"Alright, got it! Get out, fast!" Giggling, the couple left our room, closing the door quietly.

I opened my eyes for the second time today just in time to see Ashton do the same. "They just took a picture of us cuddling, didn't they," Ashton said, more as a statement than a question.

"Yes Ash, I do believe they did." He groaned and rolled out of bed.

"Great." I tried to stop the pang of hurt going through me at the tone in his voice, but I couldn't help it. I followed him out of bed and grabbed my clothes. I turned around and choked on my spit.

Oh sweet Jesus. Ashton had taken his shirt off to change, and his perfect chest killed me. He turned and bent over to grab a shirt from his bag, shoving that perfect ass in my direction.

I turned around before anything became too much of a problem.

"Hey guys, get on your swimsuits! We're going to the beach again!" Michaels voice came through the wood door.

I turned to Ashton, who threw me the same long sleeved shirt. "Thanks Ash."

"Of course, Lukey."

-

"Luke, don't you want to come in?" Calum yelled from farther in the water.

"I am in, I just don't want to be too cold," I yelled back, arms wrapped around myself.

"Lukey, you're only in to your ankles." Ashton waded out of the ocean towards me.

"You wouldn't be so cold if you took off your shirt!" I shook my head at Calum's suggestion, wrapping my arms tighter.

"No, I think I'll be okay." Ashton reached me and put his hand on my arm. I tried not to lean into the warmth.

"Lukey, you don't have to take off the shirt if you don't want to, but at least come in the water? You want to have fun, don't you?" I nodded hesitantly, and a glint of something appeared in his eye. "Good. In that case..." And with that, he picked me up and threw me, screaming, into the water.

-

I shivered as I walked over the swell of the sand. "See Calum? This is why I didn't want to go in, I told you I would be cold!"

"But you had fun though, didn't you Lukey?" I turned my head to Ashton, face blank, and turned away.

"Ah, you ignoring me now? C'mon Lukey, admit it, you had fun and you know it."

"No," was my short reply.

"Yes you did, yes you did, who's my cute little boy who had fun in the water today? You are! You are!" Calum coo-ed at me as we reached the towels, patting my cheeks as he passed.

"Oh, shut up Calum," I groaned.

"Whoa there, Lukey, don't be Paul Rudd's character from Wet Hot American Summer. What, I appreciate fine men in the cinematic world," Ashton replied to Marisa's strange look.

"Why don't you hop off my dick Ash."

"Hehe, he said dick," Calum nudged and whispered to Michael.

"Oh shut up Calum." Calum grumbled and walked away from Michael. "Luke, that might have been a little excessive-"

"No, he's right," Ashton cut him off. "I should, as he says, hop off his dick. Sorry for giving a shit." He backed away with his hands in the air, turning away and sitting on his towel. He put his earbuds in, obviously blocking out any attempts at conversation.

"Wait, who's hopping off whose dick? Who gives a shit? What did I miss?" Angie walked up then.

"Ashton threw me in the water and doesn't like me much now." There was silence, then Angie spoke again.

"I don't know if this is a good time but I was just texting my cousin, he lives in the area, and he's throwing a party at his house. We should go."

"Yeaaaaahhhh!!!! Beach Partay!!!" I winced at Calum's enthusiasm, but agreed as well.

-

The rest of the afternoon leading up to the party was, in a word, awkward. Since our fight down on the beach, Ashton seemed to have been avoiding me. Read: it was mostly me avoiding him.

I stayed up in Angie's brother's room. Something about the room seemed comforting, and Angie didn't seem to mind. She stopped by, seeming to know where I was without searching, and brought me up a grilled cheese sandwich, chips, and a soda.

"Just because I don't eat doesn't mean I won't let you." She feebly joked. "But really, you should eat. We are leaving for the party at eight, if you want I'll make sure Ashton is out of your room half an hour before."

At 7:30 I headed down the staircase to our room, pushing past the heavy, red velvet curtain and heading over to my suitcase. I'd never been to a party, never been invited. What doe sone wear?

I decided to wear the same kind of thing I wore every day, throwing on a black tank with a red flannel, black jeans, and my Vans. Deciding I didn't have enough time to quiff my hair, I shoved a snapback on my head and headed downstairs.

"Okay, everyone ready to go? Awesome, Ashy's got the car outside so let's get going!

We filed out of the door. Michael whistled at me. "Damn boy, you're looking good. If I wasn't-" Calum nudged him. "...raised with good Christian morals I would be all over you tonight!" Calum looked away from Michael for a second, then looked back at me.

"You do look good Luke. I like that flannel."

"Thanks guys, you too." We got in the car, with me sitting in the backseat with Marisa.

That was the only seat left, and coincidentally it was the seat farthest from Ashton. That didn't stop me from being able to see him in the rearview mirror, however. On the drive over to Angie's cousin's house, I stared at him in the mirror, only able to see his eyes. A couple of times he looked back and caught me, and I would look at him for a few seconds and join in the conversation flowing between everyone else.

We filed out of the car as it stopped. We weren't able to park very close, there were other cars lining the street, but we could hear the bass pumping from half a block away.

"Holy mother of pudding, is this... This is Kat Dahlia! I love her!" Angie began humming and walking down the sidewalk towards the large house where the party was held.

"She can recognize songs really quickly, can't she?" Marisa looked proud of her girlfriend as we walked behind the shorter girl.

The song changed, and Angie whipped around. "Marisa oh my god we need to hurry this is a great song!" She ran up to us and pulled us by our hands. "Come on!"

We walked faster to the door, cutting across the lawn. Looking around I didn't see any puke yet. That's a plus, Puke is gross, I thought.

We entered the house, Angie yelling to the chorus about some vegas girl breaking hearts in a little dress. She pulled us out to the back, down the main hallway and out onto the back deck. "This is where the real party is. In there it's hot and gross, out here it's less grinding party, more party party."

"Angie, my main woman! How you been girl?" A larger guy with the same nose as Angie walked up to us. From the energy in his voice, I could tell he had already hit the booze, maybe two drinks in.

"Mark hi! Haven't seen you in what, a year and a half? You've gotten so tall, and look, a scruff!" She embraced the guy, Mark, who I assumed was her cousin.

"You look so great, just as tiny as I remembered! How's uncle Peter?" Angie stiffened.

"Great! Oh, these are my friends, guys meet my cousin, and Mark, this is my girlfriend." Mark looked blank for a second.

"But you're a girl." Angie rocked back and forth, uncomfortable.

"Yes. That would be correct." She looked to Mark for his reaction. He seemed blank for a few more moments, then seemed to shrug it off. A tension I hadn't seemed to notice lifted from the entire group. A tall girl with long dark hair and piercing, cat like eyes walked up then, placing her hand on Mark's arm.

"Ah, this is my beautiful girlfriend, Lauren. Lauren, babe, this is my cousin Angie and her friends." Mark introduced us.

"Oh my gosh hi! I've heard so much about you, it's great to finally be meeting the awe-inspiring mastermind behind the Great Steak Chase." She leaned forward and hugged Angie.

"He really did tell you about me, huh? The Great Steak Chase? That's the story you decided to tell her?" The last question she directed at Mark, who shrugged.

"I must say, you are so much prettier in person! I mean, I would die for those legs." Angie muttered something under her breath, something like 'please don't'.

"Hey, where are the drinks around this joint?" Calum piped up.

"Oh, yeah, here I'll show you around!" Lauren walked with us to a table with punch bowls, chips, and other food. "I would grab something from the coolers, someone always spikes the punch with too much vodka at these things." Perfect, right up my alley. I needed a break. Ever since I stepped into the house and properly saw Ashton for the first time tonight, I had been on edge.

I grabbed a large glass of the punch, and the rest of the night was a blur.

-

I woke up the next morning with a killer headache, a weight on my chest, and no pants on. I opened my eyes carefully, squinting even though the blinds were pulled and the room was dark. I was back in our house, and the weight on my chest was Ashton's head. I shifted and he muttered, rolling over off me, cuddling with the pillow instead of me. I got up, put on the sweatpants that someone had nicely lain at the end of the bed, and walked down the stairs.

I squinted in the light, which wasn't too bright due to more curtains being drawn, but still bright enough to shoot a stabbing pain through my skull. I raised my hand up to covered my eyes, and for the first time noticed the gauze bandages wrapped around my wrists.

"What the hell happened last night?" I asked as I padded into the kitchen, voice croaky.

"A lot of things, Luke. We'll have to talk about that, but first lets give you some breakfast." Angie got up from the table and made me a plate of eggs, bacon, and buttered toast. "Greasy food is hangover food, they say."

"Do we have a fucking aspirin in this joint? My head feels like shit right now." I saw the others exchange a few looks. Everyone seemed to be awake except Ashton, who I left sleeping upstairs.

"I don't think that's such a good idea, Luke." Marisa spoke up.

"Fine, I'm too tired and hungover to argue with you right now.

-

Several hours later, and everyone was sitting in the living room. Headache almost gone, we decided that now was as good a time as any to talk about whatever Angie had mentioned earlier. Ashton had woken up a few hours ago, but for some reason refused to meet my eyes.

"So, in light of recent events-" Angie began, but I cut her off.

"What recent events? Can we explain what happened last night before we talk about it? Because I have no idea what's going on." Angie looked at Marisa, who nodded.

Angie's POV

"Okay, so because I was the designated driver I'll tell you what happened." I started to speak but I was interrupted. Part of me was glad, because this was not a happy story, but another part wanted to get it over with.

"Wait, tell me again why she was our designated driver? What makes her able to handle us all drunk off our asses?"

"Do you want me to arm wrestle you again, and win again? I'm stronger than I look, and you weren't all drunk off your asses."

"Okay, just get back to it, Ang." I shot Marisa a thankful look, and she squeezed my hand in reply.

"So basically, Luke, you and Ashton still weren't on good terms, so you two separated. I was meeting Lauren's girlfriend Camila - did you know my cousin was her cover by the way? Cuties. Anyway, in that time you had had a few drinks, and apparently a buzzed Luke is an angry Luke. So I guess you saw Ashton shoved up against the wall with some other guy kissing his throat you shoved the other guy and pulled Ashton away."

I drifted off as I remembered Luke pulling Ashton to sit at our game of truth or dare. I remembered some guy daring Luke to kiss Ashton, and Luke refusing while Ashton dared him with his eyes. I remembered Ashton crawling over to Luke, silencing his protests with his mouth. I remembered the angry make-out session that occurred, and remembered deciding angry, jealous kissing was hot.

"Then?" Luke prompted.

"Then... Well long story short you and Ashton kissed and basically proclaimed your undying love for each other. Yay, the lashton ship has sailed, and then you-" I tried to power through it quickly, but Luke interrupted me before I could pass it by.

"What? We did what?" Ashton's head snapped up, and the look he gave Luke was one resembling a kicked puppy.

"Well, you were dared to kiss and you did, and it got pretty heated..." Luke's face seemed to crumple slightly, though he hid it well.

"So it was a dare, then. Makes sense..." He muttered, getting up and storming out.

"Wait, he can't do that! We still need to talk! There was more to that night and you know it Angie, we can't just let him leave!"

"Calm your tits, Michael, I'll go talk to him."

I walked up to Luke and Ashton's room, opening the door and immediately proceeding to the curtain leading up to Ben's old room.

"Lukey? You okay up here?" As I rounded the final corner I saw him sitting in the corner by the bed, scratching his wrists, a distraught look on his face. I rushed over to him, talking to him like I would a skittish horse.

"Why did it have to be this way? Why did we have to kiss, Angie?" He looked at me, tears brimming in his blue eyes.

"Luke, do you like him? Do you like Ashton?" I asked a second time when I saw his eyes shift around wildly.

"I- Yeah- I mean- Sure- Um" He stumbled over his words. I shushed him quietly.

"Hey Luke, it's okay. Do you like him, bug?" His face crumpled, and I could hear his walls come crumbling down.

"Yes, oh god yes. I didn't know it until the other day, god what if I have this whole time? What if he noticed? Do you think he noticed Angie? Oh my god..." A few tears dripped out of his eyes. A few more streaked down his cheeks after that. I wiped them al with my thumbs.

"Hey bug, it's okay, maybe you can both be happy now?" He let out a self-deprecating snort.

"How could we both be happy? The only way I'd be happy is if I got over him, but I can't imagine that happening soon. Have you met him?"

"Why don't you believe he could like you back?"

"Why would he? He's way too perfect for someone like me. He's smart, funny, perfect, and I'm just ugly and useless. And god, have you even looked at him? He's way out of my league. Like, so far out of my league that I'm in the little league t-ball as the catcher because everyone knows that in little league that's where you put that kid, and he's in the major league, and he's the best player to ever grace the game. That's how incredibly out of my league he is, Angie."

"What the hell are you talking about? Yeah I've seen him, but I've also seen you. You are incredible! You are so sweet, and funny, and you are an attractive guy. If I were a guy, no offense to Irwie but I'd rather look like you. And don't you ever again think you're worthless. Did you know that before I met you I was averaging a little less than 2,000 calories a week, even with Marisa? Now that I have you guys... After I met you... Luke, I gained a pound in the month we have known each other. This past week alone I've eaten 3,027 calories total. Do you understand what that means for someone like me? You are not worthless."

He looked at me, his eyes still bleak. "Just because you say it, doesn't make it easier for me to believe."

"Don't lose hope, bug. Ashton hasn't." I gathered him in a hug.

"You really think he likes me?" The words were whispered, I had to strain to hear.

"I don't think so, I know so. And Angie's never wrong."

"I can't let myself be hurt again."

I know, bug. I know."

-

We settled down in the living room again, this time hopefully for good. Ashton had new tear tracks on his face, and his hair looked like someone had run their fingers through it to calm him down. I saw Luke throw a shy glance at Ashton out of the corner of my eye, and I saw a spark of hope grow in Ashton's eyes.

"So, where did I leave off? Unfortunately, we still do have to talk about some things."

"The kissy kissy part!" Calum shouted. Ashton winced, looked at Luke, but the spark of hope grew when he saw Luke blushing and looking down.

"Right, the kissy part. So after that, as I mentioned, it got a little heated, and Luke, you started to freak out. Like, a lot. You started to push Ashton away," I saw Luke pale in terror, but throw Ashton an apologetic glance. "And you actually started moving backwards and hit your head on a desk. You weren't knocked out, but it did stun you enough so we could get you in the car. It also seemed to snap you out of it."

I remembered how when we got home, he ran upstairs. I remembered waiting a few minutes, before realizing he could be a danger to himself. I remembered the fear running through me as I, with everyone else behind me,ran up the stairs to his room. I remember making everyone wait outside as I ran up the stairs to Ben's room. I remember seeing Luke huddled in the corner of the shitty bathroom, a blade broken from an incredibly old razor left in the cabinet in the room. I remember the bottle of painkillers open and ready in his hand.

"Angie? Then what?" Luke's voice broke me out of my reverie, breaking off the memory of my screams for help, the memory of dragging his body out of the bathroom and down he short flight of stairs. The memory of scrubbing the bloodstains out of the bathroom floor until the early morning.

"Then you..." I gestured to his wrists, unable to finish. "You had the painkillers in your hand, and the alcohol thinned your blood so you bled a lot more than normal. But you're here. You're here." Luke seemed to shrink in on himself, trying to hide in the end of the sofa. He looked terrified of how we were all going to react.

I looked at Ashton, told him with my eyes to do something, but he was already moving. Moving to wrap his body around the outside of Luke's and resting his head on his shoulder. Tentatively, Luke turned his head and kissed his cheek, blush rising from both of their faces.

Luke's POV

I felt the heat rush into my face. A nice heat, just like the incredibly nice warmth that came from the body wrapped around mine from behind. Just like the incredibly nice tingle on my lips, for even though we had kissed at the party, this was our first real kiss, cheek kiss it may be. In all my dreams, I had never imagined a warmth, a body, a single person making me feel this happy and warm.

"So," Michael began, "As I was saying, in light of recent events, I think we need to tell each other everything." And just like that, the heat, the warmth, shattered.

I stiffened, pulling away from Ashton a little bit. He pulled me towards him again, squeezing me tighter. Even though he had just pulled me back, showing me that he wanted me, that he would be there, I couldn't help feeling like he wouldn't be there if I told him.

"Everyone will tell everything, from their problems to what drove them to do that. Everyone will do it, Lukey, you won't be alone." Ashton whispered in my ear, lips brushing the shell, bringing back some of the warmth.

Could I tell everyone? How could I? How could I not? If everyone was being honest, what kind of person would I be if I wasn't? Would it be better to be honest? If I told everyone, I might lose them, but I'd conditioned myself to not need people, I should be fine, right?

It was then that I realized I needed these people, more than I had needed anyone else before. But even though I needed them, I knew it would eat me away if I didn't. I steeled myself for whatever was to come, and said "Okay. Let's do it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Squeee! Oh yeah, by the way, there was a pretty big line in there, that was a quote from a book by Quinn Loftus. I just thought that was an important thing to say.  
> Love you you gorgeous human beings!!


	16. Angie

"So I guess I'll start. I already told you I'm anorexic, used to be bulimic. But I'm working on that. As for my story... Basically I had this girlfriend. we had been friends for a while, and then we started dating. I didn't really like her that much, but you know, when they cheat on you, it sucks. Like, it really sucked. And, well, she cheated on me with my other friend, who actually happened to be Marisa's girlfriend. Who is also probably the smallest person I know."

Flashback

"What do you mean, you've found someone else?" Karrie sighed and looked at me.

"I'm sorry to do this Angie. We were such good friends, but I think we were better as friends, instead of girlfriends." No no nono, this couldn't be happening. She couldn't be saying this. I loved her, and she loved me. How could she say she had found someone else? Why was she leaving me? What did I do wrong?

"Who." My voice came out as a whisper. Karrie looked at me weirdly.

"Who..."

"Who is she." Karrie suddenly looked uncomfortable. Our other friend, Callie, walked from around the corner.

"I'm sorry Angie. We never meant to hurt you, and I know this must hurt, I understand if you never want to see other of us again. I understand if you hate us with everything in you, but do you think you could ever find it in your heart to forgive us?" I looked Callie up and down, mentally assessing what she had that I didn't. Why did Karrie like her more than me?

Then it hit me. I was always taller than Karrie. Looking at Callie, I could see that Callie was so much smaller than Karrie.

Was I not small enough for her?

I knew I was bigger than Callie, but 117 lbs. wasn't that big, was it? I didn't think I was that heavy. Whenever we cuddled, was Karrie always cringing at the feeling of my arms around her body, wanting to be the big spoon herself? When we slow danced at Homecoming, did she hate putting her arms around my neck? Did she hate that I could always kiss the top of her head, or that I always could hug her from behind?

"Angie? Could you say something? Are you alright with us?" I looked back at the two girls in front of me, hand in hand.

"Yeah, I'm ok."

End flashback

"Not only was she so much smaller than me, but everyone in my family makes a lot of jokes about my diet, after the Callie incident when I started to pay attention more, I realized that all three people in my immediate family made weight jokes to me. Then there was the whole sister thing. My sister was always a little cocky, but she was also always better than me at everything. So when we were playing superheroes and she became Grace the Great and I became her sidekick Angie the.... Normal One I didn't think much of it. But when all that hits you, and you finally think of one way you can improve, when you finally find out what you could do to be special, when you find out that maybe being the tiny one isn't so bad, then you start to think it's your only shot."

I looked around, seeing some stunned faces.

"I know I joke a lot, and I seem like I'm pretty carefree, like nothing bothers me, but it does. It always does. So that's how I became anorexic. That's why I started throwing up everything I eat. That's the reason I know how many calories are in most foods, how long i need to walk to burn off every meal, and how to suppress my appetite. That's why I am this way."


	17. Marisa

"So, I don't really have a huge story for why I am this way, why I drank a lot. It's not big. To make a long but boring story short, I had a lot of pressure coming at me. I had pressure from my family, my friends, my teachers. I was on the varsity water polo team, so you can be sure there was a lot of pressure there as well. I had some pressure from my girlfriend, but a lot of the pressure came from me.

I never wanted to disappoint them, so I tried my hardest. I pushed myself to the physical limits every day during water polo, I studied until my brain melted. When my parents told me I could do better, I studied more. My friends always expected me to be the fun one, so I had to push my mind to e happy and energetic, even when studying until 4 am the night before left me exhausted. 

My girlfriend... She was a good person, but she was always very clingy. She would always need to be right there with me, and whenever I did something wrong or went somewhere whiteout her, she would make a huge deal about it. She would break up with me for the smallest of reasons, and then want me back a few days later. I always took her back, I thought I loved her. 

But so much pressure came from me. I wanted to do all of these things, not let down any of these people who were so important in my life. I was always taught that if you show your feelings, your problems, your troubles, then people know you're breaking. They know how much you can take. I wanted them to be proud of me, I wanted them to think I was strong. I never wanted anyone to worry, to know how far I was stretching myself. 

Because I was stretching myself. I never had a focal point, I had a flat sheet of focal points that I had to focus on all at once. I never even had a release, I had no time, I was too tired. So one night I skipped the last two hours of water polo and went down to a bar. My cousin worked there, he gave me drinks. I drank until they cut me off, and I felt... relaxed. Never had I felt as relaxed as I did then. 

A few months passed, and my parents noticed my grades dropping. Still all A's, but dropping. My coaches called, wondered why I was leaving early every day. Because I was going to the bar every night. I couldn't stop. The alcohol called to me, it was truly an addiction. 

Then I went to this shitty therapy, and didn't get much better. But then, I met someone. Someone beautiful, inside and out. I had finally found my focal point, something I could focus on. I found someone I could protect and watch over, someone who protected me back. She made me quit water polo, helped me study in a healthy way, helped me come out to my parents in a way that made them respect me. So really, Angie, babe, you saved my life."

I wrapped my arm around the girl who sat beside me. She nuzzled into my side, and I kissed the top of her head. "I love you, even when I tell you I hate you because you keep me from drinking."

She whispered to me "I love you especially then, because you let me."


	18. Michael/Calum

Michael's POV

"I don't have many problems, if any. I guess I'm just not a confident person? I don't know, I'm shy when I meet someone new, because I feel like if they met the real me first they would be scared off, you know? I make sarcastic remarks, I make fun of people, and apparently people don't like that. So really, nothing is wrong with me besides the fact that I have no self confidence and for some reason I seem to have fallen for my best friend who I've been fucking around with for the last few months and I don't even know why I'm saying all of this..."

I heard a quick intake of breath. I refused to look at Calum, instead fiddling with my fingers and looking at the ground, away from him. 

"Is it true?" Came the quiet whisper. I closed my eyes and nodded. 

"We'll talk about that later."

Calum's POV

I could feel everyone looking at me. "Umm, so..." I felt incredibly nervous. I knew that whatever I had to say wasn't as important as what the others did, so why was I even talking? They were the ones who needed to be helped, not me. 

"So... Basically for a while there I just didn't like myself. Everyone goes through that, you know? But there was a period of a few months where I was just really depressed. I didn't like myself at all, I thought that nobody liked me, you know, that sort of thing. And figuring out you're asexual, when you thought you were bi? That throws some really weird questions out there, like 'is there something wrong with me?' or 'am I broken in some way?' My parents knew I was bisexual, and they accepted it, but would they accept me if I told them I didn't have a sex drive? How do you even tell your parents something like that?" I felt myself getting more and more frantic.

I took a deep breath and calmed myself down. "Anyways, I got over it, and I'm feeling better. I was diagnosed with seasonal depression, and I got medication for it. So it's all good in this Hood..." (I'm sorry...)

"But you never self harmed, right?" A quiet voice came from the corner of the room. I couldn't tell if it had come from Luke or Ashton, their heads were too close for me to tell. I felt a pain in my chest just looking at them. I wanted that. I wanted that with Michael...

"Calum?" Michael's shaky voice begged me to answer the question, begged me to say no even though he knew deep down I couldn't.

"I cut once or twice, and that was the worst mistake I ever made. It didn't help at all, and it hurt too much. So I wrapped a rubber band around my thigh and hid it under my shorts. I snapped it through the shorts all the time. A few times, I would write with this quill, and dig it into the skin on my hand, scratching. I scratched with my nails a few times too. So yes, I have self harmed. Was it as bad as anything you two have gone through? No, it was truly only a few times, but I still regret it."

I felt arms wrap around my shoulders, saw colorful hair out of the corner of my eye. Soft lips brushed my ear as my best friend turned love hugged me, and whispered things in my ear. Assurances that they all still loved me, that no one thought any different of me. I thought I heard an 'I love you', but I couldn't be sure. I didn't let myself hope.


	19. Ashton

"I told you I self harmed, I never told you why." I fidgeted with my left hand, as if I was still playing with my ring. "When I was a sophomore in high school, I met this one guy named Cameron. Two weeks after we met he told me he was gay. We got together, and during winter break senior year he proposed to me, right as the clock hit midnight on New Years. Romantic, I know." I let out a short laugh, cuddling more into Luke. He had stiffened when I first mentioned Cameron, but I nudged him with my chin until he relaxed. 

"So I said yes, of course. I had loved the guy since sophomore year, and I was a little too dumb to know better. You see, he never was a great boyfriend. Not like the abusive assholes you see in movies or hear about, but he wasn't always the nicest guy on the block either. He would pressure me into things -not sexual stuff, thank god- but things like doing drugs. I had started cutting six months in to our relationship, but I was too blind to see it was because of him. So when I found him cheating on me, with a girl no less..." I took a deep breath.

Flashback

"Cameron!" I dropped the bag of groceries, one hand still on the light switch.

"Ashton, what are you doing here? You weren't supposed to be home until..."

I laughed humorlessly. "How can you even say that? And on the couch too? You fucked someone on our couch?"

A dark head peered from under Cameron. "I think I should go..." A high pitched voice rang out. I watched in shock as a tall dark girl extracted herself from under him and put on her clothes. As the door shut I rounded on him. 

"A girl, Cam? You told me you were gay? Not just a girl, the Maid of Honor? What other things have you been lying about, huh? What-" A sharp smack cut me off. 

"Shut up, Doll. It's not like you were putting out, so I took what was available." I winced. He knew I wanted to wait until we were married.

I felt a scary calm wash over me. "Well I guess I'll just go, then. Wedding's off, goodbye Cameron."

End Flashback

"Well, I just lost it. I went home that night, and when I woke up the next morning I was in the hospital. I had tried to end it, and they put me in a psychiatric hospital. That's why I was held back a year. They didn't let us learn there, something about stress, and when I got out three weeks later, my mom decided we should just move and get out. 

So we went to a different school and I almost finished my new school year there, when some kid found out who I was. Turns out his cousin was Cameron's new fuck buddy, and pretty soon it got spread around the school. Half of the kids knew me as the kid who tried to off himself over his fiancé cheating, and the other half stayed away from me. So we moved to this high school, and I met you guys."

I nuzzled into Lukey, thankful that he nuzzled back, one hand squeezing my wrist lightly. I knew he was different, and this time around I knew it would be better.


	20. Luke

"My dad and I always had a really good relationship. He was my best friend, and he always told me he'd be there for me. When I came out as gay to my dad, he didn't take it so well. He didn't yell, but he definitely wasn't polite. He told me, very calmly, that I was making a huge mistake and I was going to burn in hell. Then he left my room, and I haven't seen him since. 

The rest of my family didn't know why he left, and I was too afraid to tell them. I developed some separation anxiety from him leaving, and I cut to get everything out. 

My best friend was named Bradley. He was a really big part of my life, and even though he didn't know what I was doing he really helped, he was like a mental support. But then something happened, and he left.

Flashback

The chill of the air outside bit through my jacket as I walked back from the store. It turned out I didn't have enough money for the ice cream I wanted, so I left without getting anything. I was walking past an alley between two stores when a hand reached out and grabbed me, pulling me in.

I was shoved against a wall, the brick scraping against my cheek. Tobacco scented breath fanned across my nose, making me wrinkle it in distaste. 

"What's a pretty boy like you doing walking out here all alone? Huh?" When I didn't answer he threw me across the alley. "Answer me!" I hit a metal door with a clang, and fell to my knees.

"Oh, look at the pretty boy on his knees, so good for me, just begging for my cock yeah? Well, better give the pretty boy what he wants then." His lips met mine in a bruising kiss, fingers biting into my chin when I tried to move away. His lips moved away, and before I could calm myself the sound of a zipper met my ears.

I whimpered, and the man groaned. "So needy for my cock, just look at you pretty boy, look so good like that yeah," his voice ground out as a rustling alerted me, just as his pants dropped.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?" The silhouette of a large man filled the entrance to the alley. I sagged back, relief filling me, replacing the terror. Through my haze I heard a couple of punched, a thud, and heard some guy asking me if I was okay before I passed out.

-

"Mr. Hemmings, we received a call from a... Duke Suarez, who states that he witnessed this man, Bernard Smith, molesting you. He reportedly heard a bang from his back room, and hit the attacker. Can you confirm this account?" The police woman's voice was professional, lacking any warmth.

"Yes," I muttered numbly.

"Does he have to talk about this? Right now?" Bradley's voice sounded accusing, and he wrapped an arm around me.

"No, as long as I can get Mr. Hemming's signature on this statement confirming that this is what happened, I think we have all the information we need." She pushed the paper over to me, and her eyes softened a little. "I understand this must be very hard for you, so lets just get it done." I signed the paper and she left, leaving me in my house with Bradley.

"Just rest, Luke. It'll be okay." I shifted until I was laying down on the couch and fell asleep.

-

I drifted awake to the sound of Bradley talking on the phone. "...No Sara, I can't come over right now I'm sorry, Luke needs me and I can't leave him." A pause. "Look I'm sorry, Sara, but he's been... He was almost..." 

"Raped." I broke in. He hung up the phone and sat by my feet. "I was almost raped. Gotta get used to hearing the word, right?"

"Look man, I think you should just relax for a bit. I can't imagine how bad this must feel for you, being molested. And by a man, no less, it's not like you're gay-"

"I am." My self preservation instinct gone, it just blurted out. "I am gay." 

He looked at me sharply. "What?"

"I am gay." He got up, anger crossing over his face.

"Well then you deserved everything you got, and more. I wish that man had succeeded." 

End Flashback

"You were so strong Lukey." I felt cold lips press against my neck. Cold, but warm at the same time. What was Ashton doing? Shouldn't he be running for the hills?

"So after that, I began to believe it was my fault. It happens, you know. More than you would think. Bradley told everyone I was gay, and they started to beat me up. One day it all became too much so I downed I couple of bottles of Crown, popped a few pills, and slit my wrists. My brother found me in the bathroom. I was on suicide watch for a few days, but my mom let me come home instead of going to a hospital. We didn't have enough money, and I managed to convince her I would do better around familiar surroundings. So here I am, sitting with you folks."


	21. After

There was silence after my confession. Finally the silence was broken.

"Oh Lukey, you're so brave." Angie crawled over to me and tried to wrap her arms around me. I shrank back into Ashton a little, and she seemed to get the message.

"No touchy. My Lukey." Ashton pulled me closer and buried his head in my neck possessively, speech muffled. I smiled a little, loving how safe he made me feel. 

"So, can I ask you two a few questions?" I pointed at Michael and Calum. They both nodded, Calum looking at Michael first.

"So like, Michael, you said something about your best friend who you've been fucking around with. I know you meant Calum, but when did... All this happen?" Calum, once again, looked at Michael, who apparently found the woven texture of the rug fascinating. 

"Um, well, one day I came over to his house to play video games... Did not play video games..." He trailed off. I winced, trying not to see two of my best friends in that way. "Anyways, that was about two months before we met you, Luke."

"Two months, one week, four days." Michael piped up. He glanced up, looking at all of us, before looking back. 

"You remember?" Michael didn't raise his eyes from the floor. If he had, he would have seen Calum look at him like sunshine poured from his ass. 

"How could I not? It was one of the best things to happen to me," Michael admitted. He shrunk in on himself, like he had just uttered his deepest secret and was awaiting judgement day. Before Calum could say anything, Marisa interrupted.

"Are we just going to forget what the others have just told us?" I shuddered, remembering what that was.

"Sorry, babe, but I personally don't want to talk about it right now. I would rather get the Malum ball rolling, than talk about my problems. And from the looks of things, Luke agrees." Angie spoke up then. I hated to come off as the weak one, like she implied, but I couldn't agree more.

"Wait, okay, so here's my question." Ashton's chin dug into the joint of my neck and shoulder when he spoke, but not in an unpleasant way. "Calum, if you're asexual, why are you having sex? How did that happen?"

"I don't know-" Calum was politely cut off by Michael.

"I can actually answer this, if you don't mind..." Calum murmured an 'mhmm' to signal his support, and Michael went on. "I know this from when I was trying to figure out my sexuality. So there's this thing, called grey-asexual. It's basically asexual, but there's some grey area. So a greysexual can be sexually attracted to one or two people, or in certain circumstances. It's just a looser definition."

Calum contemplated this for a moment. "Sounds about right..."

"So what's your sexuality, Michael? Surely you didn't have to research if you were just gay," Angie asked. She muttered a quiet "Hey! I'm gay too!" when Marisa nudged her for the 'just gay' comment.

"Nope, not gay. Pansexual." Michael leaned back on his hands and leveled his gaze at Angie, daring her to comment.

"Hey, while we're asking questions about each other, lets play a game!" Ashton's idea sounded more appealing to me than just sitting here, so I nodded as best I could without hitting Ashton's head with my own.

"I vote strip poker!" Angie's voice rang out. Who knew such a childish person could have such a dirty mind?

"No, nope, nopers, not gonna happen. You remember what happened last time you played strip poker?" Marisa was quick to nip that idea in the bud.

"Ooh, this sounds good," muttered Calum to Michael, who forgot to ignore Calum and snorted.

"Oh come on, I always win!"

"Except for the last time. You were too drunk to win." Guess that's what they meant by scary drunk.

"That was one time! Seriously, lose one little game of strip poker..."

"It's always 'that was one time!' with you, Angie."

"See? That's good! It means I learn quickly! And it would do you well to not doubt my poker skills."

"I'm not doubting your insane poker skills, but you when you lost you ran outside and jumped in the pool. Still naked. Three guys tried to jump in and save you, plus my ex-girlfriend who was a lifeguard."

"Do you want to play a game, or do you want to list all my transgressions?"

"Okay, enough, how about we play Truth or Dare?" Michael interrupted Marisa and Angie's mock fight. We all nodded, and Michael started us off.

"Okay, Ashton, truth or dare?"

"Dare." A chorus of 'ooooooohh's arose from the two females.

"Alright, I dare you to take off your shirt." Calum snorted.

"Michael, that's kinda lame."

"Lame dare for a lame group! And hey, look how he and Luke are sitting. It's not that lame." It really wasn't. When Ashton took off his shirt, revealing tan skin, muscles, and a trail of hair running down into his pants, I could say with certainty that it was not a lame dare. Bravo, Michael. (really though, bravo. finally a shirtless cuddle!)

"Alright, Angie, truth or dare."

"Truth," She replied after a moment. She glared at Ashton, as if to say 'make me admit something bad and I'll pee on your luggage.'

"If you could marry one celebrity, who would it be?"

"Ummm, Hailee Steinfeld? Duh? Have you seen her?"

"Yes. Yes I have." Both Ashton and Marisa muttered, both with different meanings.

"Calum! Truth or Dare!" Calum's head shot up, looking like a deer in the headlights.

"...Dare?" Oh, bad move Calum. Why would you let Angie give you a dare?

"I dare you. And Luke. To go into the next room. Alone. For ten minutes." Her eyebrows wiggled, and Michael's head snapped to her as well.

"No. I will not let him go in there with Luke, not when you're wiggling your eyebrows like that."

"Then you go in there with him." He looked like he wanted to object, but changed his mind and got up. He stalked into the other room, with Calum following him confused.

"I bet you ten bucks that when we walk in, they're kissing."

"Deal. But I bet that when we walk in, kissing has come and gone on the agenda." Lesbians. Is that all they think of? Those two, maybe.

Calum's POV

"It's later." The second the door closed, I turned on him. His blue hair looked so fluffy, his fringe falling across his forehead. I wanted to brush his fringe away from his face, so I could see both of those beautiful pale green eyes, looking directly at me for the first time since the party.

"What?" Michael asked. Good question, I had gotten so lost in his face I forgot what I was talking about. Love, Calum. Love. Right.

"You said we'd talk about it later. It's later. So let's talk about it." He looked at his lap, eyes avoiding mine, hands clenching around the edge of the desk he was perched on. "Hey. Look at me! Stop avoiding me! We can't skate around this forever!" My volume gradually increased as I became more fed up.

"Fine! What do you want me to say? That two weeks into our little fuckbuddy relationship I realized it meant more? That our friendship had always meant more? What do you want to hear? That I'm sorry, I'll leave you alone? No, I don't know when it started, yes, I understand if you don't want to be together! I get it, alright? I've gotten it since-" I cut him off in the most cliche, yet effective way possible. With my lips.

"You," I said in between kisses, "Stupid," "Fuck, I have liked you since the eight fucking grade you jackass." His eyes grew wide, and he pulled me down into another kiss. This time there were sparks, unlike the times we kissed during meaningless sex. Well, not meaningless to me, nor him apparently. He was just about to drag me into his lap when the door burst open.

"Ha! I knew it! Marisa, you owe me 10 dollars!"

"No way, that was not just kissing, there was definitely some hand action."

"No, I'd say a possibility of hand action." Ashton butted in.

"Oh Ashy, I knew I liked you for a reason."

"Michael, Calum, I would like it to be noted that I did not take part in this." Luke raised his hand from the back. Not that he had to, we could basically see him over everyone else. Fucking breadstick.

"Shut up, Lukey, you know you were betting too. You just don't want them to know you lost." Ashton turned on Luke.

"Wait, what did Luke lose?" All eyes turned to the couple, and Angie who had asked the question.

"Why yes, Ashton, what did he lose?" Ashton placed his hand on Luke's chest.

"That's for me to know, and you to find out. Until next time, bitches!" And with that he winked, pushing Luke out of the door and down the hall.

We all sat there shocked. "Now you see Calum, that was a sex reference. Sex." Calum's face changed from confused, to understanding, to indignant. 

"I knew that."

"Hey guys I'm back," Luke appeared breathless in the doorway, lips bruised and swollen.

"Wow, that was quick. He doesn't have the best stamina, does he?" Michael placed a hand on Lukes shoulder, nodding sympathetically. 

"I heard that, you blue-haired dumbass!"


	22. The Mall Chapter

That night, Ashton and I lay in bed, my arms around his waist.

"Lukey? Are you awake?" I heard a whisper.

"Yeah."

"Umm, what are we?" I felt his shoulders cave in slightly.

"Boys? Gay men? Queer humans? Homo homo sapiens-" He cut me off.

"No, dummy. I meant, what are we? What's going on here? Like, between us?" That was a hard question for me. What if he didn't really like me? He did cuddle with me, and apparently he wasn't drunk last night when we kissed.

"What do you want?" Congrats Luke, you successfully dodged that bullet. You just might make it out alive!

"I don't know... What do you want?" Shit. Might as well...

"Well... Okay, I like you. How do you feel about me?" I felt so nervous, just blurting that out. Instead of answering immediately, he turned around and snuggled further into me. I felt him mutter something against my chest, but it was too muffled to make out. "What was that, Ash?"

"I like you too." My heart exploded in my chest. I suddenly had so much energy, I felt as if I could spring up and run for miles. My arms spasmed tighter, and I felt Ashton's mouth move into a smile.

"So... Are we dating now?" I asked hesitantly, less hesitantly now that I knew he shared my feelings.

"I'd like that."

Several minutes later, my mind was still awake. Ashton's breathing had gradually deepened as he drifted off, but I couldn't make myself sleep. I couldn't believe that the boy in my arms, the perfect boy who felt almost unbearably cuddly, was mine. With those thoughts in my mind, I drifted off into sleep.

-

"Oh my god, Mikey, another one?" It was three days since the night Ash and I had talked, and we had been cuddling every night.

"I know! This is so cute, I just can't even!" Every day since they had kissed, Michael had come down for breakfast to find notes in his regular spot at the table.

Plumbers are red, hedgehogs are blue. Press the start button, and forever be my player two! - C

I think something is wrong with my auto aim, I can't take my eyes off you! - C

You might need to catch them all, but all I need to catch is you ;) - C

"He really knows how to worm his way into your heart, huh?"

"He doesn't need to do any worming... He's already there." Calum had conveniently stayed away every time, coming downstairs much later than everyone else. Speaking of Calum...

"Hey everybody! Is today another beach day?" He bounded down the stairs, with more energy than one should have at 9:50 in the morning.

"No, please no, I don't think I can take another beach day," Angie whined, slumping against Marisa. Calum nodded and continued into the kitchen, looking through the cupboards for cereal, a bowl, then the refrigerator for milk. He seemed to miss the loving stare sent his way by a certain blue-haired individual, or if he saw, he didn't comment.

"Okay, we need to go food shopping anyways..." He said when his search for milk ended. "Maybe we can just go sightseeing? Be tourists today?" Angie perked up.

"Ooh, ooh, does this mean I get to play tour guide? I love playing tour guide, I'm really good at it! I have a hat and everything!"

Michael smirked. "Kinky. But keep the role-play to the bedroom, girls."

Angie scoffs. "Role-playing a tour guide. Pffft. As if. God, what a turn off. Fire-fighter all the way, am I right Marisa?" She nudges the smirking girl next to her.

"Right!" Marisa affirms enthusiastically, following it up with a steamy kiss. When Marisa released her face, Angie stumbled back, dazed.

"Keep forgetting how good that is..." She mumbled, touching her lips.

"So... Touristy things?" I prodded. She straightened up.

"Right! So there's the famous Chinese Theatre, the Hollywood Walk of Fame, that one creepy wax museum," She listed off a few options.

"I don't even care, let's just get out of here," Ashton said.

"Can we go shopping? I told my mom I'd get her something." Michael coo-ed at Calum, hugging his arm.

"Such a mommy's boy!" Calum pushed him off, blush prominent on his tan cheeks.

"Oh fuck off, I know for a fact you cried talking to your mom last night."

"So Angie, where is the best shopping mall?" Michael abruptly changed the subject, Calum looking smug beside him.

-

"Do you guys just want to split up? We can't just keep walking into stores together, that last guy looked pretty angry." Half an hour into our shopping trip, and we had already been thrown out of one store, and glared out of another.

"Angie, Calum just wanted to get the shirt off the top rack for you. We didn't know it would be that hard!"(like my... Fill it in for me, yeah?)

"That's why you ask a store person, Michael! God, have you ever even been shopping?"

"Enough times to know that the stuff on top is the cheap stuff!" Angie gave Michael a glare, a look that said Shut up, or I will rip your balls off and shove them down your throat.

"Maybe it would be best if we did split up. Bye guys!" I yanked Ashton behind me and walked away as swiftly as I could without breaking into a jog.

"So Lukey! Where do you want to go?" I looked to my left, at the boy still holding my hand. I quickly dropped his hand, at which he frowned.

"I'm actually pretty hungry, can we get some food?" He nodded, and as we got in the line for McDonalds I could see he looked a little sad. Was it the hand holding thing? Did he actually want to hold my hand in public? It was sweaty and cold, not to mention he probably didn't even want to hold my hand. Why would he, anyway?

We got to the front of the line, and we ordered our greasy, but delicious food. I payed, much to Ashton's dismay, and I carried our food over to a booth in the corner of the room.

We sat across from one another, and I nudged his foot with mine when he wouldn't look up.

"So, Ash. If you were in a desert island, and you only had three movies, which ones would you bring and why?" (Please answer, I'd love to know you guys!)

I realized in that moment that I didn't really know about him. Yeah, I knew Ashton, but I didn't really know about him.

"The Lord of the Rings box set, the Harry Potter box set, and a home movie compilation," he answered, after a few seconds of thought.

"Harry Potter? Isn't that a kids movie?"

"So what if it is?"

"You still like it, after all this time?"

"Always." Something in his gaze, in the tone of his voice, sent shivers down my spine. He leaned forward, until his mouth was parallel with my ear. "If I had a patronus," he whispered, "it would be a penguin."

"Why would it be a penguin?" I asked, after giving myself a few seconds to gather my wits.

"It's a secret," Ashton said as he winked and tapped his nose.

The rest of our meal was spent like this, asking random questions about each other. I learned he had two siblings who lived with his dad when his parents separated, that he hated green candy, and he thought that throwing rocks at someone's window was terribly romantic, stupid as it was. You could break the glass, he argued, or hurt the person inside. I then vowed to throw something at his window, whether it be rocks or something dumb, like dried fruit.

We left then, still sipping our sodas, this time with me shyly reaching for his hand, and him grabbing mine with a blush.

We walked into Five Below (like a toy store, for those who don't know) and walked around, looking at all the weird stuff in the prank section, laughing at all the twelve year old girls obsessing over the cheap nail polish.

We sprayed each other with the tiny little spray guns, filled with leftover soda from our drinks. Halfway through our fight, we saw a little boy looking at us, probably confused as to why two tall boys were hiding behind boxes of basketballs, shooting at each other and talking in military lingo. We quickly put down the guns and walked away.

We left after buying five bags of candy and a very realistic fake poop, which we planned to use on Michael.

"What time is it, Lukey?" He grabbed at my wrist and shoved my watch in my face.

"Why didn't you just get your phone?"

"I dropped it in the toilet." He looked down at his feet.

"You did what?" How does that even happen?

"Kidding! I'm just lazy! But really, what time do we have to be back?" I checked my watch, which was oh so conveniently placed in front of my face.

"We have just enough time to do one more thing." I pulled him along behind me, moving in the direction of something I had seen earlier.

"Where are we going? Lukey, what are we doing?" I shushed him, moving my hand from his wrist to his hand, lacing our fingers and slowing from my power walk.

We walked in silence for s few minutes, hands swinging in between us, until we reached our destination. (Warning, disgustingly cute lashton moment)

"A photo booth?" He seemed overly excited for a photo booth, but I just giggled and pulled him in after me, shutting the curtains.

"Alright, what background? The poop and toilet paper one? Or the nerd glasses and the test?" I asked him.

"Can I choose?" At my nod he moved his hand forward, then paused and glared at me. "Don't look!"

I covered my eyes for a minute, then opened then when I heard the shutter go off. "You started it without me!" Any feeling of indignation I had melted away when I saw the background. It was a cute snow themed one, with penguins and polar bears in the corner.

I heard another shutter, and realized I had wasted the first two pictures on stupid faces. I smiled into the camera, heard a third shutter.

"Luke? For the last one, can we... I've always wanted to..." He tapped my lips.

I turned towards him, holding one cheek in my palm. We inched closer, eyes flicking down to each others lips. I didn't know what to do, drunk Luke knew how to kiss, not me. Our lips connected just as we heard the shutter go off.

Kissing Ashton was... incredible. Tingles and fireworks rocketed down my spine, warmth radiated outward from my lips, all in all it was...

(The temptation to write 'like touching my flesh to another persons, except grosser and less sanitary' was so strong.)

Magical.

I let him lead the kiss, not sure of myself yet. Eventually, the sound of the machine telling us our pictures were printing broke us apart.

We looked each other in the eyes, his chest heaving and my lungs unable to inflate. Did he like it?

"I think I like kissing sober Luke better." My lungs suddenly remembered how to function, and air rushed into my system with a woosh.

We got out of the dark booth, blinking at the light. I grabbed our pictures from the slot, and together Ashton and I looked them over.

The first picture was cute, my eyes covered with Ashton making a silly face at the camera. In the second I'm looking a him with an expression of complete adoration, while he's looking down. The third had me smiling at the camera, with his head on my shoulder. 

The fourth picture took my breath away. Our mouths hadn't touched yet, they were a centimeter away, but somehow it looked even better and more intimate than I think it would have if we were just kissing.

I gave Ashton one copy, while I kept the other, glancing at it as we made our way to meet up with the others. Here was visible proof that I had just had my first real kiss. Strange, I didn't feel any different, just happier.

"Ooh, what's that? Gimme gimme!" Michael's grabby hands ripped the photo strip away from my hands, a sign that we had found the others.

"Cute, cute, cute, cu- ooh kissing!" Calum reacted to each picture before moving on to the next one, looking over Michael's shoulder as he went.

"What? Kissing? Where?" Angie tried to grab it out of their hands but they stretched up, keeping the slip out of reach. Because I was the tallest, I grabbed it from them as gently as I could, hoping they hadn't ruined it.

"Lukey is being a poo and won't show us, but they kissed!" I muttered a 'don't call me Lukey' but none heard me.

"Kissing?" Angie seemed to not quite get it yet.

"Yes!"

"Like the lip tango?" She still seemed confused, or maybe just stunned.

"Yep!"

"The touching thing?"

"Yes Angie."

"To be clear Ang, they also mean the smooches, kissy kissy, and the ritualistic smacking of the lips. Got it?" Marisa rested one hand gently in her girlfriends shoulder.

"Aah, yes, the ritualistic smacking of the lips. I understand now. Lemme see it!" She reached for the pictures like a toddler, clapping and grabbing the air.

"Hey, fun fact, did you know that when you kiss, you can make one endless tube with assholes on both ends?"


	23. Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Thunder only happens when it's raining…"   
> I crack myself up with my obscure song references.  
> I have so much homework due tomorrow, what the hell am I doing??  
> I don't know anymore. My life is like a box of chocolates.   
> Sometimes you get a good one, sometimes you eat one that turns out to be one of those orange creme's and you wanna cry.

Angie's POV

"Honey, your father and I have something to tell you." I turned back around, stopping my quick exit from an awkward dinner. My mother had sounded strange, almost too nice. I cautiously sat down in my seat, looking between her and my father. They were almost never at dinner together, so this seemed important. 

"Angie… We're-" 

"NO!" I shook my head, covering my ears. "You cannot have another child, I forbid it! Don't tell me if you are, I don't want these images! Let it be a surprise, please!" What I wasn't telling them was that if they had another kid, they were probably gonna fuck that kid up, and I wouldn't stand for it.

"Angelina, be quiet." My mother shook her head, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I'm living with two absolute  _children_... _"_

"Okay, so what's the announcement?" I slowly lowered my hands from my ears, ready to slap them back at a moment's notice.

"Angelina, your father and I are separating. We're getting a divorce."

_shift scene_

"So I thought I'd take the dresser? I know that's your family dresser, dad, but-"

"You are my family." His jaw clenched, and he looked away. 

"I know, but if you want it then-"

"No. You are my family." I quieted, then let it go. A few minutes later he spoke up again, asking what clothes I plan bring to the new house.

_scene shift, nine months later_

"Darling, are you sure this is what you want?" I struggle out the door with another box, turning in the large threshold of my mothers house. 

"Mom, you and Dad have already signed the emancipation, I think it's too late for second thoughts." A large moving guy took the box out of my hands, and I muttered my thanks. I surveyed the moving truck, all my boxes in the back.  _Yeah, Dad, what a family we are. None of us are together anymore._ I felt a wave of sadness at that thought.

"Well then Angelina, if that is your final decision, I must inform you that you have more boxes in the living room, as well as a few things from the music room." She turned her back and left, probably to go complain to one of her Hampton friends.

I went back in and, with the help of a few of the moving guys, grabbed the last of the boxes. Looking at everything I owned, the physical evidence of my life, I felt a refreshing sense of newness. I never knew I had this much stuff though. Guess it comes with being the richest family in America. 

_scene shift_

"Thank you so much, Ris, for letting me move in." I turned into her, hugging her tightly.

"Angie, you're my girlfriend. I would not let you stay in that house anymore." Marisa wrapped her arms around me, probably feeling me break down slightly, shaking. 

"You do realize we're totally conforming to the lesbian stereotype, right?" I spoke quietly, smiling into her collarbone. 

"Ya know, somehow I doubt our situation conforms to anything. And hey, we've been dating, like, eight months. Of course I would let you move in if you had to, even if your situation wasn't so shitty."

That night, as we cuddled in her - our - bed, I heard her whisper something that barely registered in the sleepy warmth of my mind. But when it did, I was suddenly awake.

"No. No. No no nono. You can't love me! You can't do it!" I pulled back from her, sitting up and shaking my head. "You can't love me!" I scrambled out of bed, my foot getting twisted in the sheets, sending me to the ground. I lay there, a tear trickling down my cheek. She couldn't, I wouldn't let her. I'm too messed up, she deserves better.

"Hey baby, it's okay, it's all gonna be okay. Come 'ere, baby its okay my gorgeous girl…" She spoke as if talking to a frightened animal, which I guess I was. She gathered me up and lifted me back into bed, all the while whispering cute things about how she loved me. The longer she spoke, the more accustomed I got to the idea. I knew eventually she would leave me, it was inevitable, but was it really wrong to enjoy her love while I had it? 

"M'risa?" I whispered, interrupting her soothing babble that was slowly putting me to sleep. "I love you too, Ris."

_end scene_

I slowly woke up to the sight of Marisa's warm chocolaty eyes. 

"Mmmm, good morning beautiful." I hummed, whispering in the space between our mouths. Which was, admittedly, little. And, admittedly, the urge to kiss her was there. So I did, reveling in the fact that I could.

"Is it? I'm so glad. You were crying a little last night, did you have an okay dream? I almost woke you up, but you started to smile so I thought you were okay." That's my baby. So considerate. No, you can't have her, she's mine. I'll fight you!  _Where have your thoughts gone, Ang? Remember, bring it back._

"I'm fine, just dreamed about the fam again." She hummed, pecking my lips again with a slow, lazy, perfect morning kiss.

"Is that all?" She must have seen the shyness in my face.

"I definitely didn't dream about you. No. Definitely not. Especially not the first time you told me you loved me, of course not." I gave her another kiss, this one a little longer.

"That's okay, babe. I dream of you all the time."

 

Luke's POV

Ashton pushes me down on the bed, teeth nipping at my neck. I moan, head clouded with need.

"Luke…" His voice was breathy, hips grinding down, rutting against my leg. I rolled us over so that I was on top.

"What do you want, Ash?" He whined at the feeling of me on top of him, his fingers grabbing at my shoulders, nails scratching.

"Want-" His words were cut off with a moan as I moved my hand down his chest, to his boxer line.

"Use your words, baby. What do you want?" I moved my hand even further, down to his rock-hard dick. "Do you want my hand here?" I squeezed, and he moaned, head nodding wildly, eyes squeezed shut. "Or do you want it here-"

I was cut off by the bang of the door opening. "MICHAEL!"

I woke up, body covered in a thin sheen of sweat, dick hard in my pants. I look over to my left and noted I was alone in bed. I moved my hand over, feeling where Ashton would have been, and the bed was still really warm. 

My dream, specifically the name I shouted, hit me. Over the head. With a dead raccoon.

I hope he hadn't heard that… I do sleep talk, and Ashton might have gotten the wrong idea if he heard me moaning, then shouting Michael's name. He's already had one guy cheat on him, why can't he catch a break? Why am I so stupid?

Boner mostly gone, I got out of bed, pulling on a different shirt and a pair of shorts. 

Walking down the stairs, I heard Michael gushing about something.

"Look, Lukey! Another note!" He shoved it into my hand, and I braced myself on the wall, reading it as I muttered "Don't call me Lukey."

 _I usually press "X" to pick up weapons, does_ _that work for you as well?_   _\- C_

I looked up at Michael's shining face, and mustered up a smile. "Cute." I looked past him, at Ashton who was sitting at the counter between the living room and the kitchen, loping at me sadly as he drank his orange juice.

He looked away as I plopped down next to him. "Hey Ash!"

He stayed silent for a minute, then said "I heard your dream." He got up and left, my protests falling on deaf ears.

"What did you do?" Michael walked up to me.

"Something stupid. But it's not what he thinks…" At his look, I'm quick to say "no really! It's not war he thinks!"

"Care to explain?" Not really, it's way too embarrassing.

"Basically, I had a dream. Yes, one of  _those_ dreams," I said when he raised an eyebrow at me. "And at the end of the dream, I don't know why… but you walked in on us and I shouted your name." 

"Oh, bro that really sucks! You think I'm the cock-block? Come on, man, at least tell yourself to put a sock on the door or something, I don't need to see that! Even in a dream, my innocent eyes can't take much more!"

"Michael, I doubt your eyes were ever innocent. Do you have any idea how to get Ashton back?"

"Besides, you know, talking to him like a normal human being? Not a clue, man. You're on your own with this one."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I'm writing this, my sister yells "Oh, Hector's creaming me! Oh, he's doing very good! Go in, go in, go in!" And being the sixteen year old who reads too much gay smut that I am, I immediately thought of… the video game she is obviously playing.  
> Thank you all so much for reading! I lub you guys!


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started writing this three days ago, I swear I did. But really though, how is anyone expected to be productive when a thing called YouTube exists??? Does anyone else go on mad YouTube binges? Come on now, raise your hands, don't be shy, we all do it…  
> On another dark note, a cute boy that I was paired with didn't make it into the play I made it in to, so now I'm all "Well now I'm not gonna see you every day, four days a week…"

_From: Angie_

_Yo Lucas whats up with loverboy here?  Why is he whining?_  

From: Luke

It was a mistake I swear!

_From: Angie_

_Yeah yeah, that's what they all say. Just make up with him, and make sure not to do it again. Every time you do something stupid he comes crying to us and takes Marisa away from me!_

From: Luke

Look, this one really wasn't my fault!

_From: Angie_

_I do not even care. Just apologize. I need my Marisa back._

From: Luke

You do know she hasn't gone anywhere, right?

_From: Angie_

_Tell that to her! Every time I go to say something she shushes me without even looking at me!_

From: Luke

We're a messed up couple of relationships, aren't we

_From: Angie_

_True, true._

_From: Angie_

_Oh my god that is it, I'm coming over!_

A knock on my door interrupted me reading the text.

"Whoa, that was fast," I said, opening the door.

"Yeah I pressed send halfway here, sorry." She brushed past me into my room, sitting on the bed. "Ugh, I can't take it anymore! I'm sorry, you're probably gonna hate me after this, but this bitch needs to vent!"

"Go ahead, I don't care." She springs off the bed, too agitated to sit in one place for long.

"Everything is falling to pieces, I wanted to come out here and have a good time, relax, but it's a week in and what's happened? We go to a party and you get smashed, you try to kill yourself, you and Ashton have two fights, I've thrown up several times, I'm sure we've all cried at least once… Is this going too fast? Maybe we should just go home, this wasn't a good idea." She paces around the room, getting more frantic each and every second.

"No, Angie, this was a great idea! Think about all the positives! Calum and Michael have gotten together, well not yet... But Ashton and I have gotten together! Well, maybe not anymore…"

"You really suck at making people feel better, you know that?" She whips around to look at me, socked feet sliding on the wood floor before stepping back onto the carpet, stalking towards me.

"Look, this was a great idea. We're bound to have problems, everyone does! Maybe you and Marisa don't, but that's because you two are freakishly perfect together." She stops a breath away from me, looking up into my eyes.

"You mean it?" At my nod she let out a deep breath, deflating a little. "I don't know if you understand how bad this feels. It's all my fault, I caused this. If I hadn't invited you guys, none of this would have ever happened. Oh god it's all because of me, it's all me." Whatever level of calm she had obtained disappeared as she spoke, and she turned from me, grabbing at her hair. "Oh my god, this is all on me…" She stood in the middle of the room, turning around in circles, muttering under her breath. 

"Angie. Angie! Hey, calm down!" I walk towards her, palms out, trying to calm her down. It only seemed to agitate her more, though.

"Don't tell me to calm down! How am I supposed to do that? Huh? Why do you all keep acting like it's okay when it's not…" She stopped in the center of the room, hands moving from her hair to her temples.

"Angie, are you alright?" She squinted her eyes shut, then opened them really wide. She swayed from side to side, and sat down on the floor with a thump.

"Yeah, Lucas, I'm fine… Just… Help me get up." She struggled to get up, flailing her arms around. Her movements seemed to be getting slower, and she looked like she was losing strength fast. 

"Angie sit down, I'm getting Marisa." She protested lightly, but I ran from the room anyway. I ran down to the living room, and when seeing they weren't in there tried Marisa and Angie's room.

"Marisa! Marisa, come quick!" I burst into their room. Ashton was cuddled up to Marisa on her bed, but at my frantic entrance they both sat up.

"What's wrong Luke?” She looked terrified, but also like she was trying not to let it show **(A/N** **is there somewhere you can meet me??)**

“I don’t know, Angie collapsed, something weird but I don’t know what happened!” She got off the bed and ran past me, knocking into me lightly. I braced a hand on the doorframe, looked up, and met Ashton’s eyes. He seemed frozen in motion, like he was going to get up, but got lost in staring at me with a wounded expression. I gave him a slightly miserable look back, then turned and ran back to my room.

“Angie, Angie baby you have to open up," Marisa was saying as I arrived at my room. She was knocking on the bathroom door. She was obviously trying to sound calm, but the edges of panic snuck into her voice. "She dragged herself in here and locked the door." She looked up at me, eyes welling up. "I don't think she's okay, we're gonna have to take her to the hospital." We paused a moment to let that sink in, but Marisa soon turned back to the door, begging Angie to open up.

"Is she awake?" I turned to Ashton, who must have followed me here. "I mean, how do you know she can hear you?" 

"We don't." I answered his question with a decidedly serious tone. 

"We just have to keep knocking, hoping she'll wake up. It's not like we can do nothing!" Marisa's calm tone was swiftly disappearing. 

"Isn't there a window?" Michael's voice broke in, head peeping around the corner, Calum's head peeping around below his.

"We'll go try it out!" Calum grabbed Michael's wrist and pulled him away.

**Michael's POV**

We ran out, looking in the garage for a ladder. We grabbed the tallest one we could find, and brought it around to the window of the bathroom, or what we assumed was the right window.

We halted in our tracks, looking from the 25 foot ladder we brought, to the window on the third story.

"Nope." Calum turned away and walked back to the garage.

"Yeah, no."

**Luke's POV**

"Oh move over." Ashton pushed Marisa out of the way, sounding regretful but determined. He crouched down on his knees, and pulled a couple of things from his pocket.

"Ashton, why do you have bobby pins in your pocket?" I was genuinely curious, even though this was not the time. It seemed Ashton and Marisa thought the same, because they echoed my thoughts.

"Not the time, Luke." I kneeled behind Ashton and to the left, trying to see what he was doing. I saw him jiggle this arms a little, and I swear I heard him say "alohamora" before pulling his arms back and twisting the doorknob, now unlocked.

Marisa rushed in to the spacious bathroom. I looked around Ashton, and saw her crouching over what must have been Angie's body. I watched in shock as Marisa stood up, carrying Angie bridal-style in her arms.

"She passed out, someone go get the car." I ran down the couple of flights of stairs, footsteps following me.

"I'll get it, Luke, you can't legally drive more than one person yet," Ashton pushed his way down the stairs before me.

"Whoa, hey guys, what's happening now?" As we rounded the corner we ran into Calum and Michael. 

"We got in, Marisa's got Angie, we're getting the car now to bring her to the hospital." I answered while Ashton pushed past them as he did me, continuing on to the car.

"Ah, look at what we miss, Cal, when we go get a ladder and try to open the window for them, huh?" They all followed me as I walked to the garage, hearing Marisa step off the stairs. Wanting to all be in the car with it on when she got there, we began to speed up. 

"I know, Mikey, good thing they told us they were able to get in, probably just after we left, too. I'm glad they let us run around and almost kill ourselves with a ladder." 

"Shut up, guys," I hissed over my shoulder. This was not a good time to complain about not being told something. Opening the door to the garage, we entered to see Ashton moving a ladder off the hood of the car.

"Guys, can you help get these ladders off the car? We kind of need to hurry, if you hadn't noticed." Calum and Michael sprung into action after stopping in the doorway in shock, guilty expressions on their faces.

"Luke? Would you mind helping too? There happen to be a few more ladders, and Marisa happens to be very close, so it would help if you weren't standing there," Ashton said to me. He sounded kind of rude, actually. Before I could get too offended, I reminded myself that this was a high stress situation and that I had kind of made it seem like I was having a wet dream about Michael. So I really couldn't complain.

We moved the last ladder off the car as Marisa entered the doorway. We all piled into the car, and drove to the hospital twenty miles away, where Marisa relinquished her hold on her girlfriend, giving her to the doctors rushing towards us.


	25. Hospital

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys... It's been a while... Sorry. I swear I am better at updating this, I promise this isn't normal! Depressions kinda hitting me hard recently, and I didn't want this to be a shitty chapter, but I did it! Accept this chapter as peace offering? *places chapter on table and backs away slowly* also I'm not a doctor but I tried!

 

I shifted in my chair, trying to get comfortable in the vinyl covered seat. We had been in the waiting room for going on two hours, and my ass was feeling it. I heard another bout of loud sobbing echoing down the hallway, but it didn't bother me like it had the first couple of times I heard it. Marisa, on the other hand, only got more freaked out.

"Oh my god another one dead, that's way too many, this isn't a very good hospital is it?" She practically whimpered, grabbing Calum's arm.

"Hey, I'm sure this is a great hospital. And you don't know they're dead!" Marisa shook her head, shoving off the hand he tried to place on her shoulder.

"Why else would they be crying?" She said rudely.

"Probably because, oh yeah, we're in a fucking hospital, Marisa, people cry," Michael broke in, making Calum swat him for his blunt words. Ashton sat a few seats away from us, on the other side of Michael so that everyone separated him from me. He stared in to space, not paying attention to the argument about to happen.

"Well just-" I didn't want an argument to start, especially not in a public waiting room, so I was glad when Marisa was interrupted by a tall man in a white coat.

"Anyone for a Miss Angelina Galente?" We all jumped up, eager for news. "If you would follow me, please." He led us to a quieter portion of the hallway, where we all stood in front of him. Glad as I was to get out of the room I had inhabited for the last couple of hours, I was even more nervous now the doctor was here. "Miss Galente seems to be suffering from an acute case of _anorexia nervosa_. Were you all aware of this?" At our nods, he continued. "In your friends malnourished state, any elevated levels of emotion can cause some of her bodily functions to fail. If she was experiencing high levels of stress before her arrival, her heart rate and breathing would have elevated to the point where both might fail, causing an episode similar to a panic attack."

"So... She had a panic attack." Michael's voice cut through the silence following his words.

"No, her..." The doctor paused and reconsidered his words. "It's like her body had a panic attack while her mind was just really stressed. Does that make sense?" We all nodded again, it seemed like nodding was all we could do. "Miss Galente is allowed visitors, so you can go to Ms. Pomfrey for her room number." He pointed to a desk with a middle aged woman behind it, tapping away at a computer.

"Doctor?" Marisa's voice called him back. "In your professional opinion, how bad is her anorexia?" He flipped through his clipboard and took off his glasses.

"Miss, I don't know how to put this, but she's not doing well. Aside from the obvious lack of body fat, her teeth show signs of damage from stomach fluids, and her blood lacks nutrients. I would have to do more in depth screening to tell you more, but I would say that admission to a mental ward could be beneficial." He looked at our gloomy faces. "However... If you had asked for my unprofessional opinion, I would have told you that with continued support from her loved ones, I think she could make a full, albeit slow, recovery. She seems to be a fighter, from how much I've spoken with her."

"Thanks, doc." She turned away, eyes set on the desk with the nice, but stern lady behind the computer. "Excuse me? Ma'am?"

The woman held up one finger, tapping at the keyboard before finally leveling her blue eyes at us. "How may I help you?"

"Yes, we're looking for our friend? Angelina Galente? Could you tell us what room she's in?" Ms. Pomfrey searched something up on the hospitals records.

"Your friend is in room 394. Take the elevator to your right. And remember, the patient needs rest, so be quiet and only five people allowed in the room at a time." She looked straight at me. "Normally I would count you as two, but I'll let this one slide."

Why would I count as two? Is that a tall joke? One look at her face told me she wasn't joking, and I headed to the elevator before she could comment anything else.

The elevator was quiet, to say the least. I tried not to look at Ashton, because this was about Angie and not our failing relationship, but everywhere I looked I could see him in the reflective walls. The elevator dinged, and we strode into the quiet corridor to Angie's room. After a few mistakes we found it, and everyone went in except me.

Apparently noticing my absence, Calum poked his head back out of the room. Seeing me sitting against the wall outside, he exited fully and shut the door softly behind him. "Hey, Luke, you know you don't have to take that lady's rule so seriously. You're only one person, you can come in, you know," he tried to joke gently.

I choked out a laugh. "Go back in, Calum. It's okay, just go back." He tried to say something more, maybe protest, but I spoke before he could. "Just GO BACK INSIDE, CALUM." I regretted raising my voice, even if it was just slightly, but Calum's face didn't look hurt like I thought it would. Instead, he looked slightly exasperated.

"God Luke, you act like no one understands what's going through your mind. Lemme guess. You blame yourself for getting Angie in the hospital, and you think she will hate you for it. You blame yourself for the thing with Ashton. Hell, you probably think the thing with Ashton fucked up Mikey and my budding relationship. Yeah, he told me the dream," he said in response to my questioning look. The thing was, he was right. I did blame myself for all these things.

"We'll let me tell you right now, that that is all bullshit. Mikey and I are still in the running against Marisa and Angie for cutest couple. Angie asked for you first thing when we walked in the door, you should have seen Marisa's face. You and Ashton? The only thing you could have done was talk to him. I get that you're not going to believe that none of this is your fault after hearing it once, hell do I know, but I will make you believe it, and so will the rest of us. Now come on in, you sat out here for like three minutes before I came out here, it's time you went in." I was out here for three minutes? I probably should go in there, even if they throw me out immediately. _You need to make sure Angie's okay_ , I told myself.

I gave Calum a smile as I got up off the ground, but otherwise ignored everything he had said. I wasn't quite ready to hear it, so I tucked it away for future thought. Even though he said Angie didn't hate me, I braced myself to be yelled at as I entered the hospital room.

"Lukey!!!" A loud scream pierced my eardrums. I flinched a bit involuntarily, but looked at the bed. Angie sat up in it, hooked up to several tubes and wires, but looking happy as she held out her arms to me. "Oh Lukey, I love you so much, and I could never hate you," she whispered in my ear as I bent down to hug her. I found it creepy, yet reassuring that she always seemed to know what I was thinking.

"Hey, Luke man, you got a nice ass but move it out of my face please." I straightened out of the hug, and shook my butt at Michael as I did so. I walked back to the corner of the room as Calum hit Michael's arm, narrowly missing him hitting me as well.

"Michael, you are not allowed to say other people have nice butts. Luke, stop shaking your -admittedly nice- butt in my boyfriends face, thank you."

"Boyfr-" Michael started, but was stopped my Calum placing a finger over his mouth and "shhhhhhh"ing him.

"Babe, you have a great mouth, but shut it please."

"Guys, this is exactly what I wanted. I'm so glad you are all being normal and not treating me different." We all looked at Angie, who looked happy as she smiled at all of us.

-

"Luke, wake up. Luuuuuke. Luke!" I was awaken, quite rudely I might add, by Michael loudly saying my name. We had all decided to stay at the hospital overnight, so we could leave early when Angie was released.

"Shut up Michael oh my god." Before I could go back to sleep, he pulled me off of the chairs I had stretched out on.

"Luke, it's like 9:30 in the morning. Wake the hell up, we're getting food." Startled awake by me fall, I looked up at him.

"You asshole," I muttered under my breath, but got up. "Where's Ashton and Calum?"

"They went to go get us all coffee. Ashton's the only one who could even vaguely remember Marisa's Starbucks order, and she wasn't about to leave Angie for a coffee. Come on, let's go." He turned and left. Leaving me to get up and follow.

A few turns later and I could safely say we were not going towards the elevator. When I mentioned this to Michael, however, he waved his hand at me and told me to stop complaining. Before I knew it, we had stopped, and Michael threw open a random door and pushed me in.

"Ummm... Hi," I said to the startled patient in the bed. I knocked on the door. "Michael let me out, dick." A few moments later the door opened, showing a sheepish Michael. Right, sorry, it's the next door." Before I could ask what he meant he pulled me out of the room, pushed me down to the next door, closing it after shoving me inside.

I turned and saw Ashton, looking startled, and probably as confused as I felt. I took a deep breath. Wasn't this what I wanted, to talk to Ashton without interruptions? Well, by the looks of it neither one of us were going anywhere so...

Just as I opened my mouth to speak, my phone rang.

"Hello?" Even though I saw on the caller ID it was Calum, I still answered.

 _"You bitches ain't getting out until you make up!"_ Michaels voice invaded the space, loud enough so that Ashton probably heard it. I put it on speakerphone, just in case.

 _"Yeah, you guys better get your shit together! We need more competition than just Marisa and Angie for cutest couple award!"_ With Calum's last word, the call ended and I looked at Ashton.

"Well," was all he said. He still wouldn't look at me.

"Okay, so we aren't getting out until I explain something apparently." Communicating was new for me, but I was willing to try it out so I wouldn't lose Ashton. I just hoped I wouldn't fail.

"Explain? There's nothing to explain, you had a sex dream about Michael. End of discussion." His arms crossed and his shoulders caved in.

"No- you see... I didn't- well I did but not-" I couldn't get it out. How do you tell someone you had a wet dream about them?

"You know Luke, I hoped you were different. I thought you were." He gave a humorless laugh. "I'm great at picking, right? You know, I really thought this time, this time I found someone who really liked me, not just for sex or whatever. Guess I was wrong huh-" With every word he said I could feel as many, if not more words welling up inside, I just didn't know which ones they were. Eventually I snapped.

"Good god Ashton, it's like you don't even realize that I do like you! I had that fucking dream about you, dumbass! We were about to do something and Michael walked in on us, God! You don't even know how much- you make this- you just make it so hard!" There was silence after my outburst. I waited a minute, panting, for Ashton to react.

A small smirk formed on his face. "I make it so hard, huh?" I then realized what I said.

"Oh no, no! I meant that- which is not to say that you don't- I mean-" I stuttered. I could feel the burn of a blush, probably visible even through the hands placed over my eyes.

"No, no, it's nice to know I have that effect on people." His dammed smirk grew wider.

"Only you, Ashton. Only you could go from angry one second to laughing at an inappropriate joke the next." He giggled before answering, and I was glad to feel the lovely twinge in my heart.

"Yeah well only you, Lukey, could make an inappropriate joke while apologizing profusely."

"It was total accident!"

-

"When do you think we're getting out of here?" Ashton whispered into my shirt. We were cuddling in one of the corners.

"I don't know, it's been like half an hour? Should I call him?"

"No Lukey. Let's just stay here. But I'm hungry, so if I resort to cannibalism it's not my fault." Sarcasm dripped off of every syllable.

"Your sass is neither needed nor appreciated right now."

"Are you kidding? My sarcasm is very appreciated. It's a dying, underused art form."

"Fine then, I guess I won't call."

"If you don't make that call, I will go into your pants and do it for you." To emphasize his words, he dragged his hands down from my stomach to my thigh, feeling the ridge of my phone.

"Okay, whoa, slow down there, I'll call him." I opened my phone and tapped on Michael's name in my recent calls.

 _"Yoohoo lovebirds! I guess by the absence of yelling you two have made up?"_ His chipper voice rang through the speaker,

"That would be correct, now please come get us soon, we're hungry and Ashton's threatened to eat me," I said.

 _"Oh heaven forbid he eat you, you must hate that,"_ someone who sounded like Angie yelled.

"Oh my god. Just come get us please." I hung up, face red for the second time in half an hour.

We sat in silence, until Ashton said "So you don't want me to eat you-"

"Shut up, Irwin."

A few minutes later a scraping sound came from the door. The distinct sound of the door unlocking met our ears, and in that moment if sounded like the sweetest sound on Earth.

Second only to Ashton's giggle. Of course.

We quickly got up and went to the door just as it opened. As it opened Ashton let out this bloodcurdling shriek.

"AAAAAHHHHH! Oh my god we're alive we're okay the door is open!" He started jumping around like a teenage white girl, and gestured for me to join. I flapped my hands around and said whatever came into mind, which proved to be both exactly what a teenage white girl does, and a huge mistake. Ashton stopped jumping to look at me, and I stopped too once I realized what I had said.

I love you. Over and over.

"I- I just-" I couldn't get any other words out. It was true, I realized, I did love him. But judging from the terrified look on his face, he wasn't ready to hear it.

"Lukey... I'm sorry, I really do like you... But... Maybe I just need some time." He left the room, and I was left to stand and watch him go until I couldn't see him anymore. And when I couldn't see him anymore? I looked at the space where I saw him last, waiting for him to come back.

"Is this what love feels like?" I asked Michael, who stood awkwardly in the door.

"Yeah. Yeah kinda."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah sorry, anticlimactic ending. But what else is new. I love you all so much, you are all beautiful creatures and deserve the moon! I hope you find someone who will give it to you, i truly, truly do!


	26. Date Night! Pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god I've found fetus eva pictures. Let me know if you ever need an ego boost.
> 
> By the way, speaking of ego boosts, thank you for all the lovely comments! I've gotten a few that are along the lines of 'I love this story and can't wait for an update!' and then the one in all caps? Love them. I love you all, really. Will any of you casually marry me? Let's meet and discuss the wedding, shall we? No? Okay, I'll wait at the altar, just in case...

“Good god, I got a man again!” Angie’s voice cut through the house.

“She really has to stop taking those gender quizzes,” Ashton muttered to me from where his head lay on my chest. It was two days after Angie was admitted into the hospital. Ashton had come up to me before she was let out and apologized for running away.(“I’m sorry Lukey I’m just not used to people loving me and it’s all too soon and I just got you back and-” “Ash, calm down, it’s okay.”)

“I know, one more ‘You are a middle aged male!’ result and she might begin to question her gender.” I pressed a kiss into his head, hair tickling my nose. “So...”

“So?” His head turned on my chest to look at me.

“So... I think we should go on a date.” I wondered if Ashton could hear my heart speed up. From the way his eyes widened then crinkled, and how he nuzzled into my chest a little more, I think he could.

“A date, you say? Why would we do that?” He teased me.

“Well, we are boyfriends...” I trailed off. Did I miss something? Were we not boyfriends? 

“Are we though? Are we really? I mean, we haven’t even been on a proper date yet.” I poked him in the stomach and glared. “Hey! You know you love me.” I blushed and hid my face in his hair.

“Stop making fun of me.”

“Aww, Lukey, I’m not making fun of you. Even if you did say it in the lamest way possible...” He leaned up and pecked me on the lips. **(A/N Really though, what was I thinking??)**

“Oh my god I know, can we not mention it?”

“It’s okay baby I thought it was cute.” We shared another kiss and I leaned my forehead against his, eyes still closed.

“So about our date?” I opened my eyes.

“Does that mean it’s a yes to the date?”

“Well I’m not exactly gonna turn down a date with my cute boyfriend, now am I? So where are we going, boyfriend?”

“Um... About that.” I scratched the back of my head awkwardly. “I hadn’t really gotten that far, I kind of didn’t expect you to say yes.”

“Alrighty then, just let me handle it!” He started to get up, but I pulled him back down to my chest.

“Where are you going?”

“To plan the greatest date you’ve ever been on, of course!”

“No wait, I should be the one to plan it, I asked you!” He tsked at me as he, successfully, got out of my arms.

“Honey, you and I both know that I’m gonna plan a better date than you,” he said teasingly. _Probably true, though_ I thought.

“But-”

“No, you can just sit right there and continue watching this incredible episode of Teen Titans and stop worrying your pretty little head cause this date’s gonna be great and you’ll love it and-” He edged out of the room, the door closing behind him stopping the flow of words.

- **(Who’s excited for the date? I am! I live vicariously through my characters love lives. #NeverBeenOnADate...)**

“Where are we going?” I had tried to wait for Ashton to tell me something, anything, but I was done being patient.

“Not telling!” 

“God dammit Ashton, this isn’t gonna be some cliche movie shit.”

“Nuh-uh Lukey, this is our first real date and we can be as grossly cliche as we want to be.”

“But Ashy-”

“No! Now be quiet, you know I can’t resist your pout.” 

No, actually, no I didn’t. I turned to him and gave me his best pout. He looked at me, sensing my movement, and quickly looked away. He snuck another look, but I was still pouting at him. “Shit..” I heard him mutter. I made my lower lip wobble slightly, let out a whimper or two.

“No, you can’t do this to me, please stop Lukey, I really can’t tell you, I want this to be a surprise.” 

“Okay, sorry.” I turned back to face forward, embarrassed.

“No, don’t be sorry, I just really want this to be special.”

The time passed quickly, listening to All Time Lowand chatting, and before I knew it we stopped in front of a cute little diner.

“Ooh, you’re a dinner date kinda guy, I see.” I smirked a little at Ashton.

“I’m an every date kind of guy." He winked. "But no, this isn’t the only part of the date. I just thought you’d want food before the rest."

We entered, and were quickly placed at a booth by the window.

“Hello, my name is Daniel and I will be your server today! Can I interest you two in some of our specials?” I looked up to see a guy not much older than we were, with dark hair and bright blue eyes.

“Hi, I think we’re okay, can we just get the menus please?” Ashton’s voice was subtly hardbut not rude, and his hand grasped mine over the table. Daniel’s eyes flew down to our connected hands and widened.

“Okay, do you know what you’d like to drink?” 

“I’d like a sweet tea, please. What would you like, babe?” The word babe was stood out from the rest, and I squeezed his hand, giving him a look that said _Be polite_.

“I’ll have a lemonade, thanks!”

 Daniel nodded, and placed our menus in front of us.

“Alright, one sweet tea and a lemonade coming right up!” He said before turning and scampering away.

“Okay, now what was that?” I looked over at my dinner date, who in turn looked down at our hands still clasped on the table. 

“What was all what?” He asked innocently, tangling our fingers together and playing with them.

“You know, all that posturing and ‘babe’ shit?” He laughed slightly.

“Oh yeah... I’m sorry, I just get a little...”

“Possessive?” I finished for him. He looked up and shot me a guilty smile. “You know I’m not gonna leave you, right? Especially not for some guy I’ve never met?”

“Yeah, I know, I just get self conscious.” I looked over his shoulder and smiled a bit.

“Doesn’t look like you have to worry, I think he’s got someone.” Ashton looked confused, but soon turned around. At a booth in the other corner, we saw Daniel talking to another guy who’s back was turned to us. Daniel’s smile was bright, and he was so excited he was practically dancing in his seat. He pointed at us, and clapped a little. When he looked over at us and saw us looking, he blushed a little bit but said something to whoever was across him. He got out of the booth, and, pulling the other guys hand, made his way over.

“Hi guys! Sorry to bother you, if you don’t remember me I’m your waiter Daniel, I’m sorry this is weird we should go...” He turned to the other guy. He was really tall, buff, with an eyebrow piercing to match his ears. His tattoos were shown off by a black tank top, and his hair was shaved. I wouldn’t want to cross this guy in an alleyway, or even in a park in broad daylight, but if he knew Daniel he couldn’t be that bad.

“No, babe, it’s okay. Just say hi.” His voice was deep, deeper even than mine. Daniel clutched his hand tighter and took a deep breath.

“Okay hi, sorry about that, I’m Daniel and this is my boyfriend Chaz, we just moved out here to L.A. a week and a half ago, and we haven’t met any other gay couples yet, I was a little scared there weren’t gonna be any others but now we’ve met you and just... yeah. Glad to meet you.” That was kind of adorable... I looked over at Ashton and could tell he thought the same.

“Well nice to meet you, you’ll be glad to know that we are actually staying with a couple of friends, all of whom are queer and in relationships. So now you know more gay couples,” I said. Would this make him happy? I didn’t know what to say! I’m so good at speaking to people, you have no idea. **(A/N Me too man oh my god)**

 ****“Oh my goodness that’s incredible!” He literally jumped and clapped his hands before saying “I actually have to go now, I still have a job you know, could I maybe get your guys’ numbers or is that too weird?”

“No, that not weird at all!” Ashton and I gave him our numbers, and Daniel dragged Chaz away, throwing a ‘bye!’ over his shoulder.

“Well he was nice,” Ashton commented.

“Oh, really, was he? I didn’t notice,” I teased.

“Shut up, you love me.”

“Yeah, I do.” I sighed a little. He opened his mouth to speak but before he could-

“Are you guys ready to order or do you need a little more time?” Daniel came back.

“I’d like the...” I hadn’t had a chance to look at the menu yet, but I didn’t want to send him away once I met him, so I just ordered the first thing I saw that sounded good. “I’ll have the breakfast burger with a side of fries? Medium rare, please.” He nodded and wrote it down on his little pad, tongue between his teeth.

“And for you sir?” He turned to Ashton, who was also looking down at the menu.

“Can I have the veggie noodles please?” He asked politely.

“Of course, would you like a side with that?” Daniel looked up, still writing Ashton’s order on his pad.

“No thanks, I’ll just have some of his fries.” Wait, what? No one takes my fries. But one look at Ashton’s cheeky grin, and his dimples-the dimples-I knew he was gonna have some anyway.

“Alright, that’ll be out in a moment!” He left, and I turned to Ashton.

“So you’re eating my fries, huh?”

“Yeah, what are you gonna do about it?” He smirked at me, and I felt my heart speed up. _Dammit Luke, keep cool!_

“Well, I might just break up with you. Fries are a serious matter, you know.” I added when I saw his surprised face.

“Shut up right now or you’ll never find out about the next part of the date, I swear Lucas,” He threatened with a smile on his face.

I gasped. “You rude, selfish boy.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll post the second half of this later… I just wanted to put something up after three ish weeks of neglecting this poor story...


	27. Date Night pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey… guess who's crawling back after a month… hint, its me. Sorry.  
> But if you are still reading this, or if you're new and missed the month gap, thanks for still being here! I don't quite know why you are, but I love you you beautiful, sexy nerds you!!

We finished our dinner in silence, only speaking to make a weird comment or ask to try the others food. When we had finished, Ashton stood up and took my hand, pulling me up as well.

“Ashton, we can’t just leave. We haven’t payed yet!” I protested, but he shushed me. 

“I’ve already worked it out with the front, I knew you would try to pay so I did it before. I asked you on the date, I pay,” he added when seeing that I was about to protest.

“Where are we going now?” I asked, as he pulled me out the door. I saw Daniel waving goodbye out of the corner of my eye, and I turned around to wave back. Just as I went to turn back towards Ashton, I felt something hit my back, glancing off my shoulder and head.

“You did not just pull me into the door frame. Tell me you didn’t.” I looked at Ashton who dropped my hand, frantically reaching behind me to feel my back, one hand trailing up to rub my head. I closed my eyes at the contact, feeling his fingers run through my hair and massage the small bump forming where the door had hit. It hadn’t even hurt that badly, but if this is the treatment I got any time I bumped into something, then running into door frames suddenly seemed more attractive.

“I know I’m supposed to keep this a surprise, but I guess I owe you one for pushing you into the door. I thought we could go to this bar down the street for the rest of our date. Not to drink,” He added, seeing the hesitation on my face. “Our last encounter with alcohol didn’t end so well, but there’s an open mic night going on there and I thought we could do something, or even just watch.”

I actually considered it for a moment. I blamed the fact that I wasn’t saying no immediately on the warmth that still filled me from Ashton’s fingers. I usually hated people staring at me, and performing for class was one of the scariest things I’d ever done. But nobody knew me here, if I did something stupid no one would ever see me again. 

“Alright, let’s do it.” Excitement filled his face, and I knew I had made the right choice. I’d go through any amount of public humiliation to make him smile, I guess that’s just what love is.

-

“Thank you all for listening!” We entered the bar just as some girl finished her set, the last chords of her guitar still carrying through the speakers. Polite applause started as she made her way off the makeshift stage to jump into some guy’s arms. I couldn’t help but wonder at their story, just something I do sometimes. Maybe she had just confessed her love for him, or maybe she had just performed a song she had written.

Maybe he’s enlisted in the army and surprised her during her set. 

“Give it up for Jessica O’Malley, performing an original song! Next up we have...” The announcer scanned his list for the next name. “Keith Souders! Come on up Keith!” Ashton and I both ordered a drink (“Sprite for me thanks,” and “Dr. Pepper please”) as the audience waited for Keith to go on stage. “Keith? You ready? Is there a Keith Souders out there? Alright, looks like he is not here, folks. There’s always a few no shows. We have an opening in our roster, would anyone like to step up?” Ashton looked over at me.

“Do you want to go now?” I shook my head. Go now? No way. 

“What are we even doing, anyways?” As I tried to mentally prepare myself, I found a couple flaws in this plan. “And where am I going to get a guitar? And you a drum set?”

“I heard you humming I Miss You earlier, do you know it on guitar? You can probably borrow one from anyone in here, and do you see that brown box on stage? That’s called a cajon, I’m gonna play that.”

“So you’re gonna play the box.” I asked, a smile threatening to break loose. 

“Yes, why?” He squinted at me.

“No, no, you play _the box_.” 

“Yes, the cajon.”

“Alright.” I leaned back. “When we go up there I’m going to introduce you as my boyfriend who will accompany me on _the box_.” Realization dawned on his features, quickly followed by a sassy expression. 

“Fine. But just remember, I’m a drummer.” Now I was the one confused.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Drummers do it harder.” I choked a little on my Dr. Pepper. I quickly recovered though.

“Yeah, well guitarists finger faster.” I set my drink down and leaned in, eager to see what his reaction was, loving this easy banter between us.

“Eh, I prefer it slow and deep to fast.” I thought for a second.

“Dammit Calum! Stop being so desirable.” 

“I know, what a bassist,” Ashton scoffed, throwing his hands in the air and shaking his head. Engrossed in our discussion, I hadn’t realized that they had moved on and someone was in the middle of performing Jasey Rae onstage. I closed my eyes and nodded my head to the beat. When I opened them a few minutes later, Ashton was staring at me with a fond smile on his face. 

“What?” I asked him, was there something on my face?

“Nothing. You’re just beautiful.” Did he just TFIOS this? Oh no he didn’t...

“Shut up, that’s too cliche.” I hid my face, sure I was blushing. Judging from the heat rushing to my face, I was, and Ashton’s fond smile grew even bigger.

“This is the first date, we can be as cliche as we want. But after this? We’re gonna have the most original relationship ever, baby.” I ignored the ‘baby’ part, filing that away for further examination. 

“What are we going to do that’s so original?” I asked him, settling down. I knew he was going to give me a strange answer, and as always, he did not disappoint. 

“We’re gonna travel the world, but we can only eat weird food. We’re gonna go sex diving **(A/N Skydiving, but with sex...)**. We’re gonna be Luke and Ashton, which is more original than anything. Ashuke. Luketon. Auke? Lashton? Lashton. We’re gonna be lashton.” As I opened my mouth to say something, what I don’t know but I had to speak, the announcer got back onstage.

“Great job Charlie, and now onto our next performers! Luke and Ashton, please come up!” I looked at Ashton for support, but eventually got up.

“Excuse me, ma’am, but may I borrow your guitar?” I asked the girl who had gone when we arrived, who was sitting in the mans lap. She handed it over with a ‘sure, honey’ and I walked onto the platform stage, Ashton already sitting on the box. 

“Hi everyone, I’m Ashton and this is my boyfriend Luke, and we will be playing ‘I Miss You’ by Blink 182.” I looked down at my guitar, and started to play. 

I’m not going to say it was like magic. I’m not going to say something just clicked. I’m not even going to say it sounded good! Because it was really kind of messy. Without practice we didn’t have any clue what the other person was doing, but we got our shit together around the second verse and it was actually pretty okay after that. 

We finished with Ashton improvising some little harmony, and the announcer heralded us off stage. I returned the guitar to the woman I had borrowed it from,  and sat down across from Ashton at our table.

“Do you think it’s safe to drink these? They always say don’t leave your drinks unattended...” He looked down at his Sprite, trying to see if there was anything floating in it.

“What, you think someone drugged us? Maybe spat in our drink? Do you really think we were that bad?” His response was interrupted by some guy walking up to our table.

“Hello my name is Steve Marcus, I’m a talent scout and I was very impressed by your performance up there. I’m sure my label would be interested in hearing you.” This was all directed at me. I was shocked, there were talent scouts here? And they liked us?

“Oh my god, thank you!” I stuttered out, feeling as if I were in a dream. 

“Now, I have a job to do, but here is my card, and you can call me tomorrow and set up a meeting, how does that sound? Good? Alright, goodbye son.” He shoved a card into my hand, turned, and left.


	28. A Second Date Night

 

Michael's POV

I woke up to the sun shining in my eyes and morning breath hitting my nostrils. "God Calum, you fucking suck man." I whined and tried to roll over, but his arms stopped me.

"Why are you complaining, you can't pretend you didn't like it." He hums with his eyes closed, blowing more of his morning breath into my face. I couldn't take it anymore, hell I didn't have to take this! I got out of bed, ignoring my sleepiness, my lover, and the frigid air, and walked downstairs to the kitchen. I grabbed a fun sized bar of chocolate and practically ran back to my warm bed.

"Here, smelly." I shoved the chocolate bar into Calum's mouth, startling him awake. Well, sort of awake. He squinted at me, adorably confused, so I added "if you're not gonna fix this stinky situation then I will." He slowly began to bite the chocolate, the back half of the bar still hanging from his mouth.

I started to smell chocolate, a refreshing change from the scent of dead animal I had been smelling before. The more I breathed in, the more I wanted chocolate. _But it's so cold... I don't wanna get back up..._ I eyed the chunk of chocolate not yet in Calum's mouth. _I could_... I ducked my head down and bit off the end of the chocolate, lips nearly brushing Calum's.

I closed my eyes while chewing, opening them once I had finished to see Calum's eyes wide open, staring at me, jaw still. "What?"

"I wish I could kiss you..." He mumbled, so quietly I had to move my head closer on the pillow to hear.

"Then why don't you?" I asked, more than ready for our first kiss. He swallowed the chocolate in his mouth before speaking.

"Because I need to ask you out before I do." The tips of his ears flushed, and I resisted the urge to coo at him like I did the first few times I saw it.

"Then ask me, numnuts." He shook his head, much to my disappointment. I wanted Calum kisses now!

"No, I've got a whole schedule, I have things I have to do before-" I kissed him lightly, less of a kiss than a very brief press of the lips, but it still shut him up. Before he started whining about me ruining his plan, I spoke.

"How about you speed up this schedule of yours, huh cutie?" He nodded breathlessly. "So what do you want to do today? Is that on your schedule?" I teased. He pouted and turned around, yelling about how he "shouldn't have mentioned it, I knew you would make fun of me Mikey!"

"No but really though, what should we do? Do you wanna go swimming?" I asked. Calum flipped around and shook his head.

"No, not today, I can't." What does that mean? "Do you wanna go into Los Angeles again, see what's up there?" God we're losers, can't come up with stuff to do.

"Sure thing," I answered. "Does this interfere with your schedule - Alright I'm sorry!" I jumped out of bed to escape the pillow he threw at me. "Well now look at what you've done, you've pushed me out of bed, now I've got to get dressed and be an adult."

"Michael, you're not even 18, you're not an adult." Oh yeah, that's right. Is it normal to forget your age or am I just a freak?

"Anyways, you need to stay in bed for another fifteen minutes while I set a few things up - yes Mikey, for my _schedule_. Do you want to kiss me or not?"

I jumped back in bed and pulled the covers up to my nose. "Go Calum, your fifteen minutes are ticking away! Go go go!" He grabbed his bag before running downstairs. Instead of staying in bed like Calum told me to, I decided to use the extra time to make myself look good. God knows I would need all the extra time I could get. I felt like something was gonna happen today and I wanted to look nice for when that happened.

I had just finished arranging my hair perfectly when the timer I set on my phone went off. I pulled on my Misfits shirt, poked at my fringe one last time, and headed downstairs. I walked into the kitchen to see a bouquet of flowers, and a bunch of notes.

_I think something's wrong with my auto-aim, because I can't take my eyes off you!_

_If you were a pokemon, I'D CHOOSE YOU!_

_Baby, life's like Tetris and I'm that long block you've been waiting for all your life._

_The odds of meeting another guy as amazing as you, are the same as the odds of hitting a no-scope shot from across the map._

I then opened up the last one.

_Dear Michael: Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I rejoin this lobby? I believe, and you didn't even have to rejoin. Not that you would anyway, you're too lazy. But it's okay, I'd jump over a thousand barrels for you. I'd die a thousand deaths for you, even though it would mess up my K/D ratio._

_But all jokes aside, I really would do anything for you. I don't know if it's gotten through your cute, thick skull yet, but I'm kind of in love with you. I've been really obvious about it too, but you're so oblivious it's adorable. But my love for you will last until the final flower dies._

I looked up at the dozen or so yellow flowers. He knows I've never kept flowers alive past the first day. Plus the flowers are already technically dead, so what the hell is he trying to say here?

 _I know what you're thinking dummy, I know you can't keep things alive, so look at the flower in the middle_.

I looked, but all I saw were more flowers. What was I looking for?

"Michael wai- oh fuck." Calum walked into the room and paused when he saw me reading the note. "Close your eyes. No peeking, you asshole!" I dutifully closed my eyes, hearing some rustling before feeling wind on my face.

"Did you just wave your hand in front of my eyes?" I asked incredulously. Does he not trust me? I would never peek. Never.

"You saw me Michael I told you to close your eyes!" He whined. I spoke over him while pushing him out of the room

"Okay, goodbye loverboy, I'm trying to read here." Once I sat him on the couch I left him, pouting, to finish the letter and figure out what Calum did.

I counted the notes and saw the same ones. What else could he have changed? I looked through the bouquet of yellow flowers again, and this time found a plastic one right in the middle. The idiot. The sweet, adorable idiot.

_The plastic flower makes sure that the last flower never dies, I guess. I think it's symbolic. Dunno, I just found it on tumblr and thought it was cute. True, though. I really do love you._

_I wanna take you on a date tonight. Will you go on a date with me? You, me, at six. I wanna keep it a surprise, because even though you deny it, I know you love all that cutesy stuff! Plus I gotta keep you wondering, make sure something keeps you from canceling on me._

_Always yours, Calum._

Calum wanted to date me? He wanted to go out with me? He wants to be my boyfriend and go to college together and get married and have kids and live in a beach house with me? _Don't get ahead of yourself, it's just one date. He might think we'd be better off as friends after this_. True as that was, I suddenly felt really excited for tonight.

-

Calum's POV

Oh god what have I done?

I thought I could do this, be cool and collected, just effortlessly whip up the perfect date that both of us would enjoy, but what kind of date do you go on when you've known the other person for years? We've basically done everything together already, what's left?

I took a deep breath, tried to calm myself down. What are some of Michael's favorite things? Pizza, video games, movies. Everything he already does on a daily basis **(bass-is. Cause he plays... nevermind sorry)** , I wanted this to be special.

Okay, he likes pasta, good, I'm getting somewhere. He likes... A memory came to mind, and I suddenly knew what to do.

Michael's POV

We had spent the day together, driving into the city and walking around, finally deciding to see a movie and get ice cream after. Not a single word was spoken about the date or feelings, leaving us to have fun as old friends did. Calum seemed occupied with something else though, always texting someone on his phone. I felt some weird jealousy that he was texting someone more important than I, but I thought of how he was planning an entire date for us and became excited instead. If Calum was putting this much effort into it, I was sure it was going to be great.

We decided to go home after that and get ready for the date separately, which was silly because it's not like we were getting married, we could still see each other without it being a disaster. But Calum wanted to do things the cliche and, admittedly, cute way and told me he would pick me up at six, making me wonder what to do for the next two hours.

Throughout the entire day I didn't see the others. I assumed they were all being couply and didn't think much of it, until I walked through the living room and heard loud giggling from the direction of the family's rooms, not the guest rooms we had been staying in. Judging from the lesbian porn I had watched (hey, I was a growing pan boy with needs) I decided the giggling was a large sign to keep away and let Marisa and Angie do their thing.

Fifteen minutes until six I stood in front of my mirror, fixing my hair for the umpteenth time, wishing time would move faster. I had always seen in movies and in books the main characters rushing to get ready, but every time I looked at the clock the hands seemed to be stuck in the same position. Finally, after I contemplated going to the bathroom for the third time that hour, just to make _extra_ sure I wouldn't have to shit on our date and possibly risk a stinky situation (one of the many outcomes I had imagined for that day) my phone buzzed.

"Hello?" I whispered through the phone, my voice cracking halfway through the word.

 _"Hi, Michael? I'm outside, are you ready?"_ Marisa's voice rang through the phone.

"Umm, yes? Are you driving me to Calum?" I was confused, did Marisa and I have plans I forgot about? It wouldn't have been the first time.

 _"Yep, she is! I'm here too! And don't even think about asking is where you're going, cause we're not gonna tell you!"_ Angie's voice sang throughly the earpiece, making me pull away slightly.

"Okay, I'll be out in a moment!" I hung up and walked towards the front door to put on my shoes. Oh god, my shoes! I hadn't even thought about what shoes I was going to wear. _No, Michael, Calum doesn't like you for your shoes, now get outside_. I grabbed my standard black boots, hoping that would suffice for wherever we were going.

"Finally, I thought you had chickened out!" Angie leaned over the backseat to open my door. I always thought that was a strange thing to do, wouldn't it be easier for me to open it myself than for her to do it for me?

"No, I'm here, and if you're not gonna tell me where I'm going then you better drive there fast," I said as I plopped into the backseat. Some girl sang about someone getting out of their house, and I groaned. "Can't we listen to something different? Like Breaking Benjamin or whatever?"

Both Angie and Marisa gasped, and Angie turned to face me. "Lynn Gunn is not only the love of my life, but she is Jesus among lesbians and she shall be respected." Well then.

"Fine. I guess I'll have to deal with it." At my words Angie's face reddened.

"Deal with it? DEAL with it? What the hell does that mean?" At a nudge from Marisa she quieted. "Fine. _Fine_. We'll listen to your shitty music." She switched to Beartooth, and I didn't ask why she had "my shitty music" on her phone.

We arrived, and I saw to my dismay that Calum was standing there in a blazer and nice black jeans, while I was just wearing my everyday ripped jeans, band shirt and flannel.

"Hi," I said quietly as I approached, the sound of the car pulling away almost louder than I was.

"Hi," he said, just as soft, nerves evident in the lines in his face. Only then did I realize how in tune we were, how I could see how he felt just by the crinkles around his eyes.

He offered his arm to me and we strolled down the street, the sea on our left. We stopped when we reached a wooded area, forest crowding the sand. Calum sat on the fence between us and the beach and began to take off his shoes. One of which, I noticed, were Luke's.

He saw where I was looking and blushed a little. "Yeah, I was nervous. They're the same shoe, though so... Can you blame me? But you might want to take your boots off, socks too while you're at it." I sat beside him, and when we were done he stepped over the fence onto the beach.

"Calum, I don't think we can do that. It's private property." I pointed to the sign a few feet away, but followed him over when he grinned. I followed him around the bit of trees, and then saw where we were going.

"Do you remember what you said the first time we met?" He grabbed my hand, voice almost shaking with nerves.

"How would I ever remember that?" But I knew Calum would have, Calum the sweet boy who remembers anything about those he cares for.

"You said 'hi, I'm Michael and I like candlelight dinners and long walks on the beach.' You were the sassiest ten year old I'd ever met, and you still are. Sassy, I mean. Not, you know, ten." He coughed in embarrassment.

"And then you stood there, and right when I thought I'd scared you off you winked and promised to do those things with me." That, I could remember. He looked up at me, and the blush that had been there since I arrived started to leave.

"Anyways, now I know that you're really too lazy to enjoy long walks, but I know that no matter how hard you deny it, you want to be romantic and cliche with someone. So I combined those two things. You don't have to walk, see?" My heart warmed at his thoughtfulness. I really did like the beach, just not walking on it. And the romance thing? Dead on.

"You seem to know me quite well, mister Hood. Shall we sit down and continue the date?" We walked the last twenty feet to the table, and he pushed my chair in for me. The feet sunk into the sand, and everything was wobbly, but the fact that he remembered any of this was enough.

"Pasta?" He offered.

"Why yes, thank you sir."

-

Dinner was nice. The food was great and the sparkling grape juice was amazing (how he remembered my favorite childhood drink was beyond me), but nothing compared to the company I was with.

The candles had blown out the first few minutes, but it was light enough that we didn't care. As the night went on, however, it grew darker and we had to relight the candles or risk poking ourselves with forks. We spoke about everything and anything, from Pokemon to the future. Just when I thought I knew everything about Calum, my best friend and love, he managed to surprise me with things I didn't know.

"What do you mean you've never seen Avatar: The Last Airbender? You've sat there as I ranted to you about it so many tines!" This was one of those moments, when I was taken by surprise.

"The first time I told myself I would watch it, and then I never did! And I couldn't tell you after that, I always thought you were the coolest person I'd ever met, I wanted you to like me." And like that, the conversation had turned serious. As light hearted as our conversations were, there was always an undercurrent of tension that had gone unaddressed. The whole night we had avoided talking about our feelings, but now was the perfect transition.

"When did you first know you loved me?" I asked softly.

"I don't know. I think once in the eighth grade you were over at my house, and we were playing Call of Duty, and you were yelling and then you beat me and you were so excited, I just looked at you and thought "oh my god. I'm so head over heels for this boy." I told you I liked boys a few months later, remember?"

And I did. He sat me down on his bed and, fingers tangling through themselves, told me he liked both genders. I hugged him, then told him I liked all genders. He didn't understand the difference, but he accepted me anyways.

I didn't know how to feel after his confession. His moment was so sweet and cute, and mine couldn't compare. It hit me then how much he must live me. It seemed now that he always loved me more than I loved him, but if I loved him so much I hurt, how must he have felt?

"Um, Michael? If you don't mind me asking, when did you realize?" His sweet voice broke through my thoughts. I took a deep breath, this was embarrassing.

"Do you remember... The first time we fucked?" I cringed a little.

"Made love, but yes." He corrected.

"Well we didn't know it at the time, but yes. Well, right before that, I was upset because our friends were talking about their girlfriends and I felt like the only sixteen year old who hadn't had sex. I thought that maybe I was weird looking or something? And you told me I was beautiful and that you'd do it with me. I don't know, it's weird but I guess that push was what I needed to realize that you were so perfect."

He blushed at me, but looked away. "I didn't mean to sound like I only like you because we had sex, just that that was when I thought it first!" I was nervous that he would think that I was a sex addict or something, and run away. I hoped he would realize that I would give up sex for him, just to make him comfortable if that's what he needed.

"Relax, Mikey, I was just remembering that moment. We've had sex a lot, haven't we?" He was being really blunt, but I could see how that made him uncomfortable.

"Yeah, but none of it meant as much as it would now. I didn't know, I thought you were just doing it for me because you felt bad, and I was so greedy that I kept you." It felt weird sharing my concerns to him, but also silly because I knew that he wouldn't judge.

"I never did anything because I felt bad for you. In fact..." I watched as he got out of his seat and knelt on the sand. No, he couldn't be I'm too young!

"Michael, I love you, and I want you to always know that. To prove it to you, I have to ask..." He grabbed a black box from his back pocket. No, this can't be happening.

"Michael Gordon Clifford, would you do me the honor of becoming my"

"No! No no no!" I yelled before noticing that he had said "boyfriend", and that the box, now open in his palms, held a ring pop. Calum started giggling, seeing my face.

"Did you think I was proposing? God no, Michael I love you but no." I breathed a sigh, relieved.

"I meant yes. To your question before." He chuckled once more before fitting the ring pop on my pinky, the only finger it would fit.

"You know..." He started. "The schedule has come to an end. I've asked you to be my boyfriend, I don't know what I'll do now." I caught on and stepped closer.

"I think I have a few ideas. You know, now that we're boyfriends and whatnot." I drew him close and ran my hand up his left side, loving the feel of him in my arms when a hiss stopped me.

"No sorry, keep going." Calum tried to insist, but I could see that his side was tender. "Yeah, about that... Sort of another surprise for you, I didn't want to dump all of this on you at once.." I pulled up his shirt, really confused until I saw a tattoo along his ribs.

"Oh, _Calum_! It's.. It's lovely! You know how much I love... Numbers! And, um, math!" I teased obnoxiously. I'm sure Calum had a reason for tattooing a series of ones and zeroes on his rib, but I sure didn't get it.

"It's, well, it's binary. It.. Well it means I love you." The numbers took on a different, secret meaning, and I had to say I felt differently about them now. I leant down and kissed the rib above the tattoo, not sure if I could touch it or not with how recent it was.

"I'm sorry, is it too much?" His voice was quiet.

"Calum, we've been in love with each other for years and never told anyone, I don't think it's too much at all. But, back to that, there's something I've been wanting to do all night."

In the moonlight, with my hand covering a bunch of zeroes and ones that meant so much to me, I pressed my lips to the lips of the boy who I had loved since I could recall, the boy I could finally call mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! This chapter was long in the making.   
> The flowers I imagined were yellow chrysanthemums, which signify a secret admirer. Thought it was fitting.  
> I'm writing a malum short story would any of you mind checking it out? Thanks, I love you all you beautiful nerds!


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to sincerely apologize for this being so late. I'm so incredibly sorry.

“How am I gonna get myself back home?” Bastille played in my ears.

The thing was, I was home. The trip to the beach house had ended, and I was sitting in my room, right back where I was a month and a half ago. I was feeling pretty restless though. Funny, before the trip I hated going anywhere, and now I can’t sit still.

I decided to go visit Angie. I don’t know, I just really needed to talk some things out, maybe get some advice? Angie was completely stable in her relationship, even if not her life, so maybe she knows some secrets.

I jumped downstairs and pulled on my shoes, yelling “Angie’s house!” when my mom asked me where I was going. I closed the door and pulled out my phone, ready to blast my music when I saw a kitten.

I crouched down to its level and reached out, pausing when it flinched, but eventually began petting its head. “Hi little guy, how are ya?” The cream colored cat started nuzzling my hand, butting its forehead into my palm. I heard a purr, and then footsteps as a little toddler ran up to me.

“Princess! I found you!” She screamed, picking the kitty up and hugging it to her chest. She stared at me while turning side to side, and her mother put her hand on the kids back. 

“Okay Millie, now that we’ve found Princess it’s time to go back inside.” She smiled at me politely, saying to me as they left “Thank you for finding her, it means a lot.” I smiled back, then continued on my way to Angie’s house. 

 

-

 

“Since I’ve been back it just feels like everything has been back to normal, you know? Like this alternate me took over for a few weeks and now I’m back, still the same old me. But I liked that other me, Angie, and I can’t figure out what’s wrong! How do I get that other me back?” I finished my rant and flopped back on Angie’s blue bedspread, waiting for her to answer my problems.

“Do you actually want me to answer? Do you really want to know what I think?” I started to protest, saying that “of course I want to know, tell me” when she shook her head and went on. 

“No, I don’t think you do. Not really. See, in my many, many years of experience with people, no one actually wants to know what others think! Yeah, we say we do, we smile and nod, we even say we’ll try it, and then what do we do? Nothing! It’s almost like we want other people to blame when shit doesn’t go our way! So do you actually want my advice? Are you going to listen when I tell you what to do? Because I’m not a total idiot, dammit, I do know what I’m talking about!”

I nodded slowly, 100% sure I wanted her advice.

“Okay, then listen to me, for I am telling you what to do. Talk to Ashton. The reason you’ve been that better person is him, obviously, so there’s a quick fix. Hang out with your boyfriend, jesus! Have you even spoken to him since we got back last night?”

I hadn’t, actually, and I guess that’s a big relationship no-no. I really wanted to visit him, but wouldn’t that be too clingy? I voiced this fear to Angie.

“Who cares if it’s clingy? You’re you, and he’s him. You’re both just people who love each other. In the long run, what does it matter? Everyone is always going to have fears, life sucks, every day is a struggle. Every human being is going to wage their own personal war with themselves and everything, everyone, every choice. But in reality, being in love is the most important thing. At the end of the battle, who are you coming home to? What magical force can make you feel alright again? All that matters is that you love.

 

-

 

With that excellent pep talk from Angie, I went over to Ashton’s house. It was growing dark, but I didn’t feel like going home quite yet. Stopping in front of his house, I decided to forgo the front door and opened the gate to the back.

I crept through the Irwin’s backyard, suddenly aware that anyone looking out of the window could possibly see me in the dusky light. I tried to locate Ashton’s window fast. I had never actually been to Ashton’s house, come to think of it. Strange, how I was his boyfriend but had never actually seen his parents, or his room. 

I luckily saw a silhouette in a window that I easily identified as Ash’s. Looking around I saw no rocks, and I wasn’t prepared for the damage that throwing a plant would cause, so I searched my pockets for something -anything- to throw at his window.  I pulled out a half empty roll of starbursts from my inside jacket pocket. 

_This will have to do. Thank you, starbursts, for your noble sacrifice._

I unwrapped them and threw a pink one at his window, only to miss and hit the wall next to it. I threw an orange one next, and managed to hit the window. I waited for a minute, but he didn’t come. I threw a yellow one, hitting the window again. He must have finally noticed the tapping, because he came to the window. He didn’t seem to see me, though... was it too dark? I threw another starburst, this one miraculously hitting the window right in front of his face. He startled back, then opened the window and looked out. 

“Luke?” He squinted at me. “Is that you?”

“Yeah, I thought I’d come over. Is that okay?” I whisper-shouted back. 

“Of course, meet me at the front I’ll let you in.” His head disappeared and his shadow moved away from the window. I walked through the gate again, thinking I probably should have just gone in the front in the first place. Ash opened the door just as I got there.

“Okay shhh, I’m technically not supposed to have people over. My parents won’t mind, but let’s just try to be quiet, okay?” He closed the door behind me, ushered me up the stairs, and into the second door on the left. 

His room was nice, neat, with a brown bed pushed up to one corner, leaving the rest of the space to be dominated by a drum set. He sat down on his bed, gesturing for me to join him. I made myself comfortable, sitting cross legged facing him.

“So what’s up?” He asked simply.

“Not much, honestly, just missed you. It’s been a little weird, not seeing you all day, or waking up next to you. I kinda don’t like it.” He grinned, pulling me into his arms.

“I missed you too, babe.”


	30. Epilogue

I sat my mom down one day, a few weeks after I got back. “Mom, I need to talk to you.”

“If this is about dinner-” I interrupted her.

“No, Mom, I just need to tell you something. Well, somethings. As in more than one something.” I rambled a little bit. Who could blame me, though? I was nervous.

Mom, I’m not really attracted to women. No... Mom, I’m not straight. No, not direct enough, but ‘Mom, I like it up the butt’ didn’t seem to fit either...

“Honey? You zoned out, are you alright? You know you can tell me anything.” My mom looked at me from across the table.

“Mom, I’m gay.” Well, it’s out now. Just like me, I guess...

“And?” I looked up at her, confused. And? And, what? 

“And... I have a boyfriend.” Her face broke out in a smile.

“I’m so glad, what does he look like? What’s his name? What is he like? Do I know him?” The questions started firing. I was a little overwhelmed. It’s not like I expected her to throw me out or anything, but I hadn’t expected her to be so.. Immediately okay???

“Wait, so you’re okay with this.” I asked, just wanting to be clear.

“Honey, I couldn’t care less. Now quick, show me a picture!” Gladly, but before I did that I had to have a much harder conversation.

“I have another thing to talk about, before we get started on the topic of my boyfriend?” She settled back, waiting patiently. “Mom, I know how you feel about therapy. And I know I’ve complained a lot about it, but I genuinely think it is not helping. I’ve been doing much better without it, and I can honestly tell you that what happened all those months ago will never happen again, I promise you.”

She pursed her lips. I knew she never liked to talk about therapy, but I think we had to. 

“Whatever you think is best, honey. You know yourself better than I do. But,” she continued, “You have to talk to me. If not me, your brothers. If not them, your friends and boyfriend. I don’t care whom, but just talk to someone. And, I know you’re going to hate this but you have to tell Mrs. Hoadley yourself. I’m not going to do this for you.”

 

-

 

I knocked on the door of the address my mom gave me. Yeah, your mom being friends with your group therapy leader was DEFINITELY awkward. A woman in a pink shirt and grey sweatpants opened the door.

“Hello Luke, come in. Your mother told me you were on your way.” How did this woman know my name? “Don’t mind the cats, they only bite if you provoke them.” Good to know...? I think?

“Would you like a cup of tea, dear? Maybe some coffee?” I shook my head no, and she sat down across from me at the kitchen table. “So, Luke, why are you here today?” When those cringe-worthy words were spoken, I could see that this woman was Mrs. Hoadley. She looked tired, worn, not at all like the peppy and hyper-sprayed toad-woman I had come to know. I liked her better this way, she looked like a real person.

“Well, I came to let you know that I won’t be going to therapy anymore. I guess... I guess I would also like to apologize for being so rude, all these weeks.” She smiled at me.

“Thank you for your apology, and believe me, it’s okay. I understand.” I felt more than a little awkward here, in my therapy leader and sworn enemy’s house, so I got up to take my leave. She followed me to the door, and as I walked down the steps she called out one last thing.

“Oh, and Luke? I just wanted to tell you that you were always my favorite part of the session, and I liked your excuses.”

 

-

 

Life over the next few weeks improved steadily for Luke. He and Ashton went on frequent dates and were given keys to each others homes, along with express permission from their parents to come sleep over any night. 

Speaking of parents, Luke met Ashton’s, and they loved him immediately. 

Luke’s mom continued as she always had, being a wonderful mother and always supportive. 

Jack wasn’t really in this story, and continued to not be.

Ben was eventually able to look at Luke, although his bathroom related fears persisted into his late twenties. They had more to do with an unfortunate accident involving the toilet and a specific part of his genitals than with Luke, though. 

Calum and Michael continued to be the ice cream to each others pie. They were often sickeningly cute, causing their friends to roll their eyes lovingly. 

Calum never did understand the sex jokes. 

Michael continued to tell the sex jokes. 

Marisa and Angie didn’t change. They remained each others strength, and were always there for any one of their friends, weather it was a kidney or just a ride that they needed. 

And the author closed her laptop, took off her glasses and went to sleep.

All was well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it this far into the fic, thank you so much for sticking with it. This is the end, although I'll probably come back to this sometimes when I'm feeling really nostalgic! I love you all, and I hope you all have wonderful lives.   
> It's kinda funny, actually, how much posting a last chapter is so much like a goodbye.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Thank you so much for checking this out! It will get better as it keeps going. This is my first story, uploaded from my account on Wattpad! Thanks again lovelies!


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